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Here we have Johnny Depp’s face Photshopped onto someone’s body (here’s a close-up of his neck — you tell me what it looks like) in the final poster for The Rum Diary. Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s book opens October 28th. It’s a pretty cool poster, what with the spilled fish bowl and ocean of mini bottles covering the floor (though, again, I must point out, it could use more lizard tail). BUT. …I’m having a hard time focusing on anything other than Depp’s boxer shorts. Jesus Christ, were boxer shorts actually that big in the Eisenhower era? What are you supposed to wear over those, a onesie? They’re covering his goddamn belly button. There must be 18 inches of crotch seam (worst. porno. ever.).

Which reminds me — hey, hipsters, stop trying to make high waists happen. It’s not cute, or clever, or retro, or fashion forward, it’s just horribly unattractive. Probably the most unflattering look ever devised, in fact. I’m glad you’re a unique flower, but now your ass looks long and flat like a grandma centaur. And that is a very specific fetish, I assure you.

Bruce Robinson’s adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s Rum Diary finally hits theaters October 28th, after beginning filming two years ago. It promises to win Johnny Depp just enough goodwill that you can’t fully hate him when he shows up in the next Bruckheimer turd. I guess I can’t blame him for that. Anyway, today we’ve got 20 new pictures and two new clips, the first starring Amber Heard (HOT LESBIAN ALERT) as Chenault, when she first meets Thompson’s Paul Kemp while skinny dipping.

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During a chat with ComingSoon, Tony Scott revealed plans to produce a film adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s first book Hells Angels, to be scripted by Steven Gaghan (Traffic, Syriana).  Gaghan does good work, and hopefully Tony Scott will be too busy with other stuff to F this up.

“My dance card is so full, I’m so lucky,” he told us before listing off some of the projects that are at the front of his mind. “I’ve got ‘The Warriors,’ I’ve got ‘Hell’s Angels’ – I’ve owned the Hunter Thompson book for 12 years and Steve Gaghan is writing the script right now. I own all these great titles. Another one called ‘Lucky Strike’ about guys who repro aircraft. ‘Potsdamer Platz,’ which is by the guys who wrote ‘Sexy Beast.’ Now with all these movies that are ready to go. They’re scripted, they’re budgeted, and now I’ve gotta make them before I die. I’m getting old.”

Hell’s Angels is a great book (mostly because of the motorcycles and the gang rape), but Tony Scott last made The Taking of Pelham 123, and there isn’t a lot on his resume that inspires confidence (Domino, anyone?).  All I’m saying is that if he starts making Hell’s Angels that look like this… well, I just might have to throw a hissy fit.  And I can promise you, it will be embarrassing.

Bruce Robinson is writing and directing The Rum Diary, based on the Hunter S. Thompson novel, with Johnny Depp attached as the lead and Amber Heard as his slutty, er, free-spirited love interest.  Just joining the cast is Richard Jenkins (as Depp’s boss at the newspaper), with Aaron Eckhart supposedly close to a deal.

“Eckhart would play the third element of the central love triangle, which also involves Depp and Heard. “Diary” is the tale of Paul Kemp (Depp), a washed-up, hard-drinking journalist in 1950s Puerto Rico. Eckhart would play Sanderson, a wealthy landowner who believes everything has a price and introduces Kemp to a different standard of living. [Yahoo]

Eckhart’s a perfect choice for Sanderson, a slick PR rep.  Just look at that chin.  I’d do anything it told me.  What’s that, chin?  Buy your detergent?  Help stop gang violence?  Make a skin suit out of the neighbor?  Anything! I know you’d never steer me wrong!  …You know what I’d do if I had that chin?  Two chicks.  Boosh.

Also available in HD over at Apple, this is the trailer for Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.  It comes out July 4th.  I’m not ashamed to say that I just wet myself. Okay, maybe a smidge ashamed.

"Dogs fuck the pope, no fault of mine."