The Farrelly Brothers wanted to do a Three Stooges movie immediately following Heartbreak Kid, but are having some trouble.

With brand new actors, they planned to write and direct four slapstick vignettes in the vein of the old Stooges shorts. Sounds like a much better idea than Stuck on You, but the studio would rather have them direct another raucous comedy.
"It’s one of those things, it’s just been tricky," said Peter Farrelly. "The studios all feel like women won’t go see it. I don’t agree. Dumb and Dumber wasn’t a chick flick but eventually women got in there."
Studios are also arguing foreign sales as an issue. "Also, they don’t think it’s going to be big overseas because no one knows of it but again, no one knew about Dumb and Dumber. It’s a hard one but we are going to do it eventually." [RottenTomatoes]

Wow, brand new actors – you don’t say! I thought they were just going to film some corpses.  Dead people are a hilarious – woob woob woob woob! (Oh, and psst, Dumb and Dumber came out 13 years ago)

But zombies aside, I think it’s cute how the studios lie to spare the Farrellys’ feelings.  They’re like the guy who keeps going after the hot girl because she’s too nice for him to get the hint.  "It’s so frustrating, bro.  Lisa’s always telling me what a great person I am, but she says she’s just not ready for a relationship right now.  WTF? Her and Jesse broke up like a year ago!"  Meanwhile "not ready for a relationship" is code for "You wear boat shoes and use the word ‘homegirl’,"; just like "Women won’t see it" is code for "We’re not handing one of the most legendary comedy franchises ever to guys who haven’t made a solid movie since 1998 and put Carlos Mencia in their last movie."  

You can bet if Judd Apatow wanted to make Three Stooges Seth Rogen would already be shaving a horshoe into his Jew fro.

Heartbreak Kid failed to beat out The Game Plan this weekend as Hollywood put up its worst numbers for an October weekend since 1999. 

It’s nice to see a movie fail largely on the strength of poor reviews (especially one with Carlos Mencia in it) like Heartbreak Kid did, but when a movie with the Rock is at the top spot (and it’s on track to become the highest grossing Rock movie ever), there isn’t much to celebrate about.  

The Kingdom came in third, which is a shame because it’s a pretty kickass movie, despite the fact that director seems to enjoy shaking the camera around for no other purpose than to give the audience motion sickness for the entire movie.  Can someone please let Hollywood know that that shit is retarded?  If I wanted to feel like a shaken baby, I’d… uh… turn into a baby… and… uh… shake myself.  Or something. 

On the plus side, Michael Clayton opened on 15 screens and made $704,000 for an astounding $46,933 average.  Sadly, George Clooney still won’t admit that he’s my real father.

Opening this weekend:

The Heartbreak Kid: Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Jerry Stiller, Malin Akerman.  The queef clip was kinda funny, but the Farrelly’s haven’t made a funny movie in a while. What, Carlos Mencia’s in it?  Yeah, I’ll be waiting for the video.

Feel the Noise: Produced by, uh, JLo. "After a run-in with local thugs, a talented Harlem rapper is forced to hide in Puerto Rico, but finds his salvation in Reggaeton beats."  They said nothing about Quiet Riot. They can fornicate themselves with a fried plantain for all I care. 

The Seeker: Dark is Rising: Currently tracking 19% recommended on RottenTomatoes.  I’m glad I’m not in touch with any of the children I may or may not have fathered.  It saves me the trouble of refusing to take them to this turd.

Limited Release:
Finishing the Game: Justin Lin.  Mockumentary about finding Bruce Lee’s replacement.  By the guy who directed Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, you say?  Think I’ll stay home and order Thai food instead, thanks.   

The Good Night: Jake Paltrow.  Gwyneth, Penelope Cruz, Simon Pegg, Danny DeVito.  It doesn’t look awful, but I already broke my Coppola ban this week; no way I’m seeing a Paltrow’s movie. 

Michael Clayton: Tony Gilroy. George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sydney Pollack. I wish Clooney were my real father. And Tom Wilkinson’s a great actor. Hell why not, I’d bang this movie.

IESB posted this clip from Heartbreak Kid.  Instead of making movies, the Farrelly Brothers should just make 30 second clips of movies to put on the internet.  I actually enjoyed this.

It’s also noteworthy for showcasing the Q-word.  When people think cuss words, they sort of forget about the Q-word.  It’s a shame.  The Q-word really SLIPS THROUGH THE CRACKS (this joke courtesy of Ben Feldman).   

If Stuck on You and Fever Pitch didn’t convince you that the Farrelly Brothers have been taking unfunny pills since There’s Something About Mary came out, these two new clips (here and here) from Heartbreak Kid will. 

Jerry Stiller playing Ben Stiller’s dad, hey that’s cute, ’cause they’re like actually father and son, right?  Ha, that’s funny.  I like it because I get it, and I don’t usually, like, get stuff, you know?  Good thing I read People Magazine to stay up on the latest news, otherwise I’d be lost right now, haha, lol! I bet his wife has a part in this somewhere, that would be really funny too! Omg! Lol!

And seriously? Carlos Mencia?  In the words of Joe Rogan, "What he’s done is he’s figured out a way to tune into a special frequency that retards operate on. He does jokes that are only for dumb people."  Couldn’t have said it better myself.  For once. 

Look for the Farrelly’s to direct the next Dane Cook vehicle.