The film that began as Nova Scotian Jason Eisener’s entry into a make-your-own Grindhouse trailer competition back in 2007 was expanded into a feature last year, and is set to hit theaters this spring.  Movies based on silly trailers have a bit of a dubious track record, which I think we were all willing to cautiously overlook on account of this one being called “Hobo with a Shotgun.”  It’s up there with Hot Tub Time Machine and Snakes on a Plane on my list of Names That Make Ya Go LOLWUT?  But does the finished product live up to its potential?  COME WITH ME TO FIND OUT, ON A MAGICAL JOURNEY THROUGH WORDS AND TEXT!

Ouch, you guys, my soul hurts.  I guess that’s just what happens when you watch a naked whore writhe in fresh corpse blood, a guy try to saw off a hooker’s head with a hacksaw, a man gingerly fondle his shotgun-blasted balls, and a pack of hyenas cut off a wildebeest’s penis and then make him eat it piece by piece while they rape his wife.  I’m not sure that last one was even in the movie, or if I just imagined it because my mind is now so warped.  I know the violence in Hobo with a Shotgun wasn’t meant to be taken seriously, but at times it wasn’t so much clever or gleeful, just brutal, and borderline disturbing.  But shouldn’t depictions of violence be disturbing, you might be asking, especially if you’re some kind of overeducated, close-reading psychobabbler?  I suppose it should, if you’re trying to make a comment on violence, but in a comical faux-exploitation film it doesn’t quite play.  If the sex and violence and swearing in these Grindhousey movies feels so good because it’s so wrong, like a dead-baby joke, or your sister’s tittie, it’s still easier to enjoy when it doesn’t make you feel like a sadist.  The gore was a little excessive in Hobo with a Shotgun.  Not enough to make or break the movie for me, but I dread the inevitable Pollyannical, conflatulent screed from Armond White, on the topic of this generation’s despicable delectation for endless decapitation.  He won’t be right, but the ammo’s there.

[Warning, next sentence unintentionally humorous when viewed without context]
Where Hobo with a Shotgun really won me over was in the quiet moments.

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Here’s the poster for the latest Grindhouse trailer-cum-feature film, Hobo with a Shotgun.  I found Machete a bit of a letdown after the awesome intro sequence, because it didn’t seem quite sure how self-aware it wanted it to be.  Like, was the idea that if someone had made this movie in earnest, how funny that would be, even though they hadn’t?  It didn’t quite track.  But with Hobo With A Shotgun, I think I’m lubed up and ready to love again, and it’s because of awesome posters like this.  Hobos, shotguns; I mean, it pretty much has everything.

I hope to be seeing this next week at Sundance (it already has a distributor), but since they saw fit to deny me press credentials even though I do a segment for IFC on indie movies (including this movie in particular) and write the most important comedic movie blog in the universe, who knows.   I’m just gonna show up, and when they ask for my press badge, I plan to say, “Oh, it’s right here,” and then point to my crotch.  It’s never worked before, but I figure it’s worth another shot.  If I can time a fart to coincide, so much the better. Haha, journalism.

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Kate Hudson on the set of Bride Wars

This is the trailer for Roid Rage, “a horror/comedy short film from award winning director/cinematographer Ryan Lightbourn.”  It’s not about steroids, and given the banner pic, I think you can guess what it is about.  Obnoxious announcer aside, this is one of the funnier Grindhouse-y trailers I’ve seen, and it actually made me laugh out loud in the first five seconds.  Some of my favorite lines:

“Another dead hooker.  Face torn to sh*t just like the rest of ‘em.”

“Jesus Christ.  I haven’t seen anything like this since Chernobyl.”

- “Hey, Big Daddy.  Would you like to get your assh*le eaten out?”
- “You have no idea.”

That line about the hooker with the torn up face was the very first one, by the way.  Like, before the video even started.  If this were an MGM film, the lion would still be on the screen.

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"DROP THE SOY CHAI, MOTHERF**KER!!"

As far as movies based on fake Grindhouse trailers go, I thought Machete was a mild letdown. Not a my-son-grew-up-to-become-a-snotty-movie-blogger level disappointment or anything, just not quite as good as I’d hoped. Nonetheless, after seeing the early footage from Hobo with a Shotgun, I think I’m lubed up and ready to love again. It was the casual decapitations that did it. (Trailer attached, below the cut)

The project, which began as an entry into a make-your-own-Grindhouse-trailer from Nova Scotian Jason Eisener, began shooting in April in Halifax, and now it’s set to premiere at the Sundance Film Festival in January, where hopefully studio execs will have a chance to see it in between coke parties, smelling their own farts, and circle-fellatio, and maybe even give it a release.  (Don’t look at me like that, bro, I know how Sundance works).  Synopsis:

A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.

Pedophile santas, isn’t that a little redundant?   And of course it’s toplined by everyone’s sandpaper-voiced burlap face, Rutger Hauer.  Which frankly, sounds like a better name for a shotgun than a hobo.

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Since most of Hollywood’s ideas seem more like fake movies within real movies lately anyway, it figures that they’d make full-length movies out of the fake Grindhouse trailers.  Besides Robert Rodriguez’s Machete, starring Danny Pinche Trejo opening in September, now Rutger Hauer is set to star in Hobo with a Shotgun, stealing the part from the obvious choice, Rip Torn.  Hobo (above) was the creation of Nova Scotia’s Jason Eisener (cre-eh-tion?), who entered the short in a create-your-own-Grindhouse trailer competition and won, proving finally that Nova Scotians are capable of doing something besides smelling like moose leather.

I have a hard time fitting their rambling style into a block quote, but the gist is that AICN discovered Hobo would be shooting today in Halifax, and confirmed the news with the director (who, incidentally, also made the buzzed-about short Treevenge).  No word on the kind of budget, or whether we can expect to ever see it in theaters as of yet.  Sadly, having Rutger Hauer on board is no longer a guarantee of a theatrical release, and the last movie he was in that I can remember opening is Batman Begins, though he’s been in 20+ films since then, mostly stuff like Minotaur and The Magic Flute Diaries.  Heh.

My fear is that if this is released, it will only perpetuate the negative media bias against guys who dress up like Santa Claus and masturbate to school kids with binoculars.  Have we not suffered enough?