UPDATE: CagePotato has a better photo, adding that Graham was 146 pounds, about 90 less than Son in his fighting days.

Now that we’re all in great moods after that Muppets trailer shot sunshine up our cornholes, I thought now would be a great time to tell you about that child molester Joe Son killed. Joe Son of course being the Austin Powers actor who was recently sentenced to life for his part in the torture and gang rape of an Orange County woman in 1990. Son recently murdered his cell mate (allegedly), and the victim’s identity was released today. Haha! Dick joke!

The victim has been identified as 50-year-old Thomas Graham (pictured above) — who had once been convicted for committing lewd and lascivious acts on a child under the age of 14.
At the time he was killed, Graham was serving a two year sentence in Wasco State Prison for failing to properly register as a sex offender.
As TMZ previously reported, cops believe Graham’s cellmate Joe Son — who played shoe-throwing villain Random Task in the original “Austin Powers” movie — killed Graham in their cell on October 10.
Son is currently in solitary confinement  while prison officials investigate. [TMZ]

It’s always funny to me to hear someone say “lewd and lascivious acts.” As if you’d be like, oh, you mean they were lewd AND lascivious? Well if it was just lascivious, I could see, but lewd AND lascivious, that’s out of line. Anyway, this news kind of makes me feel like JK Simmons at the end of Burn After Reading.

So… he killed ‘em then.

Yup.

And he’s already in prison for life?

Yup. …What should we do, sir?

…Well I guess we don’t have to do anything, do we?

I suppose not, sir.

…What did we learn, Palmer?

I don’t know, sir.

I don’t f*ckin’ know either.

So I guess that’s one child molester the other child molesters won’t have to worry about anymore. To me, the most surprising part of this news is that five-foot-four Joe Son was able to kill someone. Up until now, his fighting style seemed to consist mainly of lying on his back and getting punched a lot.

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You may have already seen this story on Huffington Post or TMZ because they reported it before any facts were in, but it actually originated from a tip to mixmartialarts.com’s underground forum. It seems Joe Son, convicted gun rapist and former Austin Powers actor, may have killed his cell mate. This just in, Joe Son: not a great dude.

Here’s the original tip, the basic facts of which have since been confirmed in a Wasco State Prison press release:

Ex UFC fighter, Joe Son has murdered his cellmate. While serving a life sentence for gang rape, Joe Son has been attacked several times by other inmates who do not tolerate rapists in prison. It has not yet been determined why he killed his cellmate or how.

No troll. Fact: celly found dead. Joe and dead guy only ones in cell together. Guard doing count, sees celly is unresponsive, medical arrives. CPR performed. Celly has trauma to chest area. Pronounced dead. Innocent until proven guilty but looks like he did it. These are the only facts that I have right now. Investigation still in progress since it just happened on Monday around 5:00 pm.”

The press release adds a few additional facts:

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I figure as long as we’re already talking about happy things, like the Gordon Ramsay porn dwarf getting eaten by badgers, I might as well bring you a Joe Son update. The five-foot-four, 230-pound Random Task actor and old-school UFC crotch punching bag was originally arrested back in 2008 when a DNA sample he was forced to give after pleading guilty to felony vandalism pinged him on a rape case from 1990. He was convicted of torture a little more than a week ago, and has since been sentenced to life in state prison. And now, it seems, the rape shoe is on the other dick foot. Ooh, maybe he and our boy Ed Shin can form a Korean prison gang together.

Here are the terrible details:

An actor was sentenced today to life in state prison with the possibility of parole for the 1990 Christmas Eve gang rape of a woman who was out walking her dog. Joseph Hyungmin Son, 40, was found guilty by a jury Aug. 25, 2011, of one felony count of torture. Son was charged Oct. 1, 2008, with numerous felony counts of sexual offenses, but the People determined that these charges could not be pursued at trial because the statute of limitations had run.

On Dec. 24, 1990, at about 12:30 a.m., Jane Doe was walking back to her apartment alone with her dog after going to look at Christmas lights with a relative and friend. As she was walking with her purse and her dog in hand, Son distracted Jane Doe by asking for directions and pretending he was lost. Son and Gaitan forcibly dragged Jane Doe to their car, threw her in the back, and drove away. Jane Doe’s purse was later retrieved at the scene, but her dog was never found.

While driving to Huntington Beach, Son and Gaitan told her they were driving to Compton, pistol whipped her, and threatened to kill her repeatedly. Son repeatedly raped, sodomized, and forced Jane Doe to orally copulate him in the back of the car. He also penetrated her vagina with a firearm. Gaitan raped Jane Doe and forced her to orally copulate him. Son threatened to kill the victim and counted the bullets in the gun out loud, as Jane Doe pleaded for her life.

Son and Gaitan finally allowed Jane Doe to leave, naked and with her pants tied around her eyes. Jane Doe went to a nearby home and the homeowners called the police. Jane Doe suffered great physical injuries as a result of the sexual assault.

At the sentencing today, the victim gave an impact statement to the court, “The post traumatic stress disorder is with me daily as I have triggers that set me off. I feel debilitating fear come over me and am convinced a hand is coming from behind again. My emotional scars are intense. My twenties were stripped from my life as I relearned how to walk, see, hear and cope with the outside world again. Joseph Son not only cost me my job at my salon but also my college savings… not to mention the impact it’s made on celebrating Christmas year after year. [OrangeCountyDa]

Great guy. Anyway, sorry for sucking the air out of the room like that, but in any case, it’s nice to see that the universe is finally treating Joe Son the way Keith Hackney did back at UFC 4. If only it could also stop the fourth Austin Powers movie from happening, we’d be all set.

Joe Son, a man best known for his role as Random Task in the first Austin Powers and a brief career as a fighter that saw him go 0-4 as an MMA fighter and 0-1 as a kickboxer (though he did famously get punched in the dick a lot and showed up to one fight in a thong and white eyeliner), was convicted today for his part in a 1990 gang rape in Orange County. 

Joseph Hyungmin Son was found guilty of one felony count of torture Thursday. A statute of limitations had expired on other counts. Prosecutors say Son and an accomplice pulled the victim into a car on Christmas Eve in 1990 and drove her toward Huntington Beach as they beat her with a gun and raped her.
The investigation had gone cold until Son was required to provide a DNA sample in 2008 in connection with a vandalism sentence.
He faces a maximum sentence of 15 years to life in state prison. [SFGate via CagePotato]

I posted a slightly more detailed account of the crime back when he was first arrested:

Son, along with a second suspect, is accused of dragging the victim into the back of a car, pistol whipping her, threatening her life at gun point while he counted the bullets in his gun, and raping, sodomizing, and forcing her to orally copulate him repeatedly, according to a release from the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. Son is also accused of sexually penetrating the victim with his firearm before she was released naked with her pants tied around her eyes.

Aw, he sounds like a real neat guy. And speaking of forced oral copulation at gun point, Mike Myers is writing Austin Powers 4.

Dr. Evil's wardrobe designed by David Carradine

If you’re a fan of Mike Myers movies, you may remember Joe Son as the guy who played Random Task in the first Austin Powers.  If you’re an MMA fan, you may remember him as the guy who was repeatedly dong punched by Keith Hackney, the notorious dong puncher, back at UFC 4 in ’94, before dong punching was outlawed.  But for one unlucky lady, the 5 foot 4, 240-pound Son is the guy who kidnapped her one night and tried to pistol-whip her uterus.  (Note: In retrospect, this story might be disturbing and not funny at all):

On Dec. 24, 1990, at about 12:30 a.m., Jane Doe was walking back to her apartment with her dog after going to look at Christmas lights with a relative and friend.  As she was walking, with her purse and her dog in hand, Son is accused of distracting Jane Doe by asking for directions and pretending he was lost.  Son and another suspect are accused of forcibly dragging Jane Doe to their car, throwing her in the back, and driving away.  Jane Doe’s purse was later retrieved at the scene, but her dog was never found again.

I know this makes me a terrible person, but I’d be lying if I told you my first thought upon reading this brutal rape story wasn’t, “Aw, I wonder what happened to the doggie!”

While driving to Huntington Beach, the defendant and the unknown suspect are accused of telling her they are driving to Compton, pistol whipping her, and threatening to kill her repeatedly.  The defendant is accused of repeatedly raping, sodomizing, and forcing Jane Doe to orally copulate him in the back of the car.  The unidentified suspect is also accused of raping Jane Doe and forcing her to orally copulate him.  The defendant is accused of penetrating her vagina with a firearm.  The defendant is accused of threatening to kill the victim and counting the bullets in the gun, as Jane Doe pleaded for her life.

I wonder where he went to finishing school.  It’s weird that it doesn’t say.

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