Back in 2009, producers Tonya Holly and Tom Rogers threw their darts at Hollywood’s giant remake board and they landed on Bonnie and Clyde, the 1967 classic starring Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. Insisting that they could cast some of today’s hottest young stars and pay an honest tribute to the original, Holly and Rogers pegged Amanda Seyfried to play Bonnie, but she didn’t recognize the awesome opportunity and they offered it to the next best actress – Hilary Duff.

Duff, whose recent IMDB listings read like a career obituary, also announced two weeks ago that she was pregnant with her first child with husband and “hockey player” Mike Comrie. The producers were so excited for Duff that they gave her a nice vacation as a reward. Oh, and they fired her, too. But before you go feeling bad for Duff about losing this clearly high demand gig, she was also paid $100,000 for her troubles, as well as her silence, according to this comment she made to TMZ:

“I don’t wanna give them any more press than they’ve already gotten off me,” she said. “I think my baby is a little bit more exciting.”

This is a tough one – The remake of a classic film by the people who brought us When I Find the Ocean or the unborn baby of a fading child star and an oft-injured hockey player. Sorry Duffster, but I’m going to have to call this one a push.

Because they like to stir shit up, the Chicago Sun-Times recently asked Bonnie and Clyde stars Faye Dunaway and Warren Beattie for their thoughts on the upcoming tween version of their 1967 classic.  Not surprisingly, their reactions were, “Why?”.  Regarding the new Bonnie, Hilary Duff, Dunaway added:

‘‘Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?”

Whoa whoa whoa, easy there, grandma.  Next you’ll tell me Agent Cody Banks and The Lizzie McGuire Movie aren’t real movies.  Look at that second one, it’s right there in the title.

^{[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]}

Indie studio Cypress Moon has announced plans to make The Story of Bonnie and Clyde.  So who’ll replace Faye Dunaway and Warren Beattie?  Why, none other than Hilary Duff (who I’ve heard of but don’t know why) and Kevin Zegers, a veteran of four Air Bud movies (including Golden Receiver through Seventh Inning Fetch) AND a little film you might remember called MVP: Most Valuable Primate.

Tonya S. Holly will direct the film from her own script, which is a new adaptation rather than a remake of the 1967 classic. Holly began working on the project after reading old newspaper articles about the gangster pair in an abandoned house on her family’s property. [Variety]

That’s funny, I started writing this post after hearing about Tonya S. Holly from a hobo whose underwear I scrubbed clean behind the old planetorium.  Look, we already know you’re making a movie with Hilary Duff, just go ahead and say Wikipedia.  Holly is previously known for her work on When I Find the Ocean, and I shit you not this is the actual DVD cover.

Most disappointing headline ever?  Yes.  Most disappointing headline ever.  After the jump is a clip from political satire War, Inc. brought to you by John Cusack. The movie is about oh who cares it’s got Hilary Duff dancing sexily.  OWOOOOGA!

By the way, the word "sexily" is fun to say.  If you say it too many times, either the police arrest you or people think you’re talking about a new cereal.  Whole grain Sexily™, new from Kashi.  Chock full o’ nuts. – RoboPanda

[Video courtesy of MTV]