Last night, Austin’s Fantastic Fest kicked off a week of honoring “horror, fantasy, sci-fi, action and just plain fantastic movies” with the opening night party, and the highlight of the evening was the debut of The Human Centipede 2. To show proper respect to the sequel to Tom Six’s 2010 horror tale of a mad doctor’s fetish for ass-to-mouth, the people at Fantastic Fest even organized the world’s largest Human Centipede Conga line. They clearly didn’t make it to my Bar Mitzvah.

But for those of us who couldn’t make it to Texas last night, all we have for now is the film’s new poster, which is, of course, not exactly theater-friendly. Check out the poster after the jump, as well as a patron-friendly alternative created by one unique theatre.

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After the jump, you can watch the trailer for The Silent House, a 79-minute, horror film from director Gustavo Hernandez, which premiered at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival.  It was shot entirely in one, continuous, 79-minute single take.  Intriguing, sure, but if you’ve read my reviews of Buried or 127 Hours, you know how I feel about filmmakers putting excessive, artificial restraints on themselves as a gimmick to prove how awesome they are.  I mean yes, It’ll help you stand out at the film festival, but it’s a little like proving what a great boxer you are by not using your hands.  Oh, you built me a log cabin using only a butter knife and a stale baguette?  That’s neat, I’m just not sure I want to live there.

A 79-minute, single-shot film… wouldn’t that be called a play?  Don’t get lazy on us, edit that sh*t.

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After the jump, I’ve got some new clips from Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, a new horror comedy starring Alan Tudyk that looks a little like Cabin Fever.  Only this time, it’s told from the hillbillies’ perspective, who can’t figure out why all these college kids came out to the woods to terrorize them and die accidentally.  It looks pretty funny, and I should have a review for you next week, my too-hot-for-Sundance-press-credentials status notwithstanding.  At the very least, I hope it gets picked up for distribution and makes lots of money so Alan Tudyk won’t have to do cell phone commercials anymore.  Wait, I just looked it up and it turns out it’s actually just a DirecTV commercial in which he watches TV on a cell phone.  Phew.  Last thing we need is another Luke Wilson.  Have you heard?  AT&T’s new 3G network allows him to eat two sandwiches at the same time.

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This is the trailer for Eli Craig’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil ,starring the great and still-surprisingly-unknown Alan Tudyk.  It’s a horror comedy that thankfully doesn’t involve zombies.  Instead it takes the familiar college-kids-go-camping-in-the-backwoods plot, but the twist is that this time, the hillbillies are the good guys, and they only seem like psycho killers because of repeated, Three’s Company-esque misunderstandings.  Even if the writing turns out to be not as good as, say, Zombieland, I appreciate that writer-director Craig took a more novel approach than just ripping off Shaun of the Dead.

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This is the trailer for Trick ‘r Treat, which comes all over DVD and Blu-Ray October 6th.  It doesn’t seem all that special, but if you believe the review quotes, it’s the internet’s favorite thing since stump porn.  That’s right, STUMP PORN. *rubs palms together, waits for checks from Google to start rolling in*

“Trick ‘r Treat” is about four interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: An everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the one guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband. [Collider]

It stars Brian Cox, Anna Paquin, and that super-creepy dude from Happiness.  You might be wondering why a movie starring people you’ve heard of that got good reviews is going straight to DVD.  The answer is that it’s a horror movie, and horror movies exist in a realm I like to call “Opposite World.”  In Opposite World, terrible movies get 12 sequels, good actors are avoided like sh’t-stained vagrants, and only the most unoriginal ox vomit is rewarded. And their favorite bread? Sourdough.  Seriously though, sourdough is terrible.  If you like it better than french bread you’re retarded.