A possible adaptation of Halo, Microsoft’s $2 billion video game, has been discussed for a long time.  The closest it got to being made was with Peter Jackson mentoring future District 9 director Niell Blomkamp a few years ago, but there were too many people involved (Fox, Universal, Microsoft, Peter Jackson’s people) and it fell through.  If you’re interested in the long, complicated back story of the process, Vulture has a thorough feature on it up today.  But the gist of it is that Dreamworks wants to make a Halo movie, and their plan is to base it on the Halo novels.  So if you wrote a Halo novel, congratulations.  You may have just won the dork sweepstakes.

Despite Spielberg’s status as Hollywood’s top producer and his ability to attract the best original scripts, DreamWorks has been focusing on using novelizations of the video game — the literary equivalent of Purina PuppyChow. It seems strange for Hollywood’s most successful filmmaker to rely on such lowbrow source material, but it’s actually a shrewd way to dodge the knotty legal issues and bitter recriminations surrounding Halo’s development at Universal and Fox. [Vulture]

Yes, yes, very shrewd, Spielberg, making a film about a novel about a videogame.  That seems like a worthwhile pursuit.  Videogame movies are always good, right?  My only question, Mr. Smug Vulture Writer, is what the f*ck do you have against PuppyChow?  You’ve got a lot of nerve.

When word came down the other day that Steven Spielberg was producing a Halo movie, I for one was excited. Because when Steven Spielberg is producing something, you know it means he’s going to walk down to the set and scratch his balls for a few minutes while Lucas nukes the fridge or Michael Bay makes the robots hump.  Which is why it saddened me to learn that Microsoft, who owns Halo, says the project is on hold.  NOW where’s Spielberg supposed to scratch his balls and look bored?  Said a Microsoft spokesperson…

We’re glad there’s still a lot of enthusiasm in the entertainment industry surrounding the idea of a Halo movie. That said, the Halo feature film remains on hold as we focus on projects like Halo 3: ODST and Halo: Reach. [Kotaku]

So there you have it, gamers.  For the time being you’ll just have to slake your appetite for video games by, uh… playing… uh… video games?  Haha, that can’t be right, that would just be stupid.

Those five question marks are for the gamers out there who actually care about this stuff, and because the English language doesn’t have punctuation for a dismissive wank (YET).  Anyway, IESB is claiming a triple confirmed sexclusive that Steven Spielberg will be producing a Halo movie, a project last rumored to be stalled with Peter Jackson and Neil Blomkamp.

Spielberg is blown away by writer Stuart Beattie’s take on the game in his script entitled HALO THE FALL OF REACH. This coupled with the fact that his Dreamworks umbrella is looking for a big tent pole to help launch their newly independant studio with distribution over at Walt Disney Pictures after losing Transformers to Paramount in the separation, it’s the perfect combination.

HALO, the wildly popular video games, follow Master Chief, a cybernetically-enhanced human super-soldier, and his artificial intelligence companion, Cortana, as they aide future humanity in battling the Covenant, a theocratic alliance of alien races. [IESB]

“Blown away”, eh?  That’s a pretty strong statement.  But somehow I don’t trust the judgment of a guy who was okay with nuking a fridge, Shia Labeouf swinging through the jungle with an army of monkeys, and pretty much the entire plot of the last Transformers movie.  Not that I blame him.  Steven Spielberg’s style of producing is a lot like mine would be if I were him, the yeah-whatever-dude, I’m-taking-b-loads school of movie producing. Also, Halo?  More like GAYlo. AHAHA, SUCK IT, GAMERS!  (*makes ‘suck it’ x over crotch with hands while thrusting*)