I hope you all have a good excuse for not bringing this film to my attention sooner, because watching this trailer was a truly transcendent moment. It’s like a koala bear crapped a double rainbow inside my brain.  Luckily GreatWhiteSnark was around to bring it to my attention.  Anyway, it’s called Little Hercules 3D, and let me see if I can imagine the pitch:

• Start with Little Hercules, aka Richard Sandrak, now 17 years old and not really that buff anymore, and give him a dollar-store Hercules outfit
• Add Hulk Hogan, and the entire Hogan clan, including the stupid one sporting a stupid mohawk
• Give him a black sidekick.  Wait, no.  Move him in with a black family (call Robin Givens) so he can learn how to dance hip hop and talk street
• Throw in a pinch of WWE’s Big Show
• JUDD NELSON.
• ???
• Profit.

Perhaps I’m being a little too harsh. We all did some things we aren’t proud of back in the early 2000s… Wait, what’s that?  This movie was filmed in 2009 and went straight to DVD three months ago? (Though it does appear to have theatrical distribution in the Czech Republic). That is… trippy.  Now, I know what you’re probably thinking: isn’t a little strange to be shooting a direct-to-DVD film in 3D?  Not necessarily.  3D televisions do exist, and who would own them if not members of the same socioeconomic class that would be renting Little Hercules, starring Judd Nelson and Big Show?  The audience for this probably has one in every room.

Hulk Hogan is taking a break from raising his horrible idiot children to star alongside Kimbo Slice in the 3-D action-adventure Kung Fu U.  Don’t quote me on this, but I think the "U" might have a double meaning.

The plot for the film sounds pretty standard. A bunch of well off nerd kids get sent to a special boarding school by their parents where Kimbo and Hulk are the self defense instructors who will teach them to kick ass. [Movie Blog]

If your solution to any of your child’s problems is to send them to live with a pro-wrestler and a giant hairy black guy, your kid’s probably gonna get molested, I mean I’m just sayin.  But I’m sure this will be great for Kimbo’s career.  In the world of cagefighting, it’s showing your kid-friendly side that really separates the superstars from the wannabes.