The British Academy Awards, the BAFTAs, happened over the weekend, and that slick Hollywood fluff piece (set in India!) Slumdog Millionaire took best picture.  When I heard, I got so angry that I immediately looked at pictures of Emma Watson and imagined what she’d look like naked and with bigger boobs.  She’s really pretty.  She’s like the little sister I never boned.  Elsewhere, Heath Ledger locked up the award for being dead and Mickey Rourke wore a fashion scarf.  So, pretty much business as usual.

Rourke took home Best Actor, and upon being asked how he was able to so convincingly portray aging wrestler Randy the Ram, Rourke called out Chris Jericho, snorted a line, and invited the interviewer to a “fireman party”. (full list of winners and Mickey Rourke’s acceptance speech after the jump)

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Legendary photographer Annie Leibovitz took a series of photographs of some of this year’s actor/director pairings for the latest Vanity Fair.  You can see why she’s legendary, because she’s managed to TAKE PICTURES of CELEBRITIES in front of a GREY WALL.  How does she do it?  This kind of genius doesn’t come naturally. She may have sold her soul to the devil.  Or bathed in the blood of Christian babies. In fact, I think I read that somewhere.

Tragic yet metal story alert: A 20-year-old man wearing Joker makeup broke into a Belgian nursery and went on a BABY STABBING SPREE.  Two infants and a caretaker are dead, with two still in critical condition.

There were 21 infants in the creche and six supervisors. All of the victims were stabbed in the throat or head. Parents gathered in the Dendermonde town hall and, with psychologists in support, identified the victims using photographs. Nine children escaped unharmed. Three of the creche’s child care workers were injured as they tried to fend off the attacker.

“There was blood everywhere, it was unbelievable, real carnage. He went straight for the babies and attacked them. The smallest ones were in their beds, they were probably asleep.”

After the attack, the man calmly left on his bicycle. Police sealed off all local schools as panic spread throughout the town.

The knifeman was pursued by a police helicopter and arrested in a nearby supermarket still in possession of the weapon used in the attack.

“You can’t imagine what we saw at that time. The babies were hurt not in the arms, not in the legs, not in the stomach, always the head or the neck. It is something you don’t forget.” [Telegraph]

The man has since been identified as Kim de Gelder, who some say may have been inspired by the anniversary of Heath Ledger’s death.

The Australian actor died of a drug overdose on Jan 22, 2008, a year and a day before the suspect is accused of carrying out the attack after painting his face white, blackening his eyes and either colouring his hair red or wearing a red wig. Mr De Gelder has been variously described by former workmates as a “film freak” and “movie addict”.

The young man, who lived his whole life within three miles of the family home has emerged as a troubled loner.

“His nickname was Satan,” said one former schoolmate.

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The nominations for the 81st Academy Awards have been released.  No best song for Springsteen?  Nothing for Eastwood? Encounters at the End of the World over Gonzo?  Have another chamomile, you pussies.

Best Picture: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk, The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire

Best Actor: Richard Jenkins, The Visitor, Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon, Sean Penn, Milk, Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Really?], Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Best Actress: Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married, Angelina Jolie, Changeling, Melissa Leo, Frozen River, Meryl Streep, Doubt, Kate Winslet, The Reader

Best Supporting Actor: Josh Brolin, Milk, Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt, Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight, Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, Doubt, Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Viola Davis, Doubt, Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire, Stephen Daldry, The Reader, David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon, Gus Van Sant, Milk  [MORE CATEGORIES AFTER THE JUMP…}

Wow.  Nice to see Mickey Rourke on there, but The Wrestler is a hell of a lot better than any of their best picture nominees.  Frost/Nixon?  Milk?  The Reader?  Is this an award for great filmmaking or the IMPORTANT STORY FROM HISTORY award?  And I’m sure you’ll all notice the Dark Knight snub.  Even if you don’t think it deserves a best picture nomination (I’m on the fence, myself), Chris Nolan still deserves a best director nod (this dismissive wank is for you, Ron Howard).  It’s much harder to make a believable movie about Batman than it is to make yet another holocaust masturbation.  Do they realize what they’ve done? They’ve made us bored.  With THE HOLOCAUST.  At some point, they may have to recruit some members of the Academy who aren’t a million years old.  Just a thought.

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^{Only two velvet jackets?  Such restraint.  (picture courtesy of JustJared, obviously)}

That I searched for Golden Globes pictures and the first thing that popped up was a shot of the Jonas Mannequins should tell you just about all you need to know about this retarded farce.  In other news, Katie Holmes is looking really bad these days.

List of winners after the jump, plus, see Demi Moore present Heath Ledger’s Best Supporting Actor award to Chris Nolan.  Such a surprise that Ledger won.  Took a lot courage to pick him over Tom Cruise in a fatsuit, I bet. Also, if anyone could tell me what the hell’s going on here that’d be great.

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