So apparently, the marketing geniuses behind I Love You, Beth Cooper were trying to create some “viral buzz” for the movie’s release. So they did what any rational person would do: they paid the valedictorian of an L.A. high school $1,800 to recreate film’s titular moment in her valedictory speech.

“I cannot let this opportunity just pass by,” said 18-year-old Kenya Mejia. “I love you, Jake Minor!”

A few weeks before the June graduation season, an employee of the Intelligence Group asked members of a focus group to help find valedictorians. The company regularly polls thousands of teens to identify consumer trends. One panelist was a friend of Ms. Mejia and approached her with the company’s proposition: It would pay her $1,000 to $1,500 if she would mention the movie by name and say its trailer inspired her to make her own confession of love. Fox hired another firm to videotape the episode in a style that emulated a home movie.

“First they were just saying that I had to share a secret,” Ms. Mejia recalls. “But then the next day they said it had to be about my crush. I was like, ‘Oh that changes things a bit!’”  She ran the plan past her boyfriend — not Jake Minor — who endorsed it. [WallStreetJournal]

Meanwhile, the movie bombed ($13.5 million on an $18 million budget) and the YouTube video has less views than Sexman talking about the dump he just took.  And you can tell the same idiots behind the movie were behind the stunt. It wasn’t enough just to have her copy the confession, they actually made her say in the speech, “I recently saw the trailer for the movie I Love You, Beth Cooper, opening this weekend from Fox studios, starring Hayden Pan…”  Not to mention they needed a focus group to find a valedictorian, and had to hire a team of professionals to shoot a video that looked unprofessional.  But despite the failure, it was enlightening for everyone involved.  Prior to this, the execs involved thought a valedictory speech was when Kevin Dillon walked up to the podium and shouted “Valedictory!”, Entourage-style. Marketing people f*cking love Entourage.

[props to Videogum for finding the video]

Opening this weekend:

Brüno
Duh.  Of course I’ll be seeing this, not that I expect it to be half as funny as Borat.  Austrian accents just aren’t as funny as Kazakh ones.  Probably because of the whole trying to exterminate the Jews thing.  Anyway, you can also check out Brüno doing the Letterman Top 10 List after the jump, though I must warn you that it isn’t funny at all.  Maybe Paul Shaffer should’ve added more wacky sound effects.  That guy sure is a character.

I Love You Beth Cooper
I’ve never wanted to punch a movie trailer as bad as I do this one.  It’s so unfunny and cloying and pandering and insulting.  Every high school clique comes in threes.  Every bully has henchmen.  Every hot chick is a cheerleader.  Every nerd is a hero, even if he’s ugly and delusional and kind of a dick and the actor playing him is 27.  Every time I watch the trailer I find myself rooting for the bully to catch and beat the crap out of everyone.  Go f-ck yourselves, everyone involved with this smegma-filled yak placenta. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Cheeto crumbs to suck from my fingers.

STILL IN THEATERS:

Anvil: The Story of Anvil
I DEMAND THAT YOU SEE THIS MOVIE.  There aren’t a lot movies that make you laugh so hard you have to hold back while you stifle tears at the same time.  I hadn’t seen it until this week and I have no idea why I waited so long. I should’ve been there opening weekend.  There aren’t 30 seconds of footage in it that aren’t priceless.  The drummer’s sister is named “Droid.”  80s metal.  Canadian accents.  This is far too little space to tell you everything that was great about it, but I’m pleading with you, see it before it’s gone.

Read the rest of this entry »

This new trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper plays like a mashup of everything I hate in the world, which I guess makes sense since it’s a Fox movie.  They’re apparently trying to sell us Hayden whatserface as a sex symbol in a movie that looks like it came from the cutting room floor of the fifth direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel.

Remember when we were kids and the heroes of high school movies were cool?  Remember how Ferris Bueller was funny and smart and had a hot girlfriend and everyone liked him, and Marty McFly beat up bullies and shredded on guitar?  Now all kids have to look up to are pussy emo vampires, underground MMA fighters with armband tats, and awkward, hateful nerds who make lame jokes and reference movies that came out before they were born.  And when did all the guys become passive twats and all the girls desperate sluts?  I swear to God, one of these days I’m gonna drive down to Fox and wedgie everyone who walks in the building.  Soon as I find my pants.

In I Love You Beth Cooper, the high school valedictorian (played by Paul Rust – who’s 27, by the way) uses his graduation speech to declare his love for the “popular girl”, played by Hayden Panettiere.  A movie ensues. Now, I don’t always like to weigh in on who is or isn’t hot, but why does Hollywood insist on shoving this Hayden-Panettiere-is-hot thing down our throats?  She’s not bad, but she also looks like a younger, blonder Rachel Ray, or a skinnier Nikki Blonsky. Bottom line, she’s more cute than hot, and maintaining cuteness requires not going around acting like you’re Marilyn f-cking Monroe* all the time.  Besides, having too much self-esteem really sends the wrong message to young girls**.

*Or Jennifer Love Hewitt circa Can’t Hardly Wait
**”Don’t f-ck me”

[picture source]