Hey, remember I Hate Valentine’s Day? How could you forget, it opened on three screens. Here’s the trailer and my original description:
Nia Vardalos is back, writing, directing, and starring in the new romantic comedy I Hate Valentines Day, which promises to be the Citizen Kane of Kate Hudson turd ripoffs. Vardalos plays a strong, sassy know-it-all New Yorker who doesn’t believe in love and sucks at acting. The voice of TGI Friday’s plays Joe Regular, the average schlubnik trying in vain to win her heart by being adorably boring. But after a few dates (*RECORD SCRATCH*) could it be SHE who’s falling for HE?? I’d rather slam my nuts in a car door than find out!
Sounds great, right? Sadly, as GordonandtheWhale discovered, it seems poor Nia has yet again become the victim of a vast sexist conspiracy. Damn you, patriarchal society! You just can’t stand to see a terrible actress succeed!
Opening this weekend:
Public Enemies
Johnny Depp reportedly stopped talking to Michael Mann on the set because of his “chaotic” directing style, and chaotic was more or less what I said of the finished product. I didn’t think it was very good, but I don’t want to bash it too hard, because say what you will, at least it’s a movie aimed at adults and not a toy commercial. So see it, so they keep making these “types” of movies, just don’t expect to know who’s shooting at whom or why.
Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Oh yeah, this movie. Forgot about this one. I’m sure it’ll be a great movie to take the kids to, because in the trailer, a squirrel gets his chest waxed and tries to masturbate a buffalo, and it features dinosaurs during the ice age, which I’m sure won’t totally screw up their knowledge of history. It’s so hard to convince kids that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and dinosaurs were pets kept by Jesus these days.
I Hate Valentine’s Day
Yahoo says this movie is opening this weekend but I’m not sure in which cities, because on the distributor’s website, the links for release date are broken. Which I assume is because someone at IFC Films hates Nia Vardalos as much as I do. What is she even doing? Her idea of acting seems to be trying to look bitchy and surprised in every scene. And I will never, ever forgive the girl who made me sit through My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
NIA: “Then we eat lamb!”
JOHN CORBETT: “Mmm, with mint jelly?”
NIA: “Um… no.”
Get it???? He’s a wasp and she’s hilariously ethnic! Their cultural differences are a never-ending geyser of comedy!!
