Homophobic Turtle thinks this is sick and gross and promises he's not even a little turned on.

Even if you managed to stay awake through the entire Oscars telecast on Sunday, which was almost as hard as staying awake through The King’s Speech, one thing you didn’t see was Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem’s kiss, which occurred entirely while producers awkwardly kept the camera on Penelope Cruz.  Why did they do it?  Was a joke about two straight guys kissing (which Saturday Night Live has based an entire recurring sketch on, in at least three separate shows — still hilarious, btw, guys, no really, it never gets old) too hot for the network owned by Disney?  Clearly, the answer is yes.  These gay-bashing bullies need to be punished. Punished FABULOUSLY.

As if on cue, openly gay Oscarcast co-producer Bruce Cohen is facing the ultimate Web sanction for that censored Javier Bardem-Josh Brolin smooch from Sunday night: an attacked Wikipedia bio calling him a “liar” and homophobe in cahoots with ABC.

“Bruce Cohen is a liar who claims he does not partake in the homophobia of the ABC network when clearly he does,” reads the recent addition to Cohen’s bio — a bio that includes Cohen having married his partner Gabriel Catone in 2008, worn a White Knot to the 2009 Oscars in support of same-sex marriage and earned his second Best Picture nomination that same year for co-producing Milk. [Also, he's named 'Bruce.' -Ed]
[Movieline]

ABC has issued a response saying that they have no comment on the incident.  Now, I’m no expert on tolerance, but it seems to me that blowing a dude would be the ultimate rebuttal to accusations of homophobia.  Better get going on that Twitpic, Cohen.

Ha, “rebuttal.”
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(The Man of Bronze is Homophobic Turtle’s favorite hero. Because, uh, he’s so good at gettin’ chicks.)

Shane Black is rightly worshipped by those slightly less dorky than Joss Whedon fans for writing a slew of memorable action flicks in the 80s and directing Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (also my personal motto).  The latest is that he’s attached to direct and co-write Doc Savage, based on some sort of shirtless pulp hero from the 30s.  Says Wikipedia:

Doc Savage’s real name was Clark Savage, Jr.. He was a physician, surgeon, scientist, adventurer, inventor, explorer, researcher, and, as revealed in The Polar Treasure, a musician. A team of scientists assembled by his father deliberately trained his mind and body to near-superhuman abilities almost from birth, giving him great strength and endurance, a photographic memory, a mastery of the martial arts, and vast knowledge of the sciences. Doc is also a master of disguise and an excellent imitator of voices. “He rights wrongs and punishes evildoers.” Dent described the hero as a mix of Sherlock Holmes’ deductive abilities, Tarzan’s outstanding physical abilities, Craig Kennedy’s scientific education, and Abraham Lincoln’s goodness. Dent described Doc Savage as manifesting “Christliness.”

Which is all an elaborate way of saying “Bruce Greenwood.”

The New York Post today has more information of the ridiculously expensive Spider-Man musical for which U2 wrote the music (as if you needed to know more than that).

The phrase “Broadway musical” doesn’t seem grand enough to convey the size and scope of “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,” [Ed Note: ???] which is due to open in New York in January 2010.  Spider-Man, added director Julie Taymor, “is not going to sing and dance in tights.”

Hmm.  It’s a broadway show about a guy who wears tights. How the hell else could it possibly go?

A better description of her show, she suggested, is a “circus rock-’n'-roll drama.”  [Ahh, our bad] As Spider-Man, Peter clashes with a parade of Marvel villains — Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and Lizard.  Berger and Taymor have invented a new baddie for the show — Swiss Miss, whose costume, designed by Oscar winner Eiko Ishioka (“Bram Stoker’s Dracula”), consists of rotating knives and swirling corkscrews.

I know this probably goes without saying, but the decision-making of the folks in charge here really isn’t inspiring much hope. Spider-Man has been around for 47 years now, and yet they decided they needed a new villain, which they promptly named after hot chocolate.  And anyway, if I were naming a Spider-Man villian after sweets (and let’s be clear, I’m not) I would’ve gone with… LORNA DOOM!

_{Homophobic Turtle wants to know how you got your arms like that.  Do you do preacher curls? A lotta iso? He’d love some pointers.}

This new international poster for X-Men Origins: Wolverine is in French, and they don’t have any wolverines in France, so I suppose they can be forgiven for mistaking Wolverine for the Wolf Man.  Also, I think the poster artist might have majored in cock drawing at art school.

New tagline? Wolverine: More fun than a gay wax museum.

[via WorstPreviews]

^{Homophobic Turtle sez: “Pansies. Real men fight with their shirts off.  What?  You fags don’t watch UFC?”}

In this new clip from Push (video after the jump), the male Kate Hudson (Chris Evans) starts getting beat up… with mind fists!  Then, he must be all out of mind knives, because he tries to stab him, but Chris Evans turns into Guile from Street Fighter and starts doing some sonic booms and crap.  Then at the 0:45 mark, the guy tries some jiu-jitsu (though mind jitsu is clearly his forte) and goes for the arm lock.  But Chris Evans rolls out of it, because let’s be serious, you’re not going to sink that kind of submission without hip control, I mean come on.  And then after that, well, it just gets kind of silly.

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