Why are all the extras pooping in their pants?

We’re getting closer to Christmas, and Hollywood has something for everyone to stuff in their stocking this week, assuming everyone wants The Bourne Legacy, Ted, or Ice Age: Continental Drift. If those titles don’t get you excited, there are plenty of other options that didn’t get the theatrical releases those films did.  We’ve got flicks with Jesse Eisenberg and James Van Der Beek.  We’ve got films about child sex-slaves and shaving and puppeteers.  There’s bigfoots and zombies and hipsters and hobbits.  There’s even a film so FilmDrunk-approved, its theatrical run was literally presented by FilmDrunk.

The DVDs:
The Bourne Legacy
Ted
Ice Age: Continental Drift
Why Stop Now
Backwards
Miami Connection
Trade Of Innocents
Mansome
Rehearsal For A Sicilian Tragedy
Dreams Of A Life
Insane Clown Posse & Twiztid’s American Psycho Tour Documentary
Night Claws
The Life Zone
Upon A Midnight Clear
Nesting
Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same
Age Of The Hobbits
Osombie
Creep Van
Halloween Party

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Can’t remember which flick has FilmDrunk’s coveted blessing?  Continue reading to find out.  Want to find out if the film about child sex-slaves and the film about puppeteers is the same film?  Continue reading. Want to know which films I fairly arbitrarily suggest you watch on Netflix?  Click the streaming link above, but be aware: one of this week’s DVDs is targeted at Juggalos, and you won’t know which one it is unless you continue reading without skipping right to the last page. Read the rest of this entry »

Back in May, 20th Century Fox announced after the season finale of The Simpsons that Maggie would be appearing in her very own short film, The Simpsons: The Longest Daycare. With a running time of 4:30, this mini-adventure finds Maggie at the Ayn Rand School For Tots, bored out of her little genius mind. That’s about all we knew about the film until a brand new trailer for Daycare was released this week, and now we know so much more. Namely, that the marketing team is clever.

In what they’re dubbing “this summer’s shortest trailer”, the 5-second clip (after the jump) tells us that Maggie will once again feud with that other baby, Gerald, who looks like Anthony Davis. You know, this one…

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"Chill, babe. I gots this."

With Rotten Tomatoes scores currently throbbing at 97% (critics) and 98% (audience expectations), Marvel’s The Avengers is the perfect film to kick off the summer movie season this Friday. Sure, some people might argue that the summer movie season actually begins with Miley Cyrus’ LOL – also being released this Friday – but those people need to go back to singing “Achy Breaky Heart” at my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, dammit.

Beyond The Avengers are some films that actually have us pretty excited about Hollywood’s collective IQ for once – but don’t you worry, there’s also plenty of crap coming out, too. Fortunately, this isn’t the end of the year, so I don’t have to focus on the crap just yet – I will still eventually see LOL because Vince loves watching my soul cripple – and we’re just examining the films that have the greatest potential to crash the box office this season, and put smiles back on the faces of the billionaires who only made hundreds of millions in 2011.

I’ve even taken the liberty of breaking the summer movies up into categories for your convenience (chronological list on the last page), and I am being assisted in presenting this guide by none other than Michael Bay’s pet tiger, Todd Brad.

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THIS WEEK IN POSTERS & STILLS: This week, I’ve got new posters and stills from Wes Anderson AND Quentin Tarantino, among others. Are you excited yet??? Here, try some cocaine.

This promo still for Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom (Eeeep, my hipster boner is filling with Soy Chai!) is what Focus Features is calling “Vintage Team Photo.” It may contain nearly-criminal levels of whimsy and a quality I like to think of as Wes Andersoniness, but I’ll say this for it: At least they matched the goddamned names to the faces. You’d be amazed at how few posters do that. Still, it’s no shirtless Bill Murray holding an axe and a bottle of wine.

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