PETA thought Paul Blart Zookeeper sucked too

07.08.11 Written by Vince Mancini

Simply by virtue of having “Zookeeper” in the title, you know your film is going to get picketed by PETA (which I would argue is a great reason for PETA to reevalute their strategy). But PETA says Paul Blart Zookeeper is no laughing matter, and not for the same reasons everyone else does. They’re angry because KEVIN JAMES KILLED A GIRAFFE! Here’s their explanation (completely unbiased, I’m sure) of why they picketed Wednesday’s premiere:

Just a month after PETA wrote to the cast and producers of The Zookeeper [PAUL BLART ZOOKEEPER] to warn them that the company supplying animals for the movie’s production has a long list of USDA citations, we have heartbreaking news to report. Tweet, a giraffe on the set who had also been forced to perform in Ace Ventura and a slew of Toys “R” Us commercials, has died.
Tweet collapsed in his pen while being fed on [September 15th, 2009]. While giraffes in the wild can live into their mid 20s, Tweet was only 18 years old.
The results of Tweet’s necropsy haven’t been released yet, but according to a whistleblower who contacted PETA, Tweet’s premature death may have resulted from his eating pieces of the blue tarp that covered his enclosure. The whistleblower alleges that Tweet’s owner and trainers were notified that the giraffe had been eating the tarp but that they did nothing about it. [PETA]

Shouldn’t it be the giraffe’s choice whether he (OR SHE) wants to eat blue tarp? Slow your roll PETA, you fascists. And anyway, yes, giraffes in the wild may live to 25, but let’s not forget, Tweet was a giraffe child actor. Consuming harmful substances and dying prematurely is just par for course.  18 years is 72% of its expected life span. Lights Camera Jackson should be so lucky.

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GIRAFFES!

11.12.08 Written by Vince Mancini

I’ve been waiting for this to show up online for a while now.  It’s Giraffes!, the sequel to Sloths!, my favorite SNL digital short of all time (which I’ve also included after the jump).  It doesn’t quite live up to the original, but then, what does? 

On an unrelated note, I wonder if Kristen Wiig likes to snuggle.  I bet she does. I bet she’s really nice to animals, too. Read the rest of this entry »

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