According to tumblrblogger Justin Taylor, who first posted the photo, this is Emma Watson with gay porn actor Cameron Adams, who played a version of her Harry Potter character in one of his sodomy films. (No offense to gays, I just enjoy the term “sodomy film”). They met at the MTV Movie Awards, where the crowd is always at least 50% gay porn star*. (*made-up statistic).

This is a picture of Emma Watson with gay porn star Cameron Adams, who plays Hermione Granger’s spoof character, Himmione Grainghim, in Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer’s Balls. When she found out this tidbit of information, she said it made her night.

Get it? It’s Hermione Granger, but with the “hers” changed to “hims.” (The extra ‘I’ stands for ‘I work in porn because I can’t spell.”)  I imagine Himmione teams up with Schlong Weasely to battle the evil, tacky wizard, Vulvamort. See, I should be writing porn. They’re the only ones who appreciate the caliber of jokes I enjoy making.

I try not to post too many reminders about what a genius I am, because I figure that’s old news for most of my readers. But sometimes it’s unavoidable. Times like when I choose Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 for our fantasy summer box office contest and it has the biggest opening of all time, not that I’m bragging (*puts on bling ‘SUCK IT’ necklace*). Its $168.55 million smashed The Dark Knight’s previous, $154.8 million record.  HP also broke the foreign record with $307 million overseas, up 18% from the previous record holder, Pirates 4. 61% of that came from higher-priced 3D showings, which also helped. All told, it’s made $475.55 million so far. In related news, I hear your mom earned enough to pay for dinner and only had to blow three truckers. It’s all relative.

HP also had a steepest-of-all-time Friday-to-Saturday decline of 53%, which continues the phenomenon of mega-frontloaded Harry Potter films. It’s not enough to see it, you have to be there opening night. I guess that’s so some punk-ass muggle doesn’t spoil the ending for you. Additional fun fact: Harry Potter accounted for two out every three movie tickets sold this weekend.

As a franchise, Harry Potter has now grossed $2.177 billion, and it’s on the brink of eclipsing Star Wars’ $2.218 billion to become the top-grossing franchise in history. In terms of estimated attendance, though, the eight Potter movies have had 57 percent of the impact of the seven Star Wars movies. Star Wars even wins on this front when just its initial releases are counted. However, Harry Potter has earned its place in the pantheon with remarkably consistent blockbuster performances. After Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the sequels’ maximum attendance difference was less than 20 percent. That first movie, though, should remain the best-attended, even as Deathly Hallows Part 2 becomes the top-grossing entry. [BoxOfficeMojo]

I’ve got your top ten and Fantasy Box Office standings below, while I savor my impending victory.

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WEEKEND MOVIE GUIDE: Yes, Harry Potter is out this weekend. If you care at all, you already knew. Also on tap: Winnie the Pooh, a Bellflower screening in New York, and Monday’s HBO Documentary Series feature, Mann vs. Ford.

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2: The final chapter! All your friends are back — creepo, Cap’n Forehead, the ginger kid, the super-pretty one, and probably some other people — for a high-octane thrill ride of magic wands and yelling.

ROTTENTOMATOES: 98%

Gratuitous Review Quotes (out of the 202 reviews, guess who was one of the five negative. Go ahead, just guess…):

“The best possible end for the series that began a decade ago.” -Joe Morganstern, Wall Street Journal

“It’s a pleasant irony that, just as the first installments of Rowling’s oeuvre were better suited to page than screen, the final installments have reversed the relationship.” -Christopher Orr, The Atlantic (of course…)

“This is the way The Harry Potter saga was meant to end.” -Laremy Legel, Film.com

“Now that the Harry Potter series is over, maybe the truth can be realized: This has been the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises.” -Armond White

“TRUTHBOMB’D, MOTHAF*CKAS! But before I go, I just want you to know that this fur hat is made out of Hoberman’s sister’s pubic hairs.” (*drops mic, dumps pimp chalice on Ebert, exits building to chants of ‘Hate hate hate hate hate hate…’*)

NEXT PAGE: Winnie the Pooh

Thank God for Voldemort Cat, he’s really the only thing that gets me excited about posting Harry Potter stuff.  Nothing against Harry Potter or people who like Harry Potter (as long as they’re not some private school quidditch assholes) — unlike Twilight, I can at least recognize that it’s well written and wildly inventive — I’m just too far out of it at this point.  Anyway, below you can watch the trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2, which opens July 15th.  Will Harry finally sneak snape into Hermione’s bumblesnatch?  Will the guy who gets to have sex with Emma Watson shout “Three points for Gryffindor!” at the point of orgasm? Find out below! Maybe!

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Adorable Harry Potter star Emma Watson (Hermione), famously enrolled at Brown University in 2009, taking great pains to fit in, even going so far as to give herself one of those unflattering haircuts only other girls like. But apparently that wasn’t enough for those other Ivy League monsters, who virtually chased her out of school with cruel Harry Potter taunts in the middle of their classes on slam poetry and butler management.

The insider says Watson didn’t shy away from class participation and often would “answer something in class and get it right,” calling the 21-year-old actress “really smart.” Unfortunately, this brought out the sophisticated wit and cinematic expertise of her Ivy League peers.  According to the source, her classmates “would respond [to her answer] with a quote from ‘Harry Potter.’” The most popular choice was “Three points for Gryffindor!”

Poor Emma.  See, your problem was going to a school filled with private-school dorks who’ve probably read every Harry Potter book and play Quidditch on the weekends.  You could always transfer to ASU, where books are like Kryptonite and the only cinema is casting couch porn.

This wasn’t the only difficulty for the actress, who said on her personal blog before entering school that she just “want[ed] to be normal.” While attending a Brown-vs.-Harvard football game in Cambridge, the pixie-haired star described being “stalked” by Harvard students in her school’s section.

Haahvahd students in the Brown section?!  Unacceptable! Ascots, everyone! We shall drum out these rogues the Brown way, with thunderous finger snaps!

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