From Aardman Animation, the studio behind Wallace & Gromit and Flushed Away, comes the new trailer for The Pirates! Band of Misfits, starring a barely-recognizable (which may be a good thing) Hugh Grant as the voice of the lead pirate. It opens next March, and the trailer is pretty self-explanatory. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that a claymation-animated children’s film shows so much more wit, sophistication, and craft than Jerry Bruckheimer’s collection of tired clichés starring Johnny Depp juggling vases and ruining fancy dinner parties ostensibly aimed at adults. And yet for all the easy pandering they do in those things, they didn’t think to include a single fish wearing a pirate hat?

I feel like this movie just gets me, you know?

[HD Trailer at Apple]

(one of these people did not give up acting *hint* she burned-the-f–k out)

Despite his muscular stature, defined facial features and gold-tanned skin, Hugh Grant is apparently more insecure than Rocky Dennis. Movie blogs are sh-tting lobster claws over a recent quote in which he addresses his vagina-like panic attacks:

“I like everything about filming except the acting. I’m wonderful in rehearsals, but I have never been very good when they actually switch the cameras on,” he told Entertainment Weekly. “In recent years I’ve had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought, ‘Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in [no homo]…I realize how ridiculous that makes me look.“

Ridiculous? Not at all my good man, not at all.  I mean, I’m just grateful that he’s man enough to throw in the towel before actually geting cast in a movie and making a complete Von Bon Douchenstein out of himself. Personally, it reminds me of the time I spent a summer roofing. I worked for this guy, let’s call him “Dad”, and one day while we were hammering shingles on a church steeple, he turned to me and said, “I f–king hate roofing”. I thought that was pretty funny and ironic, so I asked him, “Well if you hate roofing so much, then why have you been doing it for twenty years?”.  I never got the chance to hear the answer to my question, because he leapt to his death immediately after I asked it. Still though, a pretty funny thing for a roofer to say, right?

-Chodin

Above you’ll find the trailer for Columbia Pictures’ Did You Hear About The Morgans?, starring Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker. From the looks of things, this appears to be the Oscar vehicle both Grant and Parker have desperately been waiting for. The pair play a fledgeling married couple on the brink of divorce, when they are suddenly forced into the Witness Protection Program after watching a murder take place. Deeply thought out dialogue ensues as the two learn that they have been relocated to the small town of…Ray, Wyoming?! *sad trombone*

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