^{Damn, son, you look like hell.  You need to clean yourself up and find Scientology.}

Will Smith recently spoke to JoBlo at the premiere of Seven Pounds, where he told them there will “definitely” be a Hancock 2.  You might think such a thing unnecessary, but that’s why you’re not one of the aliens controlling Will Smith’s brain (they eat money).

When we asked Will if he’d ever be up for playing another superhero he replied that there were a lot of unexplored characters in the HANCOCK universe that would be ripe for a sequel and confirmed that we’ll definitely see the rumored HANCOCK 2 in a few years.

Yeah, like that one chick with the big tits in the background of the train scene?  She looked ripe.  I’d like to explore her, youknowwhatahmsayin’ *taps speculum in front shirt pocket*.  Seriously though, some advice for all you actor morons: stop talking like your agent and your lawyer.  Everyone hates lawyers, remember?  They get paid to blow smoke up your ass all day, it doesn’t mean you have to believe them.  You’re a person, not a “brand”, and not every shitty movie you make is “a universe”.

Will Ferrell has signed on for a semi-serious role in 2-Face, a comedy script by Hancock writer Vince Gilligan.  Ferrell will play a character who’s one part racist, one part bleeding-heart liberal.

While "2-Face" is described as a comedy with mainstream appeal — familiar terrain for Ferrell — Gilligan’s credits and the story’s socially relevant hook might give the role added heft. Ferrell has tried his hand at more serious roles, most notably in Marc Forster’s 2006 drama "Stranger Than Fiction."

I was pleasantly surprised by Stranger Than Fiction, and Will Ferrell is a talented guy who needs to do something different if he doesn’t want to turn into Mike Myers.  At the very least, this time he’ll have a script to work with, whereas Adam McKay usually just slides a napkin across the table with “Fuck around for a while” written on it.

My teenage alter-ego Sexman is back with his review of Hancock. It’s a little disappointing to see him get all George Lucas self-referential on us again, but his philosophical insights more than make up for it.

The little thing in the credits?  That was pretty good.

You can’t be funny all the time.  It’s sorta like real life.  Yeah you can be funny sometimes, but sometimes… sometimes humor isn’t the most important thing.

He’s right.  It’s like right now.  Right here is the part where you’d expect me to say something funny.  But maybe instead you should try to discover the real you.

Will Smiff continued his run of July 4th hegemony with his movie about a superpowered hobo that was probably created by John Hodgman. This despite the fact that apparently the ending makes no sense and everybody hates it. Could America’s tolerance for Hollywood bullshit be slaked? My $100 million Ethan Embry-helmed remake of The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie will find out for sure.

Smith’s "Hancock," the story of a boozing, foul-mouthed superhero who dresses like a street bum, led the Fourth of July weekend with a $66 million premiere, according to studio estimates Sunday.

"Hancock" is Smith’s fifth movie to open at No. 1 over the Fourth of July, after "Men in Black," its sequel, "Independence Day" and "Wild Wild West." [AP]

Enough fat people put their anger aside and wandered into the air conditioned splendor of Wall-E theatres to give the movie another $33.4 million. With that kind of scratch, his army of R.O.B.s should another battalion or 12. (List of top 10 after the jump).

-Christmas Ape 

1. "Hancock," $66 million.

2. "Wall-E," $33.4 million.

3. "Wanted," $20.6 million.

4. "Get Smart," $11.1 million.

5. "Kung Fu Panda," $7.5 million.

6. "The Incredible Hulk," $4.9 million.

7. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystall Skull,"$3.9 million.

8. "Kit Kittredge," $3.6 million.

9. "Sex and the City," $2.3 million.

10. "You Don’t Mess With the Zohan," $2 million.

In his latest “Diddy blog”, P. Diddy explains why he’s so excited for Hancock.  He says that, growing up, he always wondered why there were no black superheroes.  Then he goes on and on about how FINALLY, there’s a black superhero.  Aside from the fact that he’s not very funny or interesting or have anything to say remotely worth recording, the sound of him chewing his gum into the microphone makes me want to gouge his eyes out with a crab fork.

Oh, and hey, Dingleberry, where the hell were you when Pluto Nash came out?  How ‘bout Meteor Man?  Spawn?  Those were all black superheroes. Did you want to wait until there was a black superhero that had a problem with alcohol and sleeping with young girls?  Bah, I suppose reading too much into this is like wondering whether retards prefer a particular brand of paste.  Anyway, vote or die, bitches.