This is the trailer for Eli Craig’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil ,starring the great and still-surprisingly-unknown Alan Tudyk.  It’s a horror comedy that thankfully doesn’t involve zombies.  Instead it takes the familiar college-kids-go-camping-in-the-backwoods plot, but the twist is that this time, the hillbillies are the good guys, and they only seem like psycho killers because of repeated, Three’s Company-esque misunderstandings.  Even if the writing turns out to be not as good as, say, Zombieland, I appreciate that writer-director Craig took a more novel approach than just ripping off Shaun of the Dead.

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This is the trailer for Trick ‘r Treat, which comes all over DVD and Blu-Ray October 6th.  It doesn’t seem all that special, but if you believe the review quotes, it’s the internet’s favorite thing since stump porn.  That’s right, STUMP PORN. *rubs palms together, waits for checks from Google to start rolling in*

“Trick ‘r Treat” is about four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband. [Collider]

It stars Brian Cox, Anna Paquin, and that super-creepy dude from Happiness.  You might be wondering why a movie starring people you’ve heard of that got good reviews is going straight to DVD.  The answer is that it’s a horror movie, and horror movies exist in a realm I like to call “Opposite World.”  In Opposite World, terrible movies get 12 sequels, good actors are avoided like sh’t-stained vagrants, and only the most unoriginal ox vomit is rewarded. And their favorite bread? Sourdough.  Seriously though, sourdough is terrible.  If you like it better than french bread you’re retarded.

(“I’ve been working on my tough-guy look in the mirror at Hot Topic”)

Dimension has hired Rob Zombie to direct a remake of The Blob, and why not?  A monkey with d’cks for hands could direct a horror remake.  (Plus, it’d probably be good in bed – Rawr.)

Zombie’s deal to make “The Blob” his next film comes as Dimension opens “Halloween II,” the Zombie-directed sequel to his 2007 hit “Halloween.”

In the original “Blob,” an object from space crashes into a field, containing a red blob-like substance that absorbs the humans it contacts and grows exponentially. While Zombie was a fan of the original, he’s formulated a decidedly different take that he would not reveal.

“My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first thing I want to change,” Zombie said. “That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now.” [See also: your clothes. -Ed]

“I’d been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space,” Zombie said. “I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to.” [Variety]

Horror films are cheap to make, always earn money for some reason, and are the easiest thing in the world to write, so I understand why these things get greenlit.  The only thing that keeps me going is hearing the people who don’t really believe in the product having to put a positive spin on it in interviews, and then end up saying ridiculous sh’t like “I wanted to stop making horror films so I decided to direct The Blob.”   Ha, good one, Rob, I wanted to write that down but I was too busy pantomiming this blow job.

(Uh, we’re here for the gangbang?)

THR today reports that Mike Fleiss, the reality TV producer behind such shows as There Goes the Neighborhood and More to Love (yes, it’s The Bachelor for chubby chasers) is starting a production company (Next Films) and moving into films.  His first project?  A Black Sabbath movie.  But don’t start headbanging just yet…

The outfit already is developing several projects, including “Black Sabbath,” a horror movie franchise.  Next has signed a deal with guitarist-songwriter Tony Iommi — a founding member of the British heavy metal band — for the films, which won’t be about the group but will use the title as a jumping-off point. Iommi also will score the movies.  (Iommi has sole ownership of the Black Sabbath name, but that is being challenged by former frontman Ozzy Osbourne, who filed a suit in May seeking a 50% stake in the Black Sabbath trademark.)

So basically, they just thought “Black Sabbath” would be a great name for a horror movie.  And now all they have to do is write it.  Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?  How much better would the Final Destination movies be if they were called Megadeth, or Saw if it was called Slayer?  And every zombie movie could be called Cannibal Corpse.  This dipsh*t is a genius.

From the director of the flipper-handed remake of Prom Night comes another remake, of The Stepfather.  It stars not Steve Gutenberg and Penn “I swear my parents gave me this gay-ass name” Badgley in film about oh Christ if you can’t already predict the entire plot the only thing you should be doing on the internet is buying a drool catcher.  Was this plot really that complicated that it had to be a remake?  “What if your stepdad… was evil?”  THAT’S THE ENTIRE MOVIE.  My only hope is that this is all a ruse to sell popcorn that makes you sterile.

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s the most unnecessary horror film remake?