How come gingers are the ugliest humans yet orangutans are the awesomest apes?  Discuss. |fckyeahdementia|

MORNING LINKS

Supreme Court Rules That States Cannot Prohibit Sale Of Violent Video Games To Children. [Uproxx]

‘Boardwalk Empire’ Season 2 Teaser: Klansmen with Machine Guns! [WarmingGlow]

Meet the 2011 Ugliest Dog in the World [WithLeather]

Hey, remember The Rocketeer?  These people sure do. |GammaSquad|

Paralyzed Cat Takes Swimming Lessons [Buzzfeed]

A Terrifying Gallery of Pokemon from Hell [Unreality]

Panthro Stars in His One Man Show, “ThunderCat on a Hot Tin Roof” [ToplessRobot]

PICTURED: Well that’s certainly a look. Thanks for the tip, Stephanie.

Bus 62 is gangster as hell. |TheDailyWhat|

Charlie Sheen is taking applications for new goddesses. |TheSuperficial|

See? I told you Dave Chappelle was buff now. |WWTDD|

Jenni P models hand bra, arm bra. |GorillaMask|

“Kids unwrap dad” is more heartwarming than it sounds. |Videogum|

This guy owns thousands of pornos and a totally sweet beard. |NYCStool|

Sports that never took off, for obvious reasons. |HolyTaco|

FAN US ON FACEBOOK. And TWITTER. And ITUNES.

This is a real thing being sold on Etsy by someone with the username “cubist literature.” |Regretsy|

MORNING LINKS

• Why are teenagers doing it less? |Uproxx|
• What can’t Anne Hathaway do? |Uproxx|
• Charlie Sheen officially fired. If this kills Two and a Half Men, it could be the best PR move ever. |WarmingGlow|
• Google Test Drives Self-Driving Cars, Drunk Uncle Is Thankful (Video). |GammaSquad|
• Mark Cuban and Charlie Sheen joining forces? |WithLeather|
• Whatever the hell is going on here is pretty disturbing. |TheDailyWhat|
• Huge brawl at a Taco Bell.  Probably over the beef content of the tacos. |BostonBarstoolSports|
• Old people rapping Sir Mixalot. |GorillaMask|
• Five alternatives to walking. |HolyTaco|
• Five actors besides Sheen who pissed away a hit TV show. |ScreenJunkies|
• What a Funky Lady: The Top Five Actors Who Have Morphed Into Middle-Aged Women. |Pajiba|
• LIKE A BOSS. Dog slippers via
• Top 10 Scariest Gary Busey Pictures From The Past 4 Years. |Buzzfeed|
• Charlie Sheen says hes gonna cut kids throats |WWTDD|
• Dude Saves Old Man By Catching Flying Bat with a Beer in His Hand |BroBible|
• Girls on Film: Ten Women Who’ve Made Cinematic History |Moviefone|

Read the rest of this entry »

Ashton Kutcher celebrated the debut of his film No Strings Attached last weekend with a YouTube performance of a song that he wrote with his 19-year old stepsister Scout Willis, who is the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Wait, my bad, Scout is Ashton’s stepdaughter. I always mix that up because the former is fine and the latter is f*cking creepy.

And while No Strings Attached prevailed at the box office to the tune of $20 million with the mere technicality that no other movies of note were released, Kutcher ain’t gonna be winning any awards for this performance of their song, “My Sober.”

Read the rest of this entry »

In “this can’t be real but please let it be real” news, Vincent Gallo has a merchandise website and one of the many wonderful items that the self-proclaimed legend is selling is… his semen. For $1,000,000 you can purchase your own sample of the Buffalo 66 star’s hot nut. You can also buy a brown hat for $750, but I think the real bargain is the chance to have Gallo’s baby.

And the news gets even better! If his salty discharge doesn’t work the first time, he’ll gladly keep popping in a cup for you until you get his hairy baby brewing in your tummy. What a gentleman! Tell us more, our new favorite Vince…

Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. (Via VGMerchandise.com)

That’s right – if you’re hot, you’ll save half a million. If you’re busted, the sex is going to cost you. But no, it’s not prostitution by any means. It’s “natural insemination.” Jesus, why didn’t I think of that?

I was originally going to make fun of the arrogance behind assuming that women would pay $1,000,000 for this guy’s sperm to ride a fixed-gear bike into their wombs. But now I actually admire him for saying, “Why not?” So it is with great pleasure that I announce that we will be selling Vincent Mancini sperm for $6. But he’s going to need the sock back.

(A very special thanks to Charlie Bronze for the tip.)

It probably helps to know the reference, but I think (two-time Frotcast guest) Bobby Hacker’s new video for the “Heart-Shaped Hearts’” “Cutting My D*ck Off” would be pretty funny regardless.  Anyway, have fun accidentally singing this to yourself in front of your boss later today.

MORNING LINKS

• Eight Completely Badass Veterans You’ve Never Heard Of. |Uproxx|

• Who’s Probing Google This Week? |Uproxx|

• Dino De Laurentiis died, and here’s a better story about him than I could post here. |NYTimes|

• Shows democrats watch vs. shows republicans watch. |WarmingGlow|

• British Transformer is basically named “retardocon.” |GammaSquad|

• This video of hurdlers falling down inspired a nation. |WithLeather|

• Pictured: The country’s fattest states. Don’t get cocky, Hawaii, the only reason you’re not one of the fattest is meth. |CalorieLab|

• 25 Military Animals. |HolyTaco|

• Our friend Lindy West’s delightful review of Unstoppable. |TheStranger|

• The Movie Military Chain of Command. |ScreenJunkies|

• Kid sets his friend’s head on fire. (Video) |NYCBarstoolSports|

• 25 bootleg DVD covers. |UnrealityMag|

• Predictions for the 2011 Oscar nominations. |NERDS!|

• UPROXX 2010 Holiday Guide |Uproxx|

• The 60 Greatest Movies About American Soldiers. |BroBible|

• Ten Kick-Ass Cover Songs. |Gunaxin|

FilmDrunk on Facebook. FilmDrunk on Twitter. The Frotcast on iTunes. Comments of the week.