When we first heard about David Fincher’s Chef, starring Keanu Reeves, not much was known about the project other than that it was a great opportunity for “There is no spoon” jokes.  MTV recently spoke to the director and if nothing he else, he deserves the award for cryptic nonsense statements.

What can we expect from “Chef”?

“It’s good and chewy,” says Fincher, using terminology that could just as well be applied to delicious meal [thanks for explaining that to us, MTV-writer-guy]. “It’s like a celibate sex comedy if that means anything.” [Nope, not really]

Ultimately, Fincher’s interest in exploring the culinary world comes down to his immense respect for the artistry and craft of top chefs.

“It’s really about the creative process,” the filmmaker explained. “It’s truly an aromatic art-form, making food [you should've seen Jackson Pollack shit his pants]. I love that idea. And I love Keanu’s passion for that world.”

Yes, yes, Keanu is intensely passionate, especially about food.  Why, just the other day someone made him a sandwich.  “Whoa,” said Keanu.  He was simply dumbfounded.

In Hollywood, no corpse goes undesecrated, no dead horse unbeaten, so the idea of a movie adaptation of 70s TV show Kung Fu is no surprise.  The latest rumor is that they've chosen as director Max Makowski, who previously helmed One Last Dance (not to be confused with Save the Last Dance).

The lead role once played by David Carradine has yet to be filled.  Obviously, Keanu Reeves come to mind for the role of the mixed-race protagonist.  Producers may instead choose to cast an actor.  As for the plot:

“During the 1880’s, a half-Chinese Shaolin Monk roams America’s western frontier in search of his American Father, but winds up incarcerated in an exceptionally harsh prison where he must use his martial arts skills to survive.”

One assumes being able to focus the chi on your cornhole to be the most important skill.  Tiger style would be of no use, as in my experience, tigers are no match for a well made shiv.