22-year-old actor Jamie Waylett, who famously played the villain Gravybeard in the Harry Potter movies– wait, wait, someone’s handing me a note… sorry, check that, he played the villain Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, and he’s been sentenced to two years in prison for looting during the London riots. That poor bastard, British prisons are terrible! You spend all day weaving powdered wigs for barristers and only get tea twice a day!

Mr. Waylett, 22, who played the all-around Hogwarts bully Crabbe in six “Harry Potter” films, was found guilty of violent disorder during the July riots by a London court on Tuesday, but cleared of intending to destroy or damage property, after video footage showed him holding a gas bomb.

According to the BBC, closed-circuit security camera images depicted Mr. Waylett drinking from a bottle of Champagne that he had been given by another rioter who had looted it from a supermarket and holding a gas bottle with a wick made from a rag.

Simon Carr, the judge in Mr. Waylett’s case, was quoted by the BBC as saying that he accepted a jury’s verdict that the actor did not intend to throw the homemade bomb, “but merely being in possession of it would have been terrifying to anyone who saw you,” the judge said. [NYTimes]

Imagine if some poor soul had dropped a monogrammed hankie!

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According to tumblrblogger Justin Taylor, who first posted the photo, this is Emma Watson with gay porn actor Cameron Adams, who played a version of her Harry Potter character in one of his sodomy films. (No offense to gays, I just enjoy the term “sodomy film”). They met at the MTV Movie Awards, where the crowd is always at least 50% gay porn star*. (*made-up statistic).

This is a picture of Emma Watson with gay porn star Cameron Adams, who plays Hermione Granger’s spoof character, Himmione Grainghim, in Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls. When she found out this tidbit of information, she said it made her night.

Get it? It’s Hermione Granger, but with the “hers” changed to “hims.” (The extra ‘I’ stands for ‘I work in porn because I can’t spell.”)  I imagine Himmione teams up with Schlong Weasely to battle the evil, tacky wizard, Vulvamort. See, I should be writing porn. They’re the only ones who appreciate the caliber of jokes I enjoy making.

I try not to post too many reminders about what a genius I am, because I figure that’s old news for most of my readers. But sometimes it’s unavoidable. Times like when I choose Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 for our fantasy summer box office contest and it has the biggest opening of all time, not that I’m bragging (*puts on bling ‘SUCK IT’ necklace*). Its $168.55 million smashed The Dark Knight’s previous, $154.8 million record.  HP also broke the foreign record with $307 million overseas, up 18% from the previous record holder, Pirates 4. 61% of that came from higher-priced 3D showings, which also helped. All told, it’s made $475.55 million so far. In related news, I hear your mom earned enough to pay for dinner and only had to blow three truckers. It’s all relative.

HP also had a steepest-of-all-time Friday-to-Saturday decline of 53%, which continues the phenomenon of mega-frontloaded Harry Potter films. It’s not enough to see it, you have to be there opening night. I guess that’s so some punk-ass muggle doesn’t spoil the ending for you. Additional fun fact: Harry Potter accounted for two out every three movie tickets sold this weekend.

As a franchise, Harry Potter has now grossed $2.177 billion, and it’s on the brink of eclipsing Star Wars’ $2.218 billion to become the top-grossing franchise in history. In terms of estimated attendance, though, the eight Potter movies have had 57 percent of the impact of the seven Star Wars movies. Star Wars even wins on this front when just its initial releases are counted. However, Harry Potter has earned its place in the pantheon with remarkably consistent blockbuster performances. After Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the sequels’ maximum attendance difference was less than 20 percent. That first movie, though, should remain the best-attended, even as Deathly Hallows Part 2 becomes the top-grossing entry. [BoxOfficeMojo]

I’ve got your top ten and Fantasy Box Office standings below, while I savor my impending victory.

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WEEKEND MOVIE GUIDE: Yes, Harry Potter is out this weekend. If you care at all, you already knew. Also on tap: Winnie the Pooh, a Bellflower screening in New York, and Monday’s HBO Documentary Series feature, Mann vs. Ford.

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2: The final chapter! All your friends are back — creepo, Cap’n Forehead, the ginger kid, the super-pretty one, and probably some other people — for a high-octane thrill ride of magic wands and yelling.

ROTTENTOMATOES: 98%

Gratuitous Review Quotes (out of the 202 reviews, guess who was one of the five negative. Go ahead, just guess…):

“The best possible end for the series that began a decade ago.” -Joe Morganstern, Wall Street Journal

“It’s a pleasant irony that, just as the first installments of Rowling’s oeuvre were better suited to page than screen, the final installments have reversed the relationship.” -Christopher Orr, The Atlantic (of course…)

“This is the way The Harry Potter saga was meant to end.” -Laremy Legel, Film.com

“Now that the Harry Potter series is over, maybe the truth can be realized: This has been the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises.” -Armond White

“TRUTHBOMB’D, MOTHAF*CKAS! But before I go, I just want you to know that this fur hat is made out of Hoberman’s sister’s pubic hairs.” (*drops mic, dumps pimp chalice on Ebert, exits building to chants of ‘Hate hate hate hate hate hate…’*)

NEXT PAGE: Winnie the Pooh

Thank God for Voldemort Cat, he’s really the only thing that gets me excited about posting Harry Potter stuff.  Nothing against Harry Potter or people who like Harry Potter (as long as they’re not some private school quidditch assholes) — unlike Twilight, I can at least recognize that it’s well written and wildly inventive — I’m just too far out of it at this point.  Anyway, below you can watch the trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2, which opens July 15th.  Will Harry finally sneak snape into Hermione’s bumblesnatch?  Will the guy who gets to have sex with Emma Watson shout “Three points for Gryffindor!” at the point of orgasm? Find out below! Maybe!

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