A few months ago, we found out that Brett Ratner would be wheezing Cheeto crumbs and leaving nacho cheese fingerprints all over the script for Hercules, with the lead role to be played by The Rock, in a “graphic-novel-based” film produced by Peter “JOIN THE ARMY, MOTHERF*CKER” Berg. Now, Renny Harlin, who directed Deep Blue Sea, Cutthroat Island, Die Hard 2, and a John Cena movie, and who was basically Michael Bay before Michael Bay was Michael Bay, has signed on for a competing project called “Hercules 3D,” which is totally gonna be supes different from that other Hercules movie, you guys. I mean, for one thing, I hear the 3D goes up to 11.

“It’s not a comic book, cartoony fantasy thing,” Harlin tells The Hollywood Reporter. “It’s closer to Gladiator than flying horses.”
On the subject of the competing Hercules project, Harlin says, “I think these are very different kinds of movies in their approach to this legendary character. Obviously, Hercules has been portrayed in many different films, such as the Disney animated movie. I wish them luck. Ancient Greek mythology is an endless source of good stories … Let’s see both movies be successful.”
Millennium has begun pre-production on the $70-million-budgeted film and expects to cast its eight leading roles in the next few weeks. The company is eyeing a May production start on its lot in Sofia, Bulgaria, and hopes to have the movie ready for a March 2014 release.
The aggressive schedule is squarely aimed to beat Paramount and MGM’s rival Hercules project, which is being directed by Brett Ratner and is to star Dwayne Johnson. That movie is set for an Aug. 8, 2014, release.

Renny Harlin’s movies are awesomely sh*tty, and Hercules is every dumb studio exec’s brilliant plan to capitalize on The 300 (at one point there were three separate Hercules movies in development, I’m not sure how many there are now). This seems like a match made in dumb movie heaven. There aren’t many people besides Renny Harlin who could ever dream of out-dumbing a Brett Ratner movie starring a pro wrestler. Paul WS Anderson, maybe. Anyway, this is great news for Jason Momoa. Stay near the phone, dude.

Dwayne the Rock Johnson is one of the most likable and charismatic media personalities around and Brett Ratner is Hollywood’s most successful ass-kissing social climber, so it was probably inevitable that they’d one day cross paths (artist’s conception above). Turns out Ratner will be stalking craft services’ shrimp cocktail platter on Hercules, a graphic-novel-based The Rock vehicle being produced by Peter “JOIN THE ARMY, MOTHERF*CKER!” Berg.

The Brett Ratner-directed Hercules action film will be co-produced by Paramount and MGM, the companies announced today. Johnson and Ratner’s names have been attached to the project since early spring. The screenplay was adapted by Ryan Condal from Radical Studios’ graphic novel Hercules: The Thracian Wars. [Deadline]

Expected to start shooting in 2013, the project is based on a comic called Hercules: The Thracian Wars, which is described thusly:

Nearly 3,200 years ago, a tormented soul walked the Earth as neither man nor god: Hercules, powerful son of the god-king Zeus, and for this he received nothing but suffering. After 12 arduous labors and the loss of his family, this dark, world-weary soul turned his back on the gods, finding solace only in bloody battle. Over the years, he warmed to the company of six similar souls, bonded by their love of fighting and the presence of death never questioning where they go or who they fight, just how much they will be paid. Now the King of Thrace has hired these mercenaries to turn his men into the greatest army of all time, which means training them to be as bloodthirsty and ruthless as their own reputation. It is time for this band of lost souls to finally have their eyes opened to how far they have fallen and the narrow, perilous path to their own redemption. [Screenrant]

So, Conan meets Clash of the Titans, basically? Also, the mercenaries redeem themselves by training other mercenaries to become bloodthirsty and ruthless? That’s… interesting. That synopsis read like six Tapout commercials simultaneously trying to rear naked choke each other. Look, here’s what to expect: A greased-up, shirtless Rock bonks dudes on the head while Ratner throws shrimp at him, and it makes $80 million.

For a guy who hasn’t made a feature since Rush Hour 3, Brett Ratner’s name sure gets attached to a lot of projects. My sense is that he just shows up, collects a paycheck for a while, and then leaves when the nachos run out.  The latest project for which he’s reportedly “in talks” is Hercules.  I just hope they’ll treat it with all the respect they showed Conan, by which I mean hire a guy from a Baywatch spinoff to star.

Mustard my corn dog, LA Times:

Ratner is in talks to direct Lerner’s long-developed tale of the mythological god (Hercules to the Romans, Heracles to the Greeks). The producer has been developing the movie for more than three years, with the project gaining new momentum of late, though it’s still in the development stage. Little is known about the specifics of the new version, though it’s expected to bring Lerner’s classic action ethos to the larger-than-life character.

If this project ever happens (which it won’t), I guaran-godd*mn-tee you they will try to get Taylor Lautner to star. They should just re-release the original from 1970 in which Arnold Schwarzenegger fights a bear.  This is one of my favorite clips of all time:

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Folks, sometimes we here at FilmDrunk like to take a time out from movie news to ponder the big questions.  Questions like, “Who’s better at fighting bears, Walker Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris) or Hercules (Lou Ferrigno)?”

Hercules seems to be a clear winner, on account of him beating up the bear and throwing it into outer space (though the bear’s ghost does growl menacingly at us).  Meanwhile, Walker defeats his bear simply by looking into his soul, like some kind of pacificist, new-age pussy.  What’s up, Chuck? I thought you were a Republican. Or maybe I switched on Walker Canadian Mountie by mistake? If so, my bad. 

*mouths “PUSSY”*
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If you heard “Hercules movie” and instantly thought it would be some low-budget, b-movie joke, guess again. Hercules: The Beginning is set to be directed by none other than Sheldon Lettich, whom you may remember from his masterpiece, Double Impact (see above and after the jump). I can’t wait.

[Variety]
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