Too subtle?

It was barely a month ago that I brought you the news that Stan Lee had plans for a 3D animated film, TV series, and comic book starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, called “The Governator” (you can watch the awful trailer here if you hate yourself). The idea was about as stupid as a sitcom starring Karl Malone as an actual mailman (do NOT let any producers read that), so it’s with a certain amount of satisfaction that I can now report that the project has since been shelved.  In light of Arnold’s propensity to cum everywhere like that speech in Pumping Iron we used to think was a metaphor, that is.

“In light of recent events, A Squared Entertainment, POW, Stan Lee Comics and Archie Comics have halted production,” A Squared said in a statement.

According to a confidential outline for the show obtained by The Times, “The Governator” cast Schwarzenegger as a superhero who “leads a double life” that includes being “a devoted family man” who “has to remember his anniversary, his kids’ birthdays” in subplots that are “milked for comedy, tension and conflict.” [LATimes]

God forbid the double life include a secret Mexican family, that might actually make it interesting. I guess they figured not even a cyborg from the future could remember than many birthdays.  On the plus side, my pitch about a buddy comedy starring Antonio Cromartie and a sassy robot who helps him remember all of his kids might be just light-hearted enough. MEEP MORP. ANGELICA, SHE IS THREE, BLEEP BORP (*dog covers its eyes, laugh track*).

[picture via Catmas]

In a stroke of inspiration that can only be described as a juggernaut of blinding, beautiful brilliance from Heaven, Stan Lee has teamed up with Arnold Schwarzenegger for an animated TV series called “The Governator,” the trailer for which you can watch below if you feel like wasting three minutes of your life.  In addition to the TV series, comic book, and internet programming, Schwarzenegger recently told a Cannes press conference that plans are in the works for a 3D feature film coming in 2013.

Clearly, there’s enough material here for all that and more.  I’m thinking Governator breakfast cereals, Governator jeans, Rock Band: Governator, Governator tea cozies, Governator f*ckable ipads — the possibilities are literally endless.  I think the genius of this project is the way they took an already painfully-obvious nickname and added tedious backstory.  My God, it’s a revelation.  It’s a revolution.  It’s a revelevolution.  The Governator should be awarded the first-ever Nobel Peace Prize in Miracles.  Arnold Schwarzenegger plays The Governator, an actual governor/terminator. Can you imagine?  This would be like if you wrote a sitcom for Karl Malone, and in it he played an actual mailman.

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As a wise man named Tupac once said, “California knows how to party.”  That’s why we keep electing actors to the highest state office!  Heck, I stayed an extra year of college just so I could have Arnold Schwarzenegger’s signature on my diploma.  Anyway, the governator recently took to Twitter to make a video.  I don’t really know what the hell it’s about, but the best part is that it begins with him admiring an enormous knife.  And the knife doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the video, he just holds it up at the beginning as if to say, “Oh, we’re making a video now?  My bad, I was just admiring my comically large knife.  As I do.”

More than anything it reminds me of the intro to Commando (after the jump) where Arnold’s just hanging out in the forest, carrying entire trees on his shoulder.  “Oh, I’m supposed to kill bad guys now?  My bad, I was just feeding a baby deer with my daughter, Alyssa Milano.”  What the hell kind of knife is that, anyway?  No way it’s a Bowie or an Army knife, it’s bigger than my forearm.  “Grrr, you can tell I’m qualified to govern because I carry a pocket knife as big as a broad sword!”  I think George W. once pulled this same stunt with a foam cowboy hat.

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