BOX OFFICE: TWO NUMBER 2′S TIE FOR NUMBER 1

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.06.09

The initial estimates for the weekend box office have Transformers 2 and Ice Age 3D tied with $42.5 million.  Elsewhere, Public Enemies had a solid five-day gross of $41 million, and The Hangover became the fourth movie of the year to top $200 million domestically (the fastest to $200 mil ever for an R-rated comedy).  And The Hurt Locker is still in limited release, but had the highest per-theater average ($14,000), as it should, because it’s easily the best movie out right now.

The “Transformers” sequel — produced by Paramount, DreamWorks and Hasbro — fell 61% in its second weekend for $293.5 million in cumulative boxoffice through 12 days of domestic release.
The “Transformers” sequel was filmed for a reported $200 million and carries costly backend commitments to director Michael Bay, not to mention hefty global marketing expenses. But with its worldwide boxoffice approaching $600 million, Paramount and its co-producer partners already might be treading into profitability, and a potentially leggy theatrical run and deep ancillary revenue should help the rich get richer. [THR]

Hold on, with a gross approaching $600 million it MIGHT be treading into a profitability?  First of all, even with Bay’s bazookas and tigers budget there’s no way it cost $400 million to market, especially not when he’s getting paid by GM, Audi, LG cell phones, Green Day, et. al.  The movie was essentially two hours of getting eyeball raped by Super Bowl commercials while Shia LaBeouf sped through the plot exposition like the Micro Machines guy reading the fine print on your Verizon contract (over gratuitous slo-mo shots of Megan Fox’s tits).  Secondly, Michael Bay doesn’t tread into anything. He hires an army of assistants to do it and then fines them if they let him touch the water.

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ICE AGE TRAILER RECYCLES R-RATED GAGS

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.26.09

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs has a new trailer, and since it’s an animated movie not made my Pixar, I’d normally give it a dismissive wank (or complain again that there are dinosaurs in a movie about the Ice Age) and carry on with my day.  However, upon watching it, I was intrigued that Fox is now stealing gags from R-Rated comedies for their kid movies.  Check out the chest-waxing shot at the 1:50 mark a lá 40 Year Old Virgin, and the trying-to-milk-a-male-animal joke at the 2:14 mark a lá Kingpin.  Brilliant. If I’ve learned anything from those Gary Busey Public Service Announcements, it’s that it’s never too early to start teaching your kids how to masturbate a water buffalo.
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HEY, REMEMBER BOB’S BIG BOY?

Written by Vince Mancini / 11.24.08

Two new animated trailers hit Friday afternoon, and I wouldn’t want you to miss out.  Above, we have Astro Boy, from, Imagi animation studios and the director of Flushed Away, which is basically what would happen if Iron Man and Bob’s Big Boy had a butt baby.

After the jump, we have Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, starring our old friend Scrat, which combines ice age mammals with dinosaurs, as part of Fox’s ongoing attempt to totally F up your your child’s conception of history.  The only real question here is what would make a better baby name: Scrat Palin or SoHo Scrat Wentz?

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ICE AGE 3 TEASER, NON-BOOTLEG

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.07.08

This is the teaser trailer for Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (I posted a bootleg version a while back), featuring the lovable Scrat, just tryin to get a nut like the rest of us. Boosh.

Opening July 2009, it features the voices of John Leguizamo, Queen Latifah, Ray Romano, and Denis Leary. Say what you will about the normal spelling of “Dennis” having an unnecessary “N”, at least it doesn’t look like “Penis”.

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DAILY ROUNDUP: C. BRONSON GOES FISHING

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.17.08

Charles Bronson will now introduce some links by catching a fish with his bare hands. GRR, BEAR HANDS!

First Look at Notorious B.I.G. Biopic
Jamal Woolard looks just like Biggie.  I mean, they’re both fat at least. Notorious P.I.G.s you might say. *Cricket Sounds*

Shane Black is back
The guy who wrote the first two Lethal Weapons, The Last Boy Scout, and The Long Kiss Goodnight (and directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) is working on a new movie called The Nice Guys.  He’s written some of the best one-liner filled action movies of all time.  Sadly, the best thing I’ve ever come up with is, "Yeah? More like BORE-egon."

F-Word compilation from Harold & Kumar 2
I haven’t watched this yet because I don’t want to ruin the movie.  And because I hate minorities. 

Ice Age 3 Poster
They’ve still done nothing to explain what the fuck a Dinosaur is doing in a movie called Ice Age.  I’m going to a make a movie called Vikings, starring a hip hop dance crew.  Why?  Because fuck it, that’s why.

Metal Gear Solid becoming a movie
I’ve never played this video game, so I’m just going to assume this a stupid idea. 

Tintin Movies
Peter Jackson and Steven Speilberg are both doing Tintin movies. Based on a comic book about a Belgian reporter and his dog?  Shit, why not six movies? 

Dark Knight goes IMAX
“The Dark Knight will feature four sequences filmed with IMAX cameras. This marks the first time ever that a major feature film has been even partially shot using IMAX cameras, marking a revolutionary integration of the two film formats.”  I hear they’re developing similar technology in the porn industry – to be shown at CLIMAX theatres across the country. *sad trombone*

Jim Carrey Writing a Self-Help Book
Jim Carrey is writing a self help book for depression sufferers who want to beat the disease without drugs.  Step 1: Become fabulously wealthy.  Step 2: Do whatever you want.  Step 3: Crush anyone who ever even slightly wronged you.  Step 4: Mojitos.  I feel better already!  

Worst Irish Accents in Cinema
In honor of St. Pat’s day.  Though I prefer drinking until I piss myself.

Regal Entertainment to allow red-band trailers
The country’s largest theater chain will allow R-Rated trailers to play in R and NC-17 movies.  However, masturbating is still prohibited.  Fascists.

[Thanks to BGavin, RoboPanda, and Deaners for the tips] 

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