With writer Kevin Williamson working hard on the second season of Vampire Diaries, it’s a little unclear who is handling script duties for Scream 4 right now. Currently in production, a series of confusing rumors and Tweets – perhaps started by Williamson himself – have placed the script in the hands of Ehren Kruger, and possibly even director Wes Craven. It’s a mystery wrapped inside of a suspense folded into a riddle and enveloped by a *fart noise*.

Craven denied on his Twitter that he was handling the script rewrites, and while it has been reported that Kruger was completely changing the script after Williamson quit, Kruger is apparently just “polishing” the writing. However, Kruger, who wrote the third installment, is being accused of dumbing down some of the characters, which has left Hayden Panetierre upset with her role.

Me no like hard words, Slash Film:

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In I Love You Beth Cooper, the high school valedictorian (played by Paul Rust – who’s 27, by the way) uses his graduation speech to declare his love for the “popular girl”, played by Hayden Panettiere.  A movie ensues. Now, I don’t always like to weigh in on who is or isn’t hot, but why does Hollywood insist on shoving this Hayden-Panettiere-is-hot thing down our throats?  She’s not bad, but she also looks like a younger, blonder Rachel Ray, or a skinnier Nikki Blonsky. Bottom line, she’s more cute than hot, and maintaining cuteness requires not going around acting like you’re Marilyn f-cking Monroe* all the time.  Besides, having too much self-esteem really sends the wrong message to young girls**.

*Or Jennifer Love Hewitt circa Can’t Hardly Wait
**”Don’t f-ck me”

[picture source]

Now that Obama has a comfortable lead in the polls, it’s time for idiot celebrities to hit the streets and F things up as best they can.  For instance, here’s Hayden Pantiesrarely or whatever her name is from that show I don’t watch doing a hilarious PSA for John McCain on Funny or Die.

Hi, I’m Hayden Panettiere, and I’m hot enough that I know I have your attention for at least 30 seconds [Don't count on it. -Ed.]. I’m here to tell you to vote for John McCain: he’s just like George Bush, except older and with a worse temper.

I think you’ll agree that in tough economic times like these, it’s a good thing we have barely legal legal child actors with seventh grade educations to tell us what to think.  I vote die.

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]

Heroes stars are second only to the High School Musical cast when it comes to “famous” people I’ve never seen before.  Apparently that’s where this Hayden chick is from.  Anyway, she’s in talks to star in I Love You Beth Cooper with Mrs. Doubtfire-director Chris Columbus.

Panettiere would play the titular [hehe] character, a comely [hee hee!] cheerleader who is the object of a nerdy valedictorian’s obsession [mmm, tasty… wait, what?]. They embark on a series of misadventures after he proclaims his love for her in his graduation speech. [Variety]

It’s nice to see these young actresses really stretching themselves.  Ellen Page, sassy.  Hayden Panatatttierrr, cheerleader.  Meanwhile, I’ll be reprising my role as the mysterious movie blogger with a heart of gold and a penis that cures sadness. 

According to her Wiki page, Hayden began modeling professionally at 5 months old.  She began acting at 11 months, presumably after purging breast milk all over her crib in an effort to fit into those brutally thin sample-size diapers.  I bet she had a really healthy childhood.  In other news, I got fired from Starbuck’s when I was 24 and got a job as a porn editor.  I’m a success, ma!