It’s official: Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis (Gollum), Elijah Wood, and Cate Blanchett are all returning for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, scheduled to commence shooting next month in New Zealand, the festering pus fart of the south seas.

More actors are expected to sign on for the two-part [ugh] Peter Jackson film in the near future, including Christopher Lee as Saruman and Ian Holm as an older Bilbo Baggins. [ComingSoon]

Oh joy, six more hours of hobbitry.  That damned kiwi must’ve seen its shadow.  Anyway, Wood and Blanchett will reprise their roles as Frodo and Galadriel, respectively, this despite neither character appearing in the book.  I can only hope the Tolkienites have someone like Red Shirt Guy who can give Peter Jackson a DRESSING DOWN MOST THOROUGH at the next LARP convention.

Reprising her role as Frodo Saggins?  You guessed it, your mom.

The big news last night was that Deadwood‘s Ian McShane was negotiating to join the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean 4, to be directed by Rob Marshall and starring Johnny Depp.  McShane will play Blackbeard, apparently based on the real guy, Edward Teach.

People seem really excited about this, and I get it.  Johnny Depp is great, and Ian McShane is great, especially as a trade for Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, who won’t be coming back.  But excuse me for not breaking out the champagne and butt plugs just yet. This is still a third sequel directed by the guy who did Kate Hudson’s perfume commercial and the producer who came up with the idea for Kangaroo Jack.  Hiring Ian McShane to be in this is kind of like getting Christina Hendricks to tell me I have herpes.  Better, yes.  Good, no.

You wanna put Blackbeard in the movie?  If he’s going to put lit fuses in his beard and shoot people with cannons, cool.  You know what I don’t want to see him doing?  Driving an upside-down pirate ship to never-never fairy land to break an ancient curse. You wanna make a pirate movie?  Fine.  But based on the wasted hours Jerry Bruckheimer already owes me, I have to assume this is just going to be National Treasure with boats and eyeliner again.

Sir Ian McKellen is officially back as Gandalf for the two Hobbit movies, planned for 2010 and 2011.

According to studio New Line, the first film will be an adaptation of The Hobbit and the second will be an original story focusing on the 60 years between the book and the beginning of the Rings trilogy.

"As to how it’s going to work over two films and what going to happen on screen, well Guillermo has not got down to working out the major details yet – I can tell you it’s going to be amazing though," Sir Ian said [Ugh, sycophantic actors... -Ed.]

I hate wizard characters because there’s always some battle scene where the good guys are getting their ass kicked for like 10 minutes and just when it looks like they’re done for, the wizard guy decides to concentrate real hard and annihilates everyone with mind bullets, and then everyone cheers.  Thanks, ass, maybe you should’ve tried that to begin with.

Interesting tidbit: Sean Connery turned down the project of Gandalf in the first Lord of the Rings – he said in an interview that he “didn’t understand it.”  That’s too bad, because I think a wizard who slaps chicks would’ve been pretty gangsta. -[Thanks to Bryce for the tip]

Warner Brothas is supposedly still shooting two Hobbit movies in 2009 and 2010, despite the director not having signed a contract and the Tolkien Trust suing the franchise for $150 million. But, hey, we’ve still got casting news. Today’s rumblings come from Sir Ian McKellen’s website, which recently published this fan Q&A:

Q: So has it come to pass, good Sir McKellen? Shall the dreaming masses with their musty books and their blackened pipes at long last hear those immortal words issue from under that famous nose? "Yes, yes, my dear sir –and I know your name, Mr. Bilbo Baggins. And you do know my name, though you don’t remember that I belong to it. I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me! To think I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna [Ed. Note - That's also a famous porn star's name!] Took’s son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!" Looking about, I find I share the same hopes as millions of others, so I ask, a single query in a chorus … Will you again be our Gandalf in The Hobbit now that the deal is settled?

A: Yes I will, if Peter Jackson and I have anything to do with it, he being the producer and me being, on the whole, a very lucky actor. …Encouragingly, Peter and Fran Walsh have told me they couldn’t imagine The Hobbit without their original Gandalf. Their confidence hasn’t yet been confirmed by the director Guillermo del Toro but I am keeping my diary free for 2009!"

Well, duh.  If offensive gay stereotypes have taught me anything, it’s that all gays dream of playing a wizard.  In related news, the guy who asked that question probably gets his ass kicked a lot, and he probably deserves it. 

UPDATE: Now with video – thanks to BGavin for pointing out my oversight. 

Here’s a quote I couldn’t possibly be expected to introduce:

Sir Ian McKellen wants Justin Timberlake to play him in a musical adaptation of his life.

The Lord Of The Rings star insists the SexyBack star is the perfect choice to play him – because the pair look alike.

He says, "He vaguely resembles people in my family."

Okay, okay, I’m seeing a lot of confused faces out there.  “Ian McKellen?  Biopic?  A musical??  Justin Timberlake???”  Granted, it’s a little dizzying.  But he’s British, and sometimes they can be hard for us to understand.  Allow me to translate:

“Hey, you know who I’d like to bone?  Justin Timberlake.  I’m the guy who played Gandalf, by the way.”

That help?  Anyway, long story short, a good rap name for him would be Ian McFelon.