Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have been hired to host this year’s Golden Globes telecast January 13th. It’s a great choice, because for all the condescending “OMG, womyn can b funny 2!” praise Bridesmaids got, I always thought Baby Mama was better. But then what do I know? I’m just a dude who chose this banner picture because it made Amy Poehler’s boobs look hella swoll. #Yolo

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Dick Clark Productions and NBC announced Monday that the pair of “30 Rock” and “Parks and Recreation” stars have signed on to host the 70th annual Golden Globes ceremony after British comedian Ricky Gervais’ three-year reign as the show’s acerbic emcee.

“The unparalleled comedic timing of Tina and Amy will surely have viewers wanting to tune-in to see them in action,” said Takla-O’Reilly, president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which honors film and TV at the Beverly Hills Hilton ceremony. “The HFPA is thrilled to have the magnetic duo be a part of the show’s 70th anniversary!” [HuffPo]

Takla O’Reilly was always my favorite Who song. The HFPA, of course, is an insular collection of foreigners who work for fake magazines and love Johnny Depp movies (Foreigners Love Johnny Depp), who give awards in exchange for bribes. But they gained a modicum of legitimacy in the past few years by hiring Ricky Gervais to come down and insult everyone. I wouldn’t mind seeing that again, but hiring the best Weekend Update team since Norm MacDonald is a pretty great idea too. Maybe they could even get Seth Meyers to come down and stand just off stage handing orange slices to everyone when they get tired like at soccer practice.

That’s right, I’m trying to start a beef with Seth Meyers. If you see him, tell him I said he was a nerd. EAT IT, MEYERS!

[Picture source = IBTimes]

The Golden Globes happened last night, and thank God there was a dog in a bow tie there, or else it would’ve been a total loss. To recap briefly, Ricky Gervais was the main reason to watch, and save for a few moderately funny Kardashian jokes, he was thoroughly unmemorable (you can watch his monologue below. It was… okay). The highlight of the night was probably seeing George Clooney talk about Michael Fassbender’s huge penis, because it means George Clooney is as obsessed with the Fasspenis as I am. The other highlight was Seth Rogen taking the stage with Kate Beckinsale and saying, “I’m Seth Rogen, and I’m trying to disguise my enormous erection.”

Basically, it was a great night for boners. The lowlight probably went to Madonna, who won best song (???) and took the stage pretending to be Abe Simpson on Vh-1 Storytellers (“The story of how I wrote this song isn’t so much interesting as it is long…”). Though Michelle Pfeiffer introducing War Horse as an incredible film “about a miraculous horse” was also quite bad. Though it did encapsulate perfectly why I could never like that movie. I don’t trust anyone who could write or say the phrase “miraculous horse” without feeling like an asshole. War Horse and the Iron Lady aren’t films that should win awards, they’re satire that prove how terrible awards shows are.

Full list of winners plus my live-tweet of the event on the next page.

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