Hi.

Weekend Preview: I guess Super 8 is gonna be the thing this weekend, because it’s pretty much the only new movie getting a wide release. (Haha, wide release means sex.)

Super 8: The Abrams/Spielberg super-duper top secret alienmonstertrain1970s movie.

RottenTomatoes: 83%

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Abrams fashions Super 8 in such a calculating manner, with every element weighed both for maximum nostalgia value and ironic hipster cred, that it has an artificial feel to it. It’s like a birthday cake made of spun glass.”‘ – Peter Howell, Toronto Star

“E.T. texted a homey, Spielberg paid the earth-bound ticket, and now we have Super 8.” – Mike Ward, Richmond.com. [Note: I'm only including this quote because the phrase "E.T. texted a homey" kinda makes my favorite ODB clip relevant.]

“Has moments of greatness, but the ending is a slight disappointment.” – Richard Roeper, RichardRoeper.com

“Loving, playful, and spectacularly well made, Super 8 is easily the best summer movie of the year — of many years. And I make that declaration with full knowledge that the season has just begun.” – Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly

Armchair Analysis: Except for our fearless leader, the reviews are generally positive. I don’t know what that means. It’s either the best summer movie in the history of the sun, a wet fart, or somewhere in between. My biggest gripe is with the SHHH IZ ALL SECRETS marketing strategy. I’ve refused to see movies marketed this way since I took a date to see Blair Witch as a teenager. My date hated it, I wasted like $20, and any semblance of “mood” was killed by some old lady who got WAY motion-sick from the shaky camera. Do what you need to to stir up interest Hollywood, but don’t salt a man’s game, nah mean?

NEXT: JUDY MOODY AND THE NOT BUMMER SUMMER

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Er, I mean boobs.  I mean actress.  Anyway, here’s Heather Graham at the Hangover premiere in England proving that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his giant boner.  Because the color of her dress really brings out her eyes (she has eyes, right?).

I’d be pissed if I was the director.  There’s no way anyone within a 15-seat radius of Heather Graham paid any attention to the movie.  That’s like being the groomsman at a wedding and just hanging your balls out of your zipper during the ceremony.  Except sexier.  If that’s possible.

[via BWE]

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Baby on Board.  Which I liked better when it was called The Break Up, and again when it was called What Happens in Vegas.  That’s right, What Happens in Vegas looks better than this.  But it does still have a chance at the Oscar for best use of sound effects in a trailer (they have that, right?).  Keep your ears peeled for the classic record scratch at the 45-second mark, and the criminally underused Flintstones-car-coming-to-a-halt sound at 1:07.  What, no canned laughter?  For the love of God, tell me how to think, trailer editing guy!
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