Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has a new trailer out, and my brain would melt if I even attempted to make sense of the plot.  Here’s the official rundown:

Voldemort is tightening his grip on both the Muggle and wizarding worlds and Hogwarts is no longer the safe haven it once was. Harry suspects that dangers may even lie within the castle, but Dumbledore is more intent upon preparing him for the final battle that he knows is fast approaching. Together they work to find the key to unlock Voldemort’s defenses and, to this end, Dumbledore recruits his old friend and colleague, the well-connected and unsuspecting bon vivant Professor Horace Slughorn, whom he believes holds crucial information. Meanwhile, the students are under attack from a very different adversary as teenage hormones rage across the ramparts. Harry finds himself increasingly drawn to Ginny, and so is Dean Thomas. Lavender Brown has decided that Ron is the one for her, only she hasn’t counted on Romilda Vane’s chocolates. Then there’s Hermione, simmering with jealousy but determined not to show her feelings. As romance blossoms, one student remains aloof. He is determined to make his mark, albeit a dark one. Love is in the air, but tragedy lies ahead, and Hogwarts may never be the same again.

I got all the way to “Voldemort is tightening his grip on the Muggle” before I thought of a sex joke.  You?  I don’t blame Voldemort.  My grip would be tight too if I was hanging out with Hermione. Even if she does have a bit of a hairy pooter.  Sorry, it’s just that I’m lazy and these jokes are really easy.

As you can see from these new character posters from Harry Potter 4 or 7 or whatever number this is, the gang’s all here: Harry, the ginger, beardy, ugly white-haired kid, Jailbait McWhatserface, and of course, Alan-y Von Rickman.  Ta-da! You made my enthusiasm disappear.

_{Harry Potter and the Half Blood, Prince}

Oh look, a new Harry Potter trailer.  I forgot they were still making these.  Hey, I wonder if Harry knows a spell that makes you go through puberty.  I could’ve used that in high school.  I mean, uh, junior high.

(trailer below, opens July 17th)
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^{Picture day at Future Smack Addicts Anonymous}

The new Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince trailer came out Friday afternoon (watch it after the jump), and it looks rather dark and Tim Burton-y, what with all the dramatic music and the switching between super saturated color and almost black and white. It’s certainly a departure from the draft I’d written, in which Harry spends the entire movie learning to enlarge Hermione’s breasts with just the right ratio of size to firmness.  Ta da! She’s legal now!
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After the jump I’ve got the new trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I’m sure it will be really good if you’re really stoned, but I can’t risk seeing it in case any of these f-ckers are there.  I can’t go back to prison, man, I just can’t.

Holy shit, did you see me quaffle that snootch with a buck knife?  I just couldn’t help myself.
(UPDATE: Joke probably makes a lot more sense now that it includes the link being referenced)
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