He-Man sings a disco-y cover of “What’s Going On” by 4 Non-Blondes. …Yeah.  Just watch it. It’s just as weird and 10 times as awesome as it sounds. |Urlesque|

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Robopanda’s 15 funny redundant photos. |Uproxx|
• Buildin’ human organs out of miniature legos, G. |GammaSquad|
• Paul Reiser is the antichrist, so NBC gives him another show. |WarmingGlow|
• Newly-minted WithLeather writer Burnsy reports on Glee getting the post-Super Bowl slot. |WithLeather|
• The top 10 crazy backstage demands. |AskMen|
• Delonte West bones Lebron James’ mom, and the 20 craziest rumors in sports. |BleacherReport|
• A robot presides over a wedding service in Wisconsin.  Ha, just kidding, it was Japan. |Asylum|
• This corgi only responds to its owner’s bad Beatles impressions. |CollegeHumor|
• The top 20 fictional gadgets.  Number one?  The clitoris. |Gunaxin|
• The Dave Chappelle gif of the week. |UnrealityMag|
• Great moments in Cleveland sports history. |SportsPickle|
• Ever wonder what happens when you OD on Viagra? |FListed|
• The booty pop test with Olivia Munn and that guy, Professor Whatshisface. |G4|

Who doesn't remember when He-Man taught us all an important lesson about "The Stranger"?

If you were freaking out that we’d never see a (second) He-Man movie, take a hit of this inhaler and relax, because it’s coming.  The project, once set up at WB and with a spec script written by Justin Marks of “He walks through the rain drops” Street Fighter fame, was later dropped by WB and picked up by Columbia like so much prison soap. Today’s news is that Columbia has hired Mike Finch and Alex Litvak, who wrote the upcoming Predators reboot, to write a new script.  And it will probably be really good, because Mattel has story approval.  And because it’s about He-Man.

Columbia picked up rights to the property in the fall, when Mattel and Warner Bros.  couldn’t agree on a creative vision. The addition of the rising writers is the first major move on the property and signals the project is being rebuilt from the ground up. While at Warners, “Masters” went through several writers and in latter stages had John Stevenson, who co-helmed “Kung Fu Panda,” attached to direct.

Getting the go-ahead to tackle any major toy-brand film can be tricky. Depending on the property, writers and directors need to get a thumbs-up from the studio, which then has to win approval from the toy company. In the case of “Masters,” Mattel has story approval.

In their pitch, the scribes attempted to balance a treatment that would convince the studio it was cinematic and keep the toy company satisfied that its characters were being portrayed appropriately. [HeatVision]

Well it is tough to get people to portray He-Man appropriately.  Like my mom, who was always calling my He-Man toys “dolls.”  Duh, mom, only girls play with stupid dolls.  Boys play with totally awesome, totally buff blond dudes with chiseled bodies and sweet bangs, and they’re called action figures, ya dumb bitch.  But don’t worry about her, she barely comes down here anymore.

A

He-Man movie that had been in development at WB and since dropped, has been picked up by Columbia. The blogosphere had been really excited about the last He-Man script, because it was written by the guy who did Street Fighter: The Legend of Chris Klein’s Awful Acting and was described as “Lord of the Rings meets The Matrix meets Batman Begins”.  It’s true, bloggers are stupid.  Meanwhile, Universal and Mattel have announced plans for a movie version of Barbie.  My favorite part of that story was the opening line.

Universal Pictures has added Barbie to its star stable.

Haha, ‘stable’, get it?  Because Barbie is a whore and Universal is a pimp.  A ‘no-good pimp I wouldn’t trust to wash my car,’ specifically.  Anyway, since this news is surprising to precisely no one, let’s all have a good laugh at how they try to justify this.  Sure, I believe you, Universal, you’re just trying to pay your way through college. Now turn around so I can stick another Washington in your cooter.

Read the rest of this entry »

Screenwriter Justin Marks recently discussed the He-Man movie in an interview with Toyfare magazine (Note to FBI Pederast Division: Get magazine’s distribution list immediately).

Marks, who co-wrote the script with Neil Ellice, says:

There are no invented new characters plopped [hee hee!] into it-and if we and Mattel have our way there will never be. We’re talking about the He-Man mythology. So what we’re talking about doing, in the same way as Batman Begins, we’re going back to the original thing, let’s build it from the ground up again. How can we find our way in? How can we jump into Adam’s life at an interesting point where new audiences will respect him? It’s an Adam origin story, and it’s a Skeletor origin story. We want to see where both of them come from and how they got that way. If we don’t see the humanity and the truth in what Skeletor’s trying to do, then the story’s not compelling.  [full transcript here] 

He-Man mythology?  I wasn’t aware there was one.  Only thing I remember is Dad taking my action figures away when I rubbed He-Man and GI Joe together and made kissing noises.  Seriously, everybody does that, right?  Guys?

It’s true though, we really do need someone who’ll finally be true to He-Man; he’s had a rough go of it since he caught She-Ra banging a Thundercat.  He shouted “Heave Ho, Heave Ho!” and slapped her around a little bit, but felt really bad about later, even if she was a whore.  I mean, a Thundercat?!  A Voltron driver I could understand, even a Go-Bot, but a Thundercat?  Disgusting.  They’re worse than club promoters.