Pulling off a huge upset, Nic Cage’s Knowing easily took number one at the box office, taking in $24.8 million to second-place I Love You, Man’s $18. Elsewhere, number five Watchmen’s total climbed to $98.1 million, which is only slightly ahead of number nine Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail (with $87 million total so far).  Yikes.  But perhaps the biggest surprise?  Someone liked Knowing.  And not just Pete Hammond.  Ebert says..

“Knowing” is among the best science-fiction films I’ve seen — frightening, suspenseful, intelligent and, when it needs to be, rather awesome.

…Really?  What does it all mean?  Will I have to go back to living in a world where Nic Cage is a respected actor rather than a guy who wears a bear suit and has ridiculous hair?  Because I won’t do it. WHY ISN’T HE BURNED? WHYISN’THEBURNEDWHYISN’THEBURNED??  …What’s that?  Okay, maybe Ebert’s just smoking dope on this one.  Phew.

(full top ten after jump)

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Opening this weekend (click titles for trailers):

• I Love You, Man: You can see Chodin’s review here.  I agree for the most part.  Rudd and especially Jason Segel are really funny, but god damn the script is formulaic.  And they had to explain every joke twice - I thought it was funny that the dog was named Anwar Sadat.  Not so much 15 minutes later when they had to cut between the dog’s face and a picture of Anwar Sadat to make sure the idiots in the audience were onboard. But nevertheless, funny.
• Duplicity: Julia Roberts and Clive Owen star in a spy comedy that was better when it was called Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  I mean, I guess it was, I haven’t seen either.  Mrs. Smith makes some good cookies though.  Put them in a bowl with some milk and you’ve got what George Lucas calls “cereal.”
• Knowing: Icarus Cage stars in an Alex Proyas film that looks like it was stolen from Roland Emmerich.  This reviewer for the AP calls it “an early contender for worst movie of the year.”  But then, she also says “it literally goes off the rails,” so unless she watched it on a train the AP needs to hire better copy editors.
• Explicit Ills (trailer after the jump): Right now you can only catch this one in New York, Philly, and L.A., but it stars Dookie from The Wire, Rosario Dawson, and the preacher kid from There Will Be Blood.  Plus, the producer emailed me.  See?  The system works.

SITE NEWS: Too much news today, come back tomorrow for Friday Free for All.

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Here at FilmDrunk, instead of working on the weekends, we suggest you go back and re-read the best posts of the week.  Here they are:

10. Frank Miller’s Charlie Brown. “Schultz City: That Yellow-Shirted Such and Such.”

9. Three words: Turtle Rape Shoe.

8. Chodin reviewed I Love You, Man. I didn’t like it as much as he did (it was very funny, but also painfully conventional), but how could I not post a review that includes the line, “That’s when an invisible hose extends from your theater seat and milks the funny from your anus.”  But… wouldn’t it be shooting funny into your anus?  Your argument is invalid.

7. Chuck Norris decided he wants to run for Prime Magician of Narnia or some crap.

6. This 4 Fast 4 Furious clip will satisfy your appetite for XTREME GEAR SHIFT CLOSEUPS!  OOH WHA-A AA-AA!

5.  I weighed in on Watchmen. I think it’s worth seeing and I don’t even like comic books.  But keep in mind, ladies, the penis is CGI.

4. Awesome clip from Tough Guys Don’t Dance (try telling that to Hugh Jackman).  Oh God Oh Man Oh God Oh Man!

3. It’s revealed that George Lucas wanted Indiana Jones to be a statutory rapist.  “It’s just not interesting after 15.”  Amen, brother.

2. RETARDED FIGHT CLUB! That is all.

1. Trailer for the heartwarming soon-to-be indie drama Charley the Retarded Cat. I’ve watched this probably fifteen times and I still laugh so hard tears roll down my cheeks every time.  Granted, I have problems, but still.

FilmDrunkard Chodin was able to catch an early screening of I Love You, Man a while back, and was kind enough to write a review.  Why am I posting his and not that thing you emailed me from three months ago?  Probably because he’s funnier than you.  Sorry, I know the truth hurts, fattie. Again, to reiterate, I, Vince FilmDrunk, did not write the review below.

Really!? A Funny Movie Without Dane Cook In It: A Film Drunkard Review

Remember the last time you watched a decent movie? I know bro, Tootsie was soooo f–king long ago! Really though, right when I’m up on a stool in my closet, getting ready to hang myself using an Old Navy, khaki belt, I get invited to a screening of a movie that doesn’t leave you feeling as if a feral ostrich just sucked your dick [Editor’s Note: I don’t necessarily see why that would be a negative]. The oasis in this desert of Hollywood sh-ttiness I speak of is I Love You, Man , from writer/director John Hamburg.

I Love You, Man stars Paul Rudd in a “romantic comedy” about a soon-to-be married guy who comes to realize that he doesn’t have any male friends. To save further explanation, he’s “that guy”, the dude always hanging out with his girlfriend and her friends; friends who are always wondering when the f-ck the girls can have a night alone to talk about deep-dick pizzas and cervix douching.

As the wedding draws nearer, Rudd’s character becomes more and more desperate to find a decent best man, all while attempting to sell the estate of Lou “The Incredible Hulk” Ferrigno. Rudd attends a series of man-dates, eventually finding an accidental friend in a stranger (Jason Segel) who attends an open house at the Ferrigno estate. It’s at this point in the movie that an invisible hose extends from your theater seat and milks the funny from your anus. The moment Jason Segel’s character comes into play, it’s literally two hours of nothing but pure entertainment.

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Despite those kinda lame posters from the other day, I have it on pretty good authority (okay, Chodin’s authority) that I Love You, Man is indeed funny.  Most recently, word got out that Paul Rudd and Jason Segel’s rendition of “Limelight” by Rush will be on the soundtrack, and the track has now made it online.  You can listen to it over at ThePlaylist. It’s a pretty sweet song.  But unfortunately, you can also hear the lyrics better in this version.  “Beyond the gilded cage”?  Canadians are weird.

It’s contemporary, it’s Rush; hey, I guess you could call this a “topical rush”!  …Whatever, I was planning on sitting in the corner anyway.