(INVIZIBL SUB SANDWICH)

Many critics are already calling New Moon the giant wolfyest of the Twilight franchise, but director Chris Weitz (who, incidentally, is John Huston’s grandson) recently told MovieMaker Magazine that his next project will be his last.  Surprisingly, it wasn’t the banshee wail of irrational teenage girls that drove him to retirement.

As Weitz explains, his frustration with the industry has boiled over, mostly because of the studio interference that occurred during post-production on Golden Compass. “I wanted that to be my masterpiece,” admits Weitz. “Unfortunately, the edit was taken from me and whatever chance I had at that was also taken from me, which is kind of sad.”

“You know, it sounds ridiculous, but I’d really like to be a better surfer,” laughs the director. “I’d like to learn to speak Spanish fluently; I’d like to travel around, live in Italy; I’d like to learn kung fu… It’s nice to make movies, but it’s also really hard.” [via FilmSchoolRejects]

What?  You’re on top of the world and now you want to quit?  That doesn’t sound like the Chris Weitz I know.  Wait a second… Surfing… kung fu… I think I see what’s going on here.

(*tears mask off Chris Weitz’s face!*):

Read the rest of this entry »

This weekend’s box office* is proof somebody F-d up.  Golden Compass, a movie that cost $180 million to make and looks like a Lord of the Rings knockoff (also a colossal bore, btw), was a disappointment, coming in at number one but earning just $26.1 million.

The struggling unit of Time Warner Inc had hoped the film would pull in between $30 million and $40 million during its first three days. [Reuters] 

If you’ll remember, this is the picture based on the anti-organized-religion book that pissed off hardcore fans by cutting the anti-religious parts and got banned by The Catholic League anyway.  In the words of comedian Dave Wiswell at communion, “Body of Christ, huh? Hope I don’t get any dick meat.” 

Meanwhile, Juno, the Michael Cera/Jason Bateman comedy directed by Jason Reitman and written by Diablo Cody that I’ve been hearing about for months, opened on just seven screens but averaged $60,016 per, one of the best on record. 

Indie comedies: 1, big budget turds: 0.  Besides, everyone knows polar bears are lovers, not fighters.    

^{*"Box Office" is also the nickname I use for my bedroom} 

When Hollywood took on Golden Compass, it decided to turn Phillip Pullman’s overtly anti-religious novel Northern Lights into a delightful tale of futuristic polar bears doing battle, so as not to piss off religious types. Which includes Catholic star Nicole Kidman, who says she should would not want to be involved with an anti-religious movie.

Funny thing though – the Catholic League is calling for boycotts anyway, and fans of the book are pissed about the de-ballsified version of the story they love.  A perfect compromise, score one for cautious movie execs! 

Calling Pullman "a noted English atheist," the group [The Catholic League] said on its Web site: "It is his objective to bash Christianity and promote atheism. To kids.  Though the movie promises to be fairly non-controversial, it may very well act as an inducement to buy Pullman’s trilogy, ‘His Dark Materials’."

In the fantasy world created by Pullman, the Church and its governing body the Magisterium, are linked to cruel experiments on children aimed at discovering the nature of sin and attempts to suppress facts that would undermine the Church’s legitimacy and power. [Reuters]

I can only hope the Catholic League pushes this hard for a boycott of McG’s Terminator movie, some of the strongest evidence yet that there is no God.  On a lighter note, did you hear about the agnostic Klansman?  He burned question marks on peoples’ lawns.  Wakka wakka wakka! 

Higher Resolution Here

The trailer for Golden Compass is online now, and it looks a lot like the Narnia movies or Harry Potter.  If it had come out earlier, I’d probably be excited to hear a phrase like "ice bears".   

As it is, I’m sick and tired of these kids getting their heads filled with escapism, by movies with talking animals, and Nicole Kidman. It’s no wonder they wear stupid clothes and grow up thinking life’s just one big rave party.  Hotel Rwanda, Last King of Scotland, Schindler’s List – now those are the kind of movies you bring the kiddies to.  

I dunno, at least the Rock’s not in this one.