Mickey Rourke, FilmDrunk Magazine’s awesomest man alive, announced recently on a British chat show plans to star in a biopic about gay rugby player Gareth Thomas.  According to Sports Illustrated, the final authority on all things gay, Thomas, who plays Rugby League for the Crusaders (Wales), is the only currently active male professional athlete who is openly gay. I’m not surprised, I’ve always said Rugby League is gay. (*me and the five other rugby players reading this share a good laugh*).

Host Alan Carr (himself a gay man): Is it true you’re about to play a gay rugby player?

Rourke: You’re not supposed to say that, okay? Here’s the deal. When I met the rugby player, Gareth Thomas, this is one thing that he and I talked about. This is something that’s really important. We’re doing a movie about a man who plays rugby who is gay.

Carr: Oh, I see. Sorry, I shouldn’t be so homophobic.

Rourke: That’s the point though.

Carr: Labels.

Rourke: Abso-f*cking-lutely. I read the story. it’s one of the toughest, hardest sports in the world to play. They play with no pads. They play… it’s a really brutal sport. To be a man who plays rugby who is gay and to live with that secret for the amount of years that Gareth had, to perform at the high level that he performed at, it takes a lot of courage.

Carr: Are you going to learn the Welsh?

Rourke: I have no choice. [BleedingCool]

As a rugby player myself, I think I speak for every rugby player in the world when I say “that’s gross.”  I came here to wear short shorts, wrestle other men to the ground, and stick my head up peoples’ butts, not do something queer.

In other Anglo sport news, here’s Hugh Jackman getting hit in the nuts with a cricket ball:

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From the “what if” files, right after I ponder what my life would be like had Diora Baird not taken out that restraining order against me, comes this story, about how Johnny Depp’s role as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean was originally written for Hugh Jackman.  I can’t imagine Hugh Jackman turning down an opportunity to prance around wearing eyeliner, but that’s what it says.

“I initially wrote that character with Hugh Jackman in mind,” screenwriter Stuart Beattie told Pop Tarts at the Advance Lounge Chair series in Los Angeles. “Hence the name Captain JACK Sparrow.”

At the time, Jackman was a prominent actor in Beattie’s homeland of Australia, but was not yet a big on the international scene, prompting the folks at Disney to dismiss Beattie’s casting contribution and instead hunt down Johnny Depp for the role.

“I spent ten years pitching it Disney and they weren’t interested,” Beattie, who went on to write a string of other big-budget, epic films such as “Collateral,” “G.I Joe: Rise of the Cobra,” Australia” and “30 Days of Night,” added. “Then finally, I got a call to come back in.”[FoxNews]

Gosh, could you imagine if it had been a different A-list actor toplining a Jerry Bruckheimer air fart?  Who knows how things would’ve have turned out. Would Pirates still be filming a third sequel? Would we still have a black president?  My God, it’s like the butterfly effect.

Oh sure, now he’s holding a bulldog in a sweater. Now I feel like a real assh*le for making fun of him.  I swear, you could hand Hitler a dog in a sweater and I’d be all, “Aww, maybe the Jews are bad.”

Sorkin, Jackman, and Elfman, who sound like some sort of Cosplay porn version of Justice League, are working together on a Broadway musical about Houdini.  Hugh Jackman will play the lead, Aaron Sorkin will write the script, and Danny Elfman will compose the score.  Sources say Sorkin will draw his inspiration from the real life of Harry Houdini, and then add Hugh Jackman singing gay songs.

An impressive creative team has quietly assembled around the project, including playwright Aaron Sorkin, composer Danny Elfman, lyricist Glenn Slater, and director Jack O’Brien — and despite repeated delays, Elfman says work on Houdini is now well underway.
Next up is a first reading of the script, scheduled for January. After that, Elfman estimates that the show could open in early 2012 — though we wouldn’t be surprised to see it on Broadway even sooner if the reading goes well. [Popwatch]

I won’t pretend I understand musicals.  Maybe it would help if they stopped making musicals about absolutely anything.  But I am interested in the idea of Aaron Sorkin writing one.  Seems like Hugh Jackman’s major challenge will be his ability to carry a tune with the back-up singers constantly interrupting him to clarify something he sang three lines ago.

"Help, I cahn't escape from me collah, lol."

"Damn, it seems one of them wasn't fooled by my disguise. Think, Aronofsky, think!"

You could start an entire site dedicated solely to movies Darren Aronofsky is rumored to be possibly thinking of directing.  He was supposedly interested in Superman before Zack Snyder got the job, and last we heard about Wolverine 2, the directing job was between David Slade and Aronofsky.  Now, Deadline says the job is Aronofsky’s if he wants it.  Can’t say I fault the media strategy.  The only way I was ever going to care about this project was by association to the guy most recently known for aggressive lesbian ballerina sex.

Aronofsky and Hugh Jackman already have a close relationship after they made The Fountain, and Aronofsky recently met with Fox chief Tom Rothman seeking the kind of creative control he’s accustomed to. There was a lull in the talks when Aronofsky briefly flirted with directing Superman, but that job went to Zack Snyder. Meanwhile, Darren has developed some serious heat off festival showings of Black Swan. I’m not sure if he’s going to do Wolverine 2, but it’s his job if he wants it — and they are talking.

If anyone can do it, Aronofsky can, but this seems like a thankless project.  I mean, it’s never going to live up to the first one.  It’d be like making a sequel to the Sistine Chapel, or Black Knight.

It’s Friday, so I broke some stories into spicy, bite-sized nuggets.

Twilight Eclipse director David Slade is the leading candidate to direct Wolverine 2. According Vulture, it’s down to Slade or Flightplan/Time Traveler’s Wife director Robert Schwentke (and this guy still gets work why?).  Hugh Jackman will make the final decision after he meets with them next week. “A well-placed source inside the production insists, ‘It’s going to be Slade.’”  I’m guessing Slade will spend most of this week on the phone saying, “Yeah, sure, Hugh, I could definitely see Wolverine exploring his love of musical theater, great idea.” |Vulture|

Carla Gugino in negotiations to star in MILF. …Which stands for “Mothers I’d Like to Fight” — “a revenge story about a woman who, recently released from prison, returns to the street to take care of some unfinished business.”  Speaking of unfinished business, it looks like I’ve got some of my own.  I came here to chew bubble gum and wank dismissively, and I’m all out of bubble gum. |LATimes|

A guy committed suicide at a Swell Season show last night. Swell Season is the folk rock duo of Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from that movie Once, and at a show last night in Saratoga, CA, a guy climbed onto the roof three stories above the stage and jumped just as the band was finishing a song, landing three feet from Hansard. Their music isn’t really my cup of tea, but Glen Hansard once said something nice about FilmDrunk on Twitter, so I won’t make the obvious joke here. Anyway, it’s a sad story, and I can only hope Olivia Munn doesn’t do any live readings of her book so it doesn’t get repeated. |SFWeekly|

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