Do you miss the kind of action star who wasn’t afraid to stare death in the face and tell a bawdy anecdote about its mother? Then you’re probably going to like this new trailer for Lock-Out (known as “MS One: Maximum Security” overseas), in which Guy Pearce plays a sort of cross between Lethal Weapon Mel Gibson and Big Trouble in Little China Kurt Russell, who has to infiltrate a space prison to save that annoying blonde chick from Lost, and… you know what? I’m just going to copy the synopsis here, because it’s awesome.

A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

Put the BUNNAY, back, in the space box…

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"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME HERE!"

After the jump, I’ve got the new trailer for Justice, starring Nic Cage, January Jones, and Guy Pearce, from Roger Donaldson, director of Dante’s Peak, Species, and (the underrated) Bank Job. In it, Nic Cage plays a regular, every day dude with a freakishly smooth and large forehead, until ONE day, (*RECORD SCRATCH*), someone assaults his wife, January Jones, probably because she said something bitchy like always. That’s when Guy Pearce shows up and he’s all like, “Yo, Cage-o, you want us to find this dude and beat his ass, or what? You just gotta do me a favor some time in the future.” And Nic Cage is like, “Sure, homes, that sounds pretty good or whatever.” But then, wouldn’t you know it, Nic gets MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR. Because… uh… Guy Pearce wants him… to be in their vigilante gang, or something? But Nic Cage doesn’t want to, for some reason? I dunno, it looks pretty weird. To be honest, I sort of shut down after I made that Photoshop.

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Aussie gangster movie Animal Kingdom just released a trailer and poster.  The Melbourne-set crime drama premiered at Sundance, where it won the Dramatic World Cinema Jury Prize.  Sundance is kind of like Kindergarten, where everybody gets a prize — “Congratulations, Billy!  You won first place in the boys who drink chocolate milk and play with blocks competition!” — but Animal Kingdom drew rave reviews from pretty much every drag queen I talked to.  The trailer looks fairly badass.  Though I was hoping for more animals. *kicks can*

Pope Cody (Ben Mendelsohn), an armed robber on the run from a gang of renegade detectives, is in hiding, surrounded by his roughneck friends and family. Soon, Pope’s nephew, Joshua “J” Cody (James Frecheville), arrives and moves in with his hitherto-estranged relatives. When tensions between the family and the police reach a bloody peak, “J” finds himself at the center of a cold-blooded revenge plot that turns the family upside down.” [ThePlaylist]

Guy Pearce plays a detective.  It’s funny to see Australian police carrying guns and catching criminals and stuff.  I always just imagined them as people who help you home when you’re drunk.  “Oi, Maahgrit, we found Bill sleapin in a ‘roo’s nist again.  Be a doll an make the c*nt some coffee, we’ve got a touch footy game this arvo.”

Sort of related: Dirty Deeds is a fun Australian gangster movie that no one talks about anymore.  And Two Hands, even though the dead guy was a totally pointless character.

I normally wouldn’t post eight minute clips of movies, but The Hurt Locker is still in limited release and I loved it, so I want to tell everyone about it, like the time I touched my first boob (thanks, mom).   As you’ll see in this clip, The Hurt Locker is a great movie for the same reason Public Enemies was a disappointment: details.  Hurt Locker has them, Public Enemies tries to skip them.  There’s nothing too complex about Hurt‘s plot and it doesn’t have some brilliant insight into the horrors of war or the human condition, but it takes you into the world of guys who defuse bombs for a living and makes you feel the tension right along with them.  And it’s not that phony, bullsh-t tension where they shake the camera around and keep cutting between a foot on the gas pedal and Vin Diesel grimacing. It comes from simple, fully fleshed-out scenes.  Every hack director and editor in Hollywood should watch The Hurt Locker with their notebooks out and their Axe bodyspray in the off position. Best non-bukkake-related movie I’ve seen all year.

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(“I want a sandwich this big.”)

Guillermo Del Toro is so busy collecting paychecks from ten different projects that I can hardly keep track.  According to IMDB, he currently has eight projects in development, seven that he produced currently in post production, plus writing and directing two Hobbit movies, not to mention that vampire book he co-wrote for some reason.  He’s so busy that now he’s handing off projects to his ‘proteges,’ like this remake of Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, which is good because I’m sure the public absolutely couldn’t wait for this gem.

Guy Pearce is in final negotiations and Bailee Madison is set to star with Katie Holmes in “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark,” Miramax’s supernatural thriller being directed by Guillermo del Toro protege Troy Nixey.  “Dark” is based on a 1973 ABC telefilm about a young girl who moves in with her father and his girlfriend and discovers they are sharing the house with demonic creatures.  Del Toro and Matthew Robbins wrote the script. [THR]

Yep, a TV movie about a haunted house.  Does anyone remember that or care besides Guillermo Del Toro?  It doesn’t matter, he liked it and now he gets to remake it.  Welcome to the era of cinematic karaoke.