By now, we’re all familiar with the ubiquitous “Florida Man” stories. But for today’s Florida Friday, we bring you news of Florida Man’s lesser-known feminine (sorta) counterpart, Florida Woman. Faster than meth high, dumber than a flying cinder block, she fights sanity in an invisible trailer and lassos decorum with a python she won in a bug-eating contest. Florida Woman this week took the form of 18-year-old Aalaya Walker. Walker was in St. Petersburg visiting her friend JJ, and at some point, they both got hungry, so she decided to warm up the oven to make some waffles. That’s when she found out JJ keeps his bullets in the oven, because one exploded and shot her. So I guess technically, this is all Florida Man’s fault after all.

A few moments after Walker, 18, preheated the oven in the apartment, at 218 24th St. N., there was an explosion. Walker was peppered with shell casing fragments though technically not shot.

I like that they use “peppered.” Because in Florida, shell-casing fragments are the spice of life.

Her friend, Jarvarski Sandy, 25, told police he had left his Glock 21 .45-caliber handgun in the oven drawer but had put the magazine, with four rounds in it, in the oven itself, the police report says.

The magazine exploded about 9 p.m. ET, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released.

“She took a bus to the hospital.”

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Todd Phillips has just about reached that “I can do whatever the f*ck I want” stage in his career [which, strangely, seems to involve banging lazy-eyed herp factory Paris Hilton -Vince], what with even his sequels raking in more than half a billion dollars, and now it looks like he’s found his next project in a Rolling Stone article. Phillips has optioned the rights to a Guy Lawson  article (“The Stoner Arms Dealers”), about two potheads who somehow became weapons traffickers, thanks the government’s love of dishing out big bucks to small contractors.

Who knew it was that easy?

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Ignoring common sense and better judgment, they're making a fourth Jurassic Park movie.  And as BloodyDisgusting reports:

We're told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes.

Yup, dinosaurs with guns.  Based on a pitch entitled "Dude, it'll be like Transformers, but with dinosaurs!" by some jackass, Jurassic Park IV will chronicle the U.S. government's battle to win the hearts and minds of the dinosaurs, many of whom, poor and disenfranchised, have been convinced by demagogues that they'll receive 72 dinosaurs never touched by the flesh of other dinosaurs in the afterlife in exchange for martyring themselves.

Ripped from the headlines.  How contemporary.