When I first watched this “Masturbating Gunman” clip from 2000′s Masked Avenger Versus Ultra-Villain in the Lair of the Naked Bikini (dude, come on, now you’re just putting random words together), I didn’t think it needed much introduction.  Man getting penis severed by garden shears, bikini girl rubbing breasts, guy gets his pistol stolen by a lasso made of human entrails — yadda yadda yadda it’s like a perfect window into my subconscious.  But then FilmDrunkard Josh dug for some additional info and it turns out it gets even better:

“I had to know more, so I found this IMDB synopsis: ‘A gunman gets on the trail of kidnapped women he gets hired to locate by sniffing the crotches of their soiled underwear. The plot involves the gunman’s search for a nun, his sister.  In one bravura sequence, the trapped gunman, inspired by his sister’s panties, kills his enemies by firing large loads of his own acidic semen at them. Similar structurally to RAPEMAN in that the gunman and his hunchbacked servant operate out of a legitimate office and offer their ‘find-a-girl’ services as if they were offering carpet cleaning.”

Wait, did you say similar to RAPEMAN?   Why yes, Virginia, there is a Rapeman.  …I know you’ll never believe this, but… (*whispers*) …he’s Japanese.

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This is the trailer for William S. Burroughs: A Man Within (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID LOL), a documentary about you guessed it, Einstein P. Smartbrain, William S. Burroughs. It features appearances by David Cronenberg, Peter Weller (who’ll surely have important things to say about Burroughs’ contribution to the literary canon because he played Robocop), Iggy Pop, Gus Van Sant, Jello Biafra, and everyone’s favorite, Genesis P-Orridge. (I don’t even know, dude, just keep walking and try to avoid eye contact). Anyway, it’s a good thing William Burroughs shot his wife and was into guns and gay sex and gay sex with guns, because otherwise all they’d have to talk about is that f-ing unreadable heroin ramble of a book he wrote.

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Joe Son, a former UFC fighter back in the days when UFC didn’t have all sorts of gay rules about not punching other guys in the nuts, who also played Random Task in Austin Powers, has been arrested for rape.  And not just your run-of-the-mill, feel-her-up-when-she’s-passed-out kinda rape, either.  He’s currently awaiting trial on $1 million bail.

Son pleaded guilty back in May to felony vandalism. The plea required him to fork over a DNA sample. Investigators ran his sample and found Son’s DNA connected him to an unsolved gang rape back in 1990, where a woman was pistol-whipped, raped, threatened with death and eventually blindfolded and released naked.
Son has been charged with five felony counts of rape, two felony counts of forcible sodomy, two felony counts of sodomy in concert by force, seven felony counts of forcible oral copulation, and one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force. Son faces a maximum sentence of 275 years to life if convicted. [TMZ]

Son, along with a second suspect [Mike Myers, clearly.  -Ed.], is accused of dragging the victim into the back of a car, pistol whipping her, threatening her life at gun point while he counted the bullets in his gun, and raping, sodomizing, and forcing her to orally copulate him repeatedly, according to a release from the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. Son is also accused of sexually penetrating the victim with his firearm before she was released naked with her pants tied around her eyes. [Sherdog]

Oh behave. In his defense, the victim was wearing a really slutty outfit that night.

[via CagePotato. Also: must-see highlight video after the jump.]
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