(If the Prime Minister sees his shadow and goes back inside his Hobbit hole, New Zealand has six more weeks of hay rides)

As is pretty much standard practice for movies filming anywhere but LA these days (and hardly anyone shoots movies in LA anymore), the New Zealand government hooked up Warner Bros and the producers of The Hobbit trilogy with some valuable subsidies and tax breaks to keep the production in the country. The $67 million in tax breaks surely bought a production that was a boon to the local economy, employing an army of locals to hot glue mo-cap sensors to the crotch of Andy Serkis’ leotards, in parts of the country where the biggest industry is normally library book late fees. But now, like a lot of us who gave money in exchange for The Hobbit, some Kiwis, including prominent politicians, want their money back.

“Now the first movie has grossed more than $1 billion, Warner Brothers should repay the $67 million subsidy the movie moguls sucked from Kiwi taxpayers,” [leader of the NZ First political party Winston Peters] said. [StuffNZ]

Specifically at issue was Prime Minister John Keys’ claim, when pushing the subsidies, that the production would create “3,000 jobs.” Peters has since uncovered correspondence between Keys and Peter Jackson’s production company that he says proves that the number was plucked out of the air. The emails are his “smoking plum,” in New Zealand parlance, where the secret to gunpowder has not yet been discovered.

“The Government claims that filming The Hobbit in New Zealand created an extra 3000 jobs and this was value for money to taxpayers, but documents from John Key’s office show this figure was plucked out of thin air. “Questions have to be answered about how many of these jobs existed prior to filming, how many of them will exist once the final film has premiered, and how many of these jobs actually went to New Zealanders.”

Aw, it’ll take a little advertising, but once the people in Hollywood learn that near-television quality production studios and an army of unskilled-but-super polite craftsmen is just a 26-hour flight away, all those jobs will return and then some!

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Do I still need to list all the ways in which New Zealand has become a giant Lord of the Rings gift shop? Hobbit money. Hobbit airplane safety videos. Hobbit sculptures in the airport. Hobbit passport stamps. And things really reached a crescendo this week as The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey had its premiere in Wellington. How bad was it? Well, this guy did an entire summer weather forecast in Sindarin, one of the Elvish languages generally spoken between elves and- oh God I just wedgied myself it burns. You guys know there are going to be two more of these movies still, right? It’s like an entire country full of dorky, over-eager dads! New Zealand’s official motto: “Aw, dad! You’re embarrassing me!”

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Yes, this is a real New Zealand passport stamp.

If you had any doubt that the real New Zealand is exactly how it was

Wellington, where director Peter Jackson and much of the post production is based, has renamed itself “the Middle of Middle Earth”, as fans held costume parties and city workers prepared to lay 500 m (550 yards) of red carpet.
“It’s been a 10-year wait for these movies, New Zealand is Tolkien’s spiritual home, so there’s no way we’re going to miss out,” said office worker Alan Craig, a self-confessed Lord of the Rings “nut”. [Yahoo]

Ahh, yes, Tolkien’s spiritual home that he never set foot in. Not to be confused, of course, with Tolkien’s actual home, England.

In any case, if you’re planning to travel to New Zealand for The Hobbit premiere, before you go, please review our CIA Fact Sheet: New Zealand that we’ve put together.

POLITICAL STRUCTURE

• The Prime Minister of New Zealand is chosen once a year at the country’s fall hayride, traditionally held behind Toby Smith-Goodwin’s pumpkin patch, and decided by a sack race.

• The legislative branch consists of 10 “Exalted Ewes,” one representing each farm, who introduce bills by loudly clacking together a pair of decorative bull’s hooves called “clackies.” A Ewe can veto a bill after it’s been clackied, but only if he can chug the cider boot before the bill’s author can run around the speaker’s recliner three times. If the Ewe circles the recliner thrice before the cider has been chugged, the bill is clackied into law. “Gazzay!” The Ewes shout, throwing their stocking caps into the air, as is traditional.

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Called it. Just two days ago, I told you about the Wellington Airport’s new Gollum sculpture, and I suggested that New Zealand just give it up and start calling themselves Middle Earth, or The Shire, to commemorate their first-ever cultural contribution. Might as well ride the wave, right? Well today, we have Air New Zealand’s new Hobbit-themed flight safety video – co-produced by WETA and featuring a Peter Jackson cameo – in which a stewardess dressed like Arwen’s first line of dialog is “Welcome to this Air Middle Earth Flight.”

They say the 18-hour flight is juuust long enough to watch the first three LotR movies, including special features.

The safety video is also soundpapered in wall-to-wall pan flute, because nothing says “simple, good-natured peasantfolk” like pan flute. It’s all part of New Zealand’s plan to become the world’s largest Lord of the Rings gift shop. I hear their new official motto is WELCOME TO NEW ZEALAND, THE LAND OF TOLKIEN*!

*Who was English.

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This 12-meter (39-foot) gollum sculpture created by WETA (the same company that allows Andy Serkis to infuse gollums and chimps with the soul of a thespian) now greets arriving passengers at the Wellington airport in New Zealand’s capital. And why not? They’ve already put Hobbits on the money. Look, New Zealand, just rename the whole country Hobbiton, or The Shire, or Middle Earth already. Clearly you’ve peaked and you might as well capitalize. Call the country The Shire and residents can be hobbits – it’s just as well, not that many people knew what “Kiwi” meant anyway.

The sculpture, created by Weta Workshop, was installed overnight and unveiled this morning ahead of next month’s premiere of The Hobbit.
Three 4-metre-long fish is suspended in front of the Gollum sculpture complete with bubbles as he dunks his head underwater to catch a fish with his hand.
Weta Workshop’s Sir Richard Taylor said Gollum was the obvious choice as the airport had previously featured a sculpture of the character for The Lord of the Rings movie.

“Sir” Richard Taylor was of course named “Knight of the Realm of New Zealand” when New Zealand’s Exalted Ewe (the head of state) Ben Chaddocksworth touched him once on each shoulder with a smoked salmon sandwich, whereupon he signaled his acceptance of the honor by chugging cider from a boot. “Squim squam squibble!” chanted the crowd happily, as is their custom.

“Wellington Airport feels like the home of Gollum after spending so many months here during the last three films.”
Crews spent four months creating the installation, which is predominantly made out of polystyrene, using Weta Workshop-designed robotic technology as well as chainsaws to carve the pieces.
The work showcased the skill of the Weta Workshop staff, from fine artists, to building and design.
Japanese fine art sculptor Masayuki Ohashi took the workshop’s design and made it into a reality, using chainsaws to carve out the fish and Gollum pieces.
“It was a very exciting project to work on,” he said. The installation would help introduce Wellington’s film industry to the world, Taylor said. [Stuff.NZ]

I like to imagine that the construction of the new Airport Gollum was the lead news story in New Zealand every night for six months, covering every aspect if its design, construction, transport, and installation, with every breathless reporter an antipodean equivalent of Huell Howser.

“Now, tell us how you got the Gollum here down to the airport.”

“Well, we used trucks.”

“On trucks? Well that is amAYzing!”

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