We’ve all marveled at MGM’s utter inability to get their sh*t together vis a vis The Hobbit (and by “all” I mean you, me, and three other nerds).  Just last week we heard they hadn’t even greenlit the project.  Now comes word that MGM’s delays have cost them their director, Guillermo Del Toro (Mexican Peter Jackson).  Del Toro will continue to co-write the screenplay while they look for a new director.  Del Toro and producer Peter Jackson broke the news themselves on the film’s official site, but the gist of it is that Del Toro hates New Zealand, and couldn’t suffer those harelipped, sheep-kissing bumpkins for another second, not that anyone blames him.

“In light of ongoing delays in the setting of a start date for filming “The Hobbit,” I am faced with the hardest decision of my life”, says Guillermo. “After nearly two years of living, breathing and designing a world as rich as Tolkien’s Middle Earth, I must, with great regret, take leave from helming these wonderful pictures.”

“We feel very sad to see Guillermo leave the Hobbit, but he has kept us fully in the loop and we understand how the protracted development time on these two films, due to reasons beyond anyone’s control – has compromised his commitment to other long term projects”, says Executive Producer Peter Jackson. “The bottom line is that Guillermo just didn’t feel he could commit six years to living in New Zealand, exclusively making these films, when his original commitment was for three years.”

“New Line and Warner Bros will sit down with us this week, to ensure a smooth and uneventful transition, as we secure a new director for the Hobbit. We do not anticipate any delay or disruption to ongoing pre-production work”.

I look at living in New Zealand the same way I look at teaching special ed, or being a nurse for old people.  Lots of respect to the people who can do it, but no thanks.  Plus, Guillermo Del Toro is Mexican.  That has to be rough down there. I went to a Taco Bell in Sydney once and when I ordered a taco, and it came with mayonnaise.  MAYONNAISE. ON A TACO. And that was in Australia.  I can only imagine their oafish, lazy-eyed cousins in New Zealand trying to make one.  They’d probably put tree bark on it.

Exactly one month ago, Vince reported on the news that Guillermo del Toro’s The Hobbit had to push its release date back as a result of MGM sh–ting the bed. Then yesterday, MarketSaw broke the “exclusive” news that The Hobbit had finally been greenlit, was slated to begin shooting in November and would also be shot in 3D. But then in homeroom class, some people started saying that MarketSaw was a lying tramp who dresses like a slut. Luckily, to end the dispute, last night AintItCool called up Guillermo del Toro on the kitchen phone and asked him about the rumors.

Q: The story that was reported earlier today that THE HOBBIT has been greenlit and will be shot in 3D, that is false?

Del Toro: On both counts, there are no final answers. It is not greenlit. That is categorical. And 3D has been discussed literally once in the room. The budget and the schedule and everything that we are handling – the cost of the film, the number of days it would take to shoot – is being handled right now without looking towards 3D. Is there a chance it will become 3D in the future? Maybe. Right now, it’s not being planned as such.

So, I guess what this all boils down to is that today’s Hobbit news is the exact same Hobbit news from a month ago. Now I’m not exactly sure how this whole deja vu thing works, but I imagine that if experienced while watching Tony Scott’s film Deja Vu you probably fold in half and your body sucks into your own ass until you implode -or nothing happens and you just sit there asking yourself, “How high am I? Am I really watching Tony Scott’s Deja Vu?”.

I’m not a big fan of Lord of the Rings myself, because if I wanted to see two gay midgets fall in love, I’d just watch Gary Sinise’s Big Gay Midget Gangbang Part 12 again.  But since lots of you are, here’s what’s going on with The Hobbit.  Back in August, director Guillermo Del Toro was pretty adamant that they weren’t planning anything in 3D.  But in his latest post to the same message board, he seems to be softening a little, and not just because he’s fat:

I wouldn’t read much on it just yet, but now, after all this time, after AVATAR doing the Box Office it did, we have had enquires from above about The Hobbit being in 3-D.
No impositions or heavy leaning. Just enquires. Just fulfilling my promise to let you all know if discussions ever started.
Cheers
GDT

Hard to say how “enquires” is different from “discussions,” at this stage.  But with the same VFX company working on The Hobbit (Weta Digital) as worked on Avatar, I guarantee you the studio execs in charge smell the possibility of charging $5 extra for tickets the way Guillermo Del Toro smells burritos.  However, Del Toro is kind of a big deal, so if he doesn’t want it in 3D, he might have the power to keep it that way.  More importantly, don’t you think he looks a lot like this bulldog wearing glasses?

It sounds unlikely to me, but LatinoReview is claiming that Tobey Maguire is in early talks to play Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit.  Of course, even if it’s true, it’s not that bold of a claim since “early talks” generally doesn’t mean all that much.  Boy, this is a fun story, huh?

I recently got a tip that during promoting the film BROTHERS at the Four Seasons in New York last month, Tobey Maguire was having a conversation and was asked which director he would like to work with next? [sic]
Tobey’s answer? “Gullermo Del Toro”
Know what else Tobey said?
“We may have something here in the near future.”
Really?
Could Peter Parker be playing Bilbo Baggins?

STOP GIVING ME THE THIRD DEGREE!
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(“I want a sandwich this big.”)

Guillermo Del Toro is so busy collecting paychecks from ten different projects that I can hardly keep track.  According to IMDB, he currently has eight projects in development, seven that he produced currently in post production, plus writing and directing two Hobbit movies, not to mention that vampire book he co-wrote for some reason.  He’s so busy that now he’s handing off projects to his ‘proteges,’ like this remake of Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, which is good because I’m sure the public absolutely couldn’t wait for this gem.

Guy Pearce is in final negotiations and Bailee Madison is set to star with Katie Holmes in “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark,” Miramax’s supernatural thriller being directed by Guillermo del Toro protege Troy Nixey.  “Dark” is based on a 1973 ABC telefilm about a young girl who moves in with her father and his girlfriend and discovers they are sharing the house with demonic creatures.  Del Toro and Matthew Robbins wrote the script. [THR]

Yep, a TV movie about a haunted house.  Does anyone remember that or care besides Guillermo Del Toro?  It doesn’t matter, he liked it and now he gets to remake it.  Welcome to the era of cinematic karaoke.