I don’t have much of an opinion on Iron Man 3, other than I liked it. I guess I fall right in the middle of the spectrum if one end is Vince’s praise of the wonderful Shane Black and the other is Nathan’s takedown of the “terrible” film. I could have done without that entire Adam Pally scene and I thought the end was a little quick and convenient, but do I feel that my $12 was well spent? Sure, why not.

The movie isn’t without its flaws, as very few movies of such scale are perfect, and one questionable moment came early on when Aldrich Killian visited Pepper Potts to try (once again) to get Stark Industries on board with the Extremis project. Pepper glossed over her relationship with Aldrich, claiming that he had harassed her many times about going on a date, but there was no elaboration.

Well, it turns out that the very first draft of Iron Man 3 featured quite a bit of elaboration. As Black explained on the Empire Film Podcast, Aldrich and Pepper… Got. It. On. And they recorded it because that’s what people do now.

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This week, I was planning to lead with Guy Pearce’s new Iron Man 3 poster, where he’s dramatically pulling off his sunglasses like David Caruso in CSI Miami. I like to lead with a movie people have heard of so they’ll click through, and that seemed like the obvious choice. But then I saw White T here, and it simply could not be denied. Just look at this goddamned masterpiece. Do I know what it’s about? Not really. But I know it’s got Weensie from Old School and his similarly portly brother dressed in matching, sockless plaid shants ensembles fighting over a t-shirt with the tagline “Big Dreams…Big Seams.” What does this white t represent? Why would they be fighting over the same white t when they’re both already wearing identical white tees? Is it a battle over who gets a change of clothes? A metaphorical struggle for identity? I can’t say. Point being, this poster is practically bloated with ambiguity, which doesn’t soften my desire to see it one bit. This, my friend, is how you sell the sizzle, not the steak.

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“What… sequel… is it?”

The trailer for Iron Man 3 has hit the web, and this moment would probably be a lot more exciting if Iron Man 2 hadn’t sucked a mild to moderate amount of donkey dicks. Nonetheless, if you hate the “dark superhero” trend, getting the master of silly, schlocky pulp (in the best way possible) Shane Black to direct this one should give you hope. Well, some hope. I’d just as soon he be directing something not about a superhero who’s in love with Gwyneth Paltrow, but there you go. It hits May 2013, with Ben Special K Kingsley playing a villain named “The Mandarin” who’s so clever he’s not even Chinese. He gets his powers from special rings, because hey, it worked for Green Lantern. Which really makes me wish one of them would shriek “Oh no, not my jewelry!” at a climactic moment. Never happens though.

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"NO, NOT THE STUBBLE! IT MAKES ME LOOK RAKISH!"

Starring Shia LaBeouf and Tom Hardy as a couple bootlegging brothers, with supporting turns from Gary Oldman and Guy Pearce, Lawless comes from director John Hillcoat and screenwriter Nick Cave. Cave and Hillcoat last worked together on The Proposition, and their styles tends to be, shall we say, bleak. Lawless is based on Matt Bondurant’s novel The Wettest County in the World, which I actually tried to read last year because it sounded cool, but the prose was awkward and I quit about 40 pages in. That said, an über-violent film about backwoods, thirties bootleggers would have to be amazingly bad for me not to want to see it, so unless Tyler Perry shows up in a fat suit during this trailer I’m already sold.

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Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, which opens in June, is getting a promotional push from the TED conference, which is of course the nation’s premiere gathering of Ted Danson impersonators, enthusiasts, and Danson-related industries (“Curve the Beer” is this year’s theme). The TED website recently posted this video of Peter Weyland, Guy Pearce’s character in Prometheus, giving a talk at the 2023 TED Talks. That’s the future! Though it’s nice to see rich guys slicking their hair back like Pat Riley won’t change in the next 11 years.

Peter Weyland is reportedly a character played by Guy Pearce in Ridley Scott’s highly anticipated film, “Prometheus,” an entrepreneur and the head of the Weyland Corporation who owns the Prometheus spaceship (and part of the Weyland-Yutani conglomerate that sent the Nostromo spaceship in “Alien”).

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