I’m seeing The Green Lantern tonight and I am P-U-M-P-E-D.  Dude, when he says that oath about, like, being good, and protecting the earth from aliens and stuff?  Goosebump city.  It’s nice to see The Onion News Network giving it the serious coverage it deserves.

“Warner Brothers say the movie will remain faithful to the comic books, adapting a classic plotline in which the Green Lantern encounters a conflict and overcomes it using his lantern powers.”

“It really is a story that unites all of us. Young man, living his life, when suddenly… boom. He’s the Green Lantern, and he’s forced to deal with something.”

“Buzz is building about the films stars, such as Blake Lively, whose name seems to be floating to the top of lists of peoples’ names you hear.”

RELEVANT

[via TheOnion, pic via Veidt (NSFWish)]

Got Milk’s latest print ad shows Ryan Reynolds in skin-tight spandex with a post-money shot milk mustache, just as he often appears in my prison fantasies GRRR, FOOTBALL! It blows my mind every time I take the time to think about it that “Got Milk” has proven itself one of the most enduring advertising slogans of all time, and that’s to say nothing of the fact that we have Michael Bay to thank for it all.

Meanwhile, The Green Lantern also released a new trailer, which you can watch below. This one does a more thorough job explaining the Green Lantern mythology to the people who’ve never read the comic books, i.e. 99.9% of the population.  It revolves around having your entire existence validated by a ring, so girls should love it (the ones who go to Kate Hudson movies, anyway). The spot also has plenty of new footage from the film, and boy, is there any shot in this movie that isn’t at least 60% CGI?  Not that this would ever happen, but say for the sake of argument that Green Lantern won an Oscar, I think the director and producers should have to sit there and clap while 15 Koreans chugging Red Bull collect the trophy.  It’s only fair.

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Things have obviously been a little crazy around here this week, what with all of the Gloria Allreds of the Interwebs putting a bounty on Vince’s testicles. That’s why I thought a great way to turn the page and start fresh would be to offer up a little peace treaty to all you intelligent, classy broads out there. In fact, even as our beloved Chodin has been away on assignment on Fire Island, he still found time to whisper in my ear from behind that we should give the ladies some eye candy to show that FilmDrunk isn’t a sexist haven for the web’s derelicts.

With that said, there’s no better way to say, “I respect females” than by giving them a gallery of the upcoming summer’s hottest movie bulges. An action hero isn’t an action hero if he doesn’t have a divine codpiece or some sort of crotchal decoration that screams, “This crotch belongs to a mother f*cking star!” And this summer is full of decorated crotches, so we hope that you ladies – and movie codpiece enthusiast men – enjoy this little trivia challenge that we’ve put together for you.

See if you can score 100 and become a Divine FilmDrunk Crotch Hound…

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Thor opens this weekend, but today Green Lantern dropped a new trailer, almost as if to say, “WE SEE YOUR SKARSGÅRD AND RAISE YOU SARSGAARD.” It opens June 17th, and I know I’ve been sh*t talking this project from the beginning, but as more of the FX works gets done, it’s gradually starting to seem less bland.  Basically, an alien comes down from space and gives Ryan Reynolds a promise ring.  Ryan Reynolds pledges allegiance to a lantern and then gets sucked into space where a big alien with a black guy’s voice beats him up.  Then he comes back to Earth to make out with Blake Lively and it’s awesome because they’re the most ridiculously good-looking couple of all time.  Somewhere along the line, Stellan Sarsgaard gets into Mr. Burns’s nerve tonic and it turns him into Joss Whedon, and Ryan Reynolds has to use his powers to keep him from making more adaptations of Buffy.  Something like that.

DC just released three new images of Ryan Reynolds in his Green Lantern costume (or, more accurately, two-thirds of Ryan Reynolds’ face grafted onto some Green Lantern CGI).  Lantern opens June 17th (latest trailer after the jump), starring such-a-sweet-boy Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaaaaåaååøøård, Mark Strong, and Tim Robbins, with direction by Martin Campbell. 

The suit looks… uh… good?  I guess?  I like all the people involved in this, and I’m trying not to be unnecessarily dismissive, but if I’m being honest, I can think of at least 10 things I give more of a sh-t about than this movie, and nine of them involve possible lunch food. OOH HELP US, RYAN REYNOLDS, SAVE THE UNIVERSE WITH YOUR GREEN JIZZ-FOG RING!

[OliverWillis via LatinoReview]

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