Pictured: They don't know how she does it.

And now for your daily dose of easy Schadenfreude, the top 15 flops of 2011. While it’s easy and fun to tap dance on the grave of most of these ass piles (pour a little rum out for The Rum Diary – *I* liked it), remember: justice won’t truly be served until everyone involved in the making of New Year’s Eve gets shot out of a cannon.

1. Mars Needs Moms
Studio: Disney
Release Date: March 11, 2011
Budget: $150 million
Worldwide Gross: $39 million

2. Sucker Punch
Studio: Warner Bros.
Stars: Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens
Release Date: March 25, 2011
Budget: $82 million
Worldwide gross: $89.8 million

3. Arthur
Studio: Warner Bros.
Stars: Russell Brand, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Garner
Release Date: April 8, 2011
Budget: $40 million-plus
Worldwide Gross: $45.7 million

4. Green Lantern
Studio: Warner Bros.
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively
Release Date: June 17, 2011
Budget: $200 million
Worldwide Gross: $219.9 million

5. Cowboys & Aliens
Studio: DreamWorks/Universal
Stars: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford
Release Date: July 29, 2011
Budget: $163 million
Worldwide Gross: $178.8

6. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie
Studio: Fox
Stars: Lea Michele, Chris Colfer, Darren Criss
Release Date: Aug. 12
Budget: $9 million
Worldwide Gross: $18.7 millon

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While Bill Simmons might try to blame it on Ryan Reynolds not being a “real movie star,” Green Lantern was the closest thing you’ll ever see to a failure of concept, where nothing anyone did could overcome the lameness of the central conflict, a battle between two abstract concepts (“will” and “fear”) as represented by two abstract entities (green jizz fog for will, yellow jizz fog for fear). But Hollywood execs are pretty smart, so I’m sure this will be something they’ll correct in the sequel (don’t say they shouldn’t make a sequel, we both know that’s too much to hope for), right? Oh what’s that? Their plan is to make it “darker and edgier?” Oh.. Well, uh… that works too, I guess.

Despite the big-budget superhero movie’s disappointing box office performance so far, Warner Bros. executives still want to find a way to make a sequel work. Bringing superheroes from its DC Comics unit to the big screen is a top priority for the studio, and executives believe that the problem with “Green Lantern” was in execution, not concept. They even have ideas on how to turn things around next time.

“We had a decent opening so we learned there is an audience,” said Warner Bros. film group President Jeff Robinov, pointing to the film’s box office debut of $53 million. “To go forward we need to make it a little edgier and darker with more emphasis on action…. And we have to find a way to balance the time the movie spends in space versus on Earth.” |LATimes|

That’ll fix it! Ten bucks says that means that Ryan Reynolds will be wearing sunglasses and riding a motorcycle in the next trailer.

Hollywood's idea of "edgy."

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This week, Bret was gone and we had to rush into production because of Brendan’s work schedule, but we made up for it by bringing on Lindy West to discuss her various cyber beefs as well as Green Lantern, Super 8, Cedar Rapids, Quentin Tarantino, and of course more poop transplant stories. ENJOY! Email us at Frotcast@Gmail.com, Subscribe on iTunes, and download this week’s episode here (right-click, “save as.”)  Episode notes and time stamps:

• 2 minutes: Topic: A-hole signs in yards. Really? Do people really think a dickhead sign like “Don’t even THINK of parking here!!!” is more effective than “no parking?”
• 13 minutes: A great local news report on the subject of (*drum roll*) fecal transplants.
• 23 minutes: We welcome Lindy back to the ‘cast, and discuss why Thomas Lennon of Reno! 911 and her are no longer friendsies.
• 29 minutes: Lindy makes a fan on Facebook. Sadly, his wife is not a fan, and doesn’t approve of “slutty girls” friending married men on Facebook.
• 37 minutes: Lindy and I discuss Green Lantern.
• 40 minutes: I ask Lindy about Super 8. (Yay! So much movie talk this episode!)
• 44 minutes: Ben saw Cedar Rapids, we talk about how great it was. (It’s out on DVD now!)
• 51 minutes: Discussing Quentin Tarantino foot-sucker gate.
• 1 hour, 5 minutes: Brendan made it on Lindy’s edition of the Funbag for Deadspin. I read an excerpt about guys with lame commenter names, and it turns out said commenter is very upset at being made fun of.
• 1 hour, 8: We discover the perfect joke to kill Brendan, in that it involves farts, a poop transplant, and talking into a banana phone.

Bonus link: Here’s that guy ‘drunkexpatwriter‘ who got his panties all in a bunch because some other guy (totally deservedly) made fun of his username. I love how completely delusional everyone in this thread is. “Ha, you got them, bro, Gawker Media will rue the day.”

Bonus related video: Here’s that Fecal Transplant news story we were enjoying.
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Much like Fox made a second Fantastic Four movie with the same cast and director, Warner is doubling down on fog jizz, this despite the first one’s 66% second-weekend drop and the fact that it probably won’t make any money once you factor in marketing costs.  But hey, you can’t put a price on artistic integrity fartnoise donkey sound.

Sources say Warners still believes in the franchise, even if the studio is “somewhat disappointed” with Green Lantern’s result.
Warner Bros. president of domestic distribution Dan Fellman said the movie is settling in, pointing out that fanboy pics often see a significant drop-off in their second weekends.
Still, Green Lantern fell off more than recent superhero pics Thor and X-Men: First Class. Thor dropped 47% in its second weekend, while First Class dropped 56%.
Similar films that have seen the same sort of dip that Green Lantern did include Hulk, which dropped nearly 70% in its second outing.
Green Lantern cost $200 million to produce before a sizeable marketing spend (rival studios say it was one of the most expensive on record). Warners, preparing for the end of Harry Potter, needs new franchises, so was willing to invest big in Green Lantern. [THR]

This franchise has bigger problems than even Fantastic Four.  It was basically about “the power of will” vs. “the power of fear”, as represented by green and yellow space cum, respectively. Two abstract ideas as represented by two abstract entities.  I’m not trying to get all grad school fiction workshop on you, so let’s put it in simpler terms: if a kid puts on a Green Lantern mask and shouts “I’m Green Lantern!” how does he even illustrate that? If he says “I’m Superman!” he can put on a cape and underwear on the outside of his pants and jump off the couch, or “I’m Thor!” he could hit stuff with a hammer, or “I’m Spider-Man!” he could put on a U2 album and hurt himself.  With Green Lantern, what’s he supposed to do? Do sit-ups and make a pass at his mom? Deciding what his actual powers might be seems like a good first step in pre-production.  Trying to figure out what makes Green Lantern an interesting superhero is like trying to figure out what makes Franklin & Bash successful lawyers.

Frotcast Fantasy Summer Box Office standings:

Vince’s Picks:

1. Harry Potter
2. X-Men: First Class ($55.1 million opening)
3. Green Lantern ($53 million)
4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
BOMB PICK: The Change Up

Ben’s (The Ear Rapist) Picks:

1. Cars 2 ($68 million*)
2. Super 8 ($35.45 million)
3. The Zookeeper
4. Friends with Benefits
BOMB PICK: The Smurfs

Brendan’s (Human Giant) Picks:

1. Transformers 3
2. Captain America
3. Bad Teacher ($31 million)
4. Mr. Popper’s Penguins ($18.2 million)
BOMB PICK: Green Lantern ($200 million production budget minus $53 million gross = -$147 million)

Bret’s (Grumpiest Man Alive) Picks:

1. Cowboys and Aliens
2. Smurfs
3. Spy Kids 4
4. Horrible Bosses
BOMB PICK: Transformers 3

Leader in the clubhouse: Brendan’s three and four picks were kind of duds (for the purposes of this game, anyway), but his bomb pick came up huge and he still has Transformers 3 and Captain America opening.  What an assh*le. (I had to pick fourth, by the way). Much as we laughed at Bret’s bomb pick, with a $195 million budget, Transformers 3 is all but guaranteed a budget minus opening of $90 million plus. I probably should’ve math’d this better.  Regular box office stuff after the jump. (And again, thanks to the guys at MastersofNone for inventing this game so that we could steal it).

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