Hellboy 2 claimed the top spot in a weak field at the box office this weekend, pulling in a modest $35.9 million dollars.  In other not surprising news, Meet Dave, the Eddie Murphy vehicle for which the star skipped his own premiere, was a complete failure, opening in the seventh spot and earning just $5.3 million.  The movie looked horrible.  But knowing these industry analysts, I’m sure there’s a more science-y sounding reason for its failure…

Science-fiction comedy has not been a kind genre for Murphy. His biggest bomb ever was the sci-fi tale "The Adventures of Pluto Nash," which cost about $90 million and took in just $4.4 million during its entire run.  "It was a tough concept to get across," 20th Century Fox distribution executive Bert Livingston said of "Meet Dave," which cost about $55 million to make. "It’s upsetting for all of us and for Eddie. He’s very funny in this. Just not enough people came."

If only some of that money had gone towards fat suits. Full top 10 after the jump.

1. "Hellboy II: The Golden Army," $35.9 million.
2. "Hancock," $33 million.
3. "Journey to the Center of the Earth," $20.6 million.
4. "Wall-E," $18.5 million.
5. "Wanted," $11.6 million.
6. "Get Smart," $7.1 million.
7. "Meet Dave," $5.3 million.
8. "Kung Fu Panda," $7.5 4.3 million. [Sorry, CNN's error, not mine]
9. "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl," $2.5 million.
10. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," $2.3 million.

[CNN] 

Sorry this is going up a little late, folks.  I fell asleep.  A natural response to this week’s releases, I’m afraid.

Opening this week: 

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Consensus on this one seems to be that it’s pretty badass, and it’s easily the only new movie out worth seeing.  I dunno though, I can’t seem to get excited about it.  Maybe I should do some more coke.

Journey to the Center of the Earth
Looks like the kind of half-assed, uninspired crap we’ve come to expect from Brendan Fraser.  The critics say it’s good if you see it in 3-D.  Like cheese in a can, it seems like something I’d recommend not going near unless you’re really, really high. 

Meet Dave
I would literally rather be raped by a man.

With Hancock, Hulk, The Dark Knight, Wall E, Wanted and everything else that’s out or opening in the next few weeks, it’s almost like Hellboy 2 has slipped through the cracks – like a fart, or queef.  To jog your memory, they’ve released the third official trailer (above), a featurette, an animated comic, and a clip introducing Johann Crause (all after the jump). 

With a signature blend of action, humor and character-based spectacle, the saga of the world’s toughest, kitten-loving hero from Hell continues to unfold in Hellboy II: The Golden Army.  Bigger muscle, badder weapons and more ungodly villains arrive in an epic vision of imagination from Oscar-nominated director Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy). After an ancient truce existing between humankind and the invisible realm of the fantastic is broken, hell on Earth is ready to erupt.  A ruthless leader who treads the world above and the one below defies his bloodline and awakens an unstoppable army of creatures.  Now, it’s up to the planet’s toughest, roughest superhero to battle the merciless dictator and his marauders. [Apple]

I watched all of these videos and didn’t see any kittens.  I call false advertising. 

Johann Kraus

Hellboy II: The Golden Army opens July 11th and promises to be filled with strange, creepy little creatures, a lá Pan’s Labyrinth, or your sister’s underpants.

The story of Hellboy begins in hell, when Hellboy, a demon, was brought to Earth as an infant by Nazi occultists – much like Brett Ratner.  He was rescued by Allied Forces and grew up buff and red, with a tail and horns that he filed off to look normal.  According to Wikipedia, he smells like dry-roasted peanuts.  Brett Ratner, meanwhile, smells like Nachos and Axe body spray.   

[Thanks to Robo for the tip] 

One more clip here (fast-forward to the 1:39 mark)

This is the newest trailer for Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.  I know it’s in Russian again, but I still think it’s better that way.   After all, this is a movie about a guy with red skin and horns that he’s sawed off to look more normal.  I don’t think you’re going to be sitting there going, "Gee, all this action just doesn’t make sense without expository dialogue!"  It’s more fun when they take the Iron Man route.  "You want exposition?  F you, rocket arms. And have you met my glib robot?  He’s glib and he’s a robot, what more do you need to know?"

Got a couple new TV spots (in English) after the jump. 

You can watch the TV spots here and here.  I would’ve embedded them but I couldn’t figure out how to keep their stupid widget from autoplaying and I don’t have all day to dick around with HTML codes.