The New Trailer For ‘The Wolverine’ Has Some Silver Samurai

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.01.13

Sorry, but Jack Burton already did this scene better.

I was trying to think of a decent introduction to this new trailer for The Wolverine to properly convey my hopes and expectations for James Mangold’s upcoming effort, due out on July 26, but I think that YouTube commenter “118bone” beat me to it:

Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good. Please be good.

Watching this latest trailer, my thoughts are still: “It looks… good? Decent? Better than Origins?” Hugh Jackman still looks like a shirtless badass and he is great at doing that arm thing where he’s like, “GRRRR, you forgot I have claws!” And there’s at least one scene where someone slices his face and he turns and the cut heals up instantly and the guy with the sword is like, “Hey, why didn’t that work?” So based on what we’ve seen thus far, I’d say that it is equal to or greater than X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

That’s neither a blessing nor a condemnation.

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Hugh Jackman’s stalker threw an electric shaver full of her pubes at him

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.15.13

When you write about movie stars and celebrities for a living like I do, you start to get a feel for which of them have the craziest fans. Tom Cruise is up there, but in my experience, no one inspires rambling, insane defenses of a guy you might not have even insulted in the first place quite like Hugh Jackman. Which is why I’m not surprised that it was Hugh Jackman at whom an obsessed fan threw her pube clippings while screaming “I LOVE YOU!” over the weekend. It didn’t work, either, which means I’m going to have to rethink my entire courtship strategy.

She crossed the bikini line.

Oh, New York Post, don’t ever change.

A deranged female stalker burst into Hugh Jackman’s West Village gym and threw an electric razor filled with her pubic hair at him during his morning workout yesterday, police sources told The Post.
She was screaming “I love you!” as a staffer dragged her away from the star.

In her defense, she probably just saw Trance, and shaving pubes totally worked as a seduction strategy in that movie. The caveat is that you have to look like Rosario Dawson.

The actor, who plays Wolverine in the “X-Men” movies, was exercising at Gotham Gym on Washington Street at about 8 a.m. when Kathleen Thurston, 47, bushwhacked him.
The blond stalker, wearing khaki pants and a blue hoodie, was hysterically sobbing as she slipped past the check-in desk at the tiny gym and made a beeline for the actor, said Mike Castle, 35, a Gotham trainer.
“She was crying,” said Castle, who was in the facility’s boxing ring. “I physically removed her from the place, then I called the cops.”
Thurston shouted her desperate declaration of love for Jackman.
Then she reached into her waistband and launched the dirty razor at her obsession.
Jackman thought the unhinged woman was grabbing for a gun or a knife, said one police source.
He backed away as soon as she made a move for her nether regions.

Do you think we’ve reached the best part of the story? Well I’ve got news for you, compadre, we haven’t.

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Wolverine pioneering revolutionary new strategy of releasing film a few seconds at a time

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.26.13

This week has been a busy one for the Wolverine: We’re Calling It “The Wolverine” In The Hopes That You’ll Forget About The Last One. First they released a new batch of posters like the one you see above, featuring Hugh Jackman getting greased up and veiny for his battle with a horde of anonymous Asians (Peter North did it first). Then they released a six-second Vine trailer (all Vine videos are six-seconds long), which plays like a perfect satire of every action movie trailer of the last 10 years:

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Hugh Jackman has alter-egos named “Frank” and “Charles”

Written by Vince Mancini / 02.14.13

The Hollywood Reporter has a fawning and lengthy cover story on Hugh Jackman (like, reasonable fawning, not psychopathic, overwrought Esquire-style fawning), and much of it confirms what we already knew – that Hugh Jackman is friendly and super-nice to pretty much everyone. “Open and immensely likable,” as the writer describes him. But there’s also some juicy stuff too, like how Jackman’s 13-years-older wife Deborrah (57) gets annoyed with the constant gay rumors:

In addition to his family, Jackman has surrounded himself with friends, including 11 high school buddies who accompanied him on a reunion trip to Japan four years ago and Nobel Peace Prize winner Muhammad Yunus (whose micro-finance campaign Jackman actively supports).
Despite these friends and a seemingly idyllic life, Jackman admits rumors about his sexuality have taken a greater toll than previously acknowledged, especially on his wife. “Just recently, it bugs her,” he says, blaming the Internet, which she frequents more than he does. (Jackman largely sticks to cricket sites and The Economist.) “She goes: ‘It’s big. It’s everywhere!’ “

And then there’s my favorite part, about how Jackman’s friend Tony Robbins (the famously banana-fingered self-help guru) helped Jackman overcome his anxiety, which, oddly, Jackman says gets on movie sets but not onstage. Anxiety he has since overcome by naming the different sides of his personality.

Robbins suggested the strapping 6-foot-3 superstar name the secure and insecure sides of his personality. “Frank was the more confident, and Charles was the other,” says Jackman.
“I always thought strength came from getting rid of that fear,” he adds. “And Tony said: ‘Charles is your sensitivity. Charles makes you question. Charles makes you work harder. When you walk on set, thank Charles for everything.’ ” He pauses. “Tony really transformed my life.” [THR]

The craziest part about this is that Hugh Jackman is Australian. In California, we have an insanely high tolerance for loopy dipwads, and this is par for course, but if you told the average Australian guy that you had names for two of your alter-egos, I guarantee his nickname for all three of you would be “pooftah.” If whatever weird stuff Tony Robbins tells you helps you get through the day, fine, but if he’s really in the business of self-help, a central tenet of his philosophy should be “maybe don’t tell anyone else about old Drop Dead Fred and Chris Gaines. Like, ever.”

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A Les Misérables review in the form of a Smash Mouth song

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.23.12

Tom Hooper’s 160-minute adaptation of Les Misérables, aka the Olympics of Piss-Holding, is a “sung-through” musical, meaning there’s no spoken dialog, only singing. In keeping with the style of the film, I decided to format my review to the tune of “All Star,” by San Jose’s finest sun-pop four piece, Smash Mouth. Enjoy.

(*clears throat, tunes guitar*) (*feedback noise*)

Sooome BODY once TOLD me, the SOOONGS were gonna BORE me, I AIN’T a cultured DUDE just a GUUUUUEST…
Anne was LOOKin kinda GLUM with her HAAAAIR up in a BUN, and some DIRT on her FACE, yeah she’s POOR, now… (*DJ scratching*)

Well, the songs start comin’ and they don’t stop comin, BLADDER ’bout to burst gonna piss my pants HONEY
Diggin’ that plot about RE-DEMPT-TION, their WIGS get gross and your HEART gets CHuUUuBBED..

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