A few weeks ago I showed you the banner ads about sex offenders that had begun showing up on a Twilight site.  Then last week I introduced you to the entertaining train wreck that is MLIT — “My Life Is Twilight.”  Well guess who’s advertising on MLIT.  According to today’s banner ads, it’s Hot Topic (natch) and an online retailer called Torrid.  What do they sell, you ask?

The Destination for Trendy plus-size Fashion
Before Torrid launched in 2001, there weren’t many shopping options for the fashionable plus-sized girl. Sure, she could look pretty fierce in men’s jeans and tees, but, from lingerie to dresses, there weren’t many options for feminine plus-size clothes for young women and teens.

Torrid recognized this and created a women’s plus-size fashion line inspired by fashion icons, runway shows, music and pop culture. We also fit our line on a plus-size model so our customers could get fabulous fashion in sizes 12-28. Now, with styles from hot labels like Betsey Johnson and Jezebel added to the mix, Torrid is the destination for trendy plus-size fashion. And with plus-size jeans from Ed Hardy and more, Torrid girls can ditch those men’s jeans for good! [Torrid/AboutUs]

That’s right, goth clothes and plus-sized Ed Hardy jeans.  Thanks, Twilight fans, I don’t even have to make this stuff up.  I wish I was a stupid lamb.  I would put myself in a sandwich and then eat me and then cut myself when I couldn’t fit into a size 28.

[Thanks to kimberryclaire for the tip]

Check out Hot Topic’s brand new Twilight: New Moon collection.  Back when I used to hang out at the mall, Hot Topic was the store for goth kids, which is why it seems weird that they’d be selling Twilight clothes now, because from what I remember, goths weren’t into abstinence.  In practice, certainly, but as a theoretical concept, no.  I also find it strange that abstinence vampires and ethnic temptation wolves get the same t-shirt treatment as fake wrestling guys. GRRR, MEANINGFUL GLANCE FROM THE TOP ROPE!*

They also have chunky charm bracelets, perfect for the fat-wristed.  Er, husky-limbed.  Anyway, toss one in the rascal on the way down to the food court there, lardy.  Meanwhile, this fetching Edward Cullen hoody comes in dazzling, Salt Lake City Caucasian, and goes perfectly with this necklace you can put your coke in.  And finally, don’t forget your “authentic prop replica jewelry” which contains no gold, but is truly the gold standard in oxymoronicness.

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