Occasional misses aside, I consider South Park probably the most comedically relevant show of the last 10 years.  You could disagree with me, but keep in mind: I will fight you.  The new season begins this Wednesday and if I’m talking about it, you know there must be some tangentially-movie related angle giving me an excuse to post this link bait banner picture.  Ta da, it’s a Human Centipede parody.  Hooray! I expect this to be the most medically-accurate South Park episode of all time.

The latest Apple product to hit the market is revealed in the 15th season premiere of “South Park” titled, “HUMANCENTiPAD,” premiering on Wednesday, April 27 at 10:00 p.m. on COMEDY CENTRAL.   Kyle is intimately involved in the development of a revolutionary new product that is about to be launched by Apple. Meanwhile, Cartman doesn’t even have a regular iPad yet.  He blames his mother. [via Examiner]

I love South Park because it’s smart while being blatantly, aggressively vulgar and silly, with little creative oversight, the way all comedy should be.  So there, I just reminded you to watch a comedy TV show about a novelty cult film.  My God, I have the most important job in the world.  You can read about all this and more in my new autobiography, You’re Welcome, Society.

Voltaire once wrote “anything that is too stupid to be said is sung,” which is why nowadays, with just a modicum of elbow grease and jazz hands, one can turn virtually anything into a musical, be it Legally Blonde or a family of cats. Therefore, it should come as a surprise to no one that some kids at Emerson have turned the cult-classic-that-hardly-anyone-actually-saw The Human Centipede into a musical.  Why not, right? It’s already been a porno, a tattoo, a cat toy, a necklace… And anyway, watching student-run musical theater was already a lot like putting your mouth over someone’s assh-le as it is. (I dated a theater major, trust me on this one).

You can watch all seven parts of it, broken into 10-minute chunks, after the jump.  It looks reasonably funny from what I saw, but I didn’t watch the whole thing.  Come on, I’m a professional blogger, I don’t have that kind of time. (*chokes on irony*) (*chokes on Hot Pocket*)

[thanks to CentipedeMusical via The DailyWhat]

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VINCE’S DISCLAIMER: I didn’t make a list of worst movies this year because to do it fairly, I would’ve had to knowingly subject myself to terrible movies. I don’t care what anyone says, you do that often, eventually it’s going to mess you up.  Ever read a film critic who’s seen every Katherine Heigl ass-pile (or whatever the equivalent of Heigl was in 1983) for the last 30 years?  They slowly go insane, they start recommending films like Atonement. Poor Peter Travers used to be the best critic around.  Now he feeds his scabs to pigeons and buries herring in his garden to commemorate krystallnacht.  I don’t believe in seeing every movie and pretending I don’t already have a pretty good idea which ones are going to suck.  Snobby as it may sound, I’m trying to not ruin my taste buds by purposely scalding them on microwaved chili biscuits from Am/Pm.  But I know how people love lists of bad movies. Luckily, for that we have Burnsy. You think that guy worries about his taste?  Dude lives in Orlando. [/end disclaimer]

Putting together a Top 10 list is a grueling process in any genre, but I found the feat of selecting the 10 worst movies of 2010 to be downright painful. It’s primarily difficult because these movies are atrocious piles of cow flop that should cause unparalleled levels of shame to be cast upon the families of everyone involved in them. It was also painful because I watched so much crap this year, and there was so much more crap that I could have watched but just couldn’t. Seriously, The Bounty Hunter? I don’t have the will power to not throw my TV into traffic. But here’s the thing – I enjoy watching terrible movies so much more than great movies because I live to criticize. Vince can tighten his scarf and crank Florence + The Machine from his hybrid IROC while he raves about Hesher, but by all accounts Hesher is a great movie, so nobody’s going to argue.

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A Human Centipede is perhaps a perfect metaphor for blog commenting, and thus Human Centipede: The First Sequence makes a perfect Comments of the Week prize.  We’ve talked about this movie plenty, it hits DVD and Blu-Ray on Tuesday, so check it out.  Go see the film the director called “100% medically accurate,” or you can just go suck a butt.

Now for the winner.  I had to award Zombie Jesus X for his comment in the 10 Best Worst Lines from Wall Street 2.  I don’t know what this means or why it made me laugh, but it did.

Zombie Jesus X says: “Kid, the way the highest tranche of a CDO — wait, hang on, I think we just ran over Sharon Stone.” *looks in rearview* “Yep, we did. Get the shovel out of the trunk.”

Several weeks later:
Gekko: “Bud Fox used to tell me, and this is the only godd*mn thing I learned from him, that you never pay more than a $1000 an hour for a hooker.”
*points to crotch*
“That’s what I like to call fundamental valuation!”
*Jake laughs*
*Gekko laughs*
Gekko: “…I haven’t had an erection since we ran over Sharon Stone.”

So thanks, ZJX, for… whatever the heck that was.  Send me your address to collect your prize.  And now for the honorable mentions:

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The Human Centipede: The Final Sequence, which director Tom Six has promised will have FOUR TIMES THE A 2 M, now has a teaser.  Feeling the pressure to ratchet-up the grossness of the original, the Dutch-born Six has taken a novel-yet-successful approach:  hiring a weird British guy with a stuffed-up nose (soft pallet injury, maybe?) to do the voice over, and making the teaser just two minutes of Six awkwardly staring into the camera with his weird pale overgrown baby face.  Sample narration:

“I even get death threats on Facebook about it.  The sickest bastard is doctor Heiter, they’re saying.  But too many people… just think… it’s like My Little Pony.  So now… prepare for part two, which really will be the sickest movie of all time.”

I don’t follow that logic train at all, but perhaps I was just too distracted by the revolting voice/icky face combo.  This made me nearly as nauseous as the first time I saw Cam Gigandet’s dead-eyed gremlin face.  …So, uh… well done?

You do NOT want to see his horse.

[via IFC]