Sorry, I just love this photoshop.

For what it was, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance was much better than the original film, which basically played like a parody of a parody. But it was still pretty awful and definitely didn’t need to be made, except that Nic Cage desperately needed the money to finish building his pyramid tomb. It also didn’t need extra stunt men who had nothing to do with the actual film recording additional stunts for the DVD/Blu-Ray release, but Sony still wanted to dress the Rider up and pray that it could develop a cult following.

Unfortunately, during the filming of those bonus DVD stunts, a stuntman named Michael Gaboff was badly injured when his particular jump went very, very wrong, and now he’s suing Sony for “negligence, peculiar risk, ultrahazardous, breach of contract”, among others. Hmmm, ten bucks says Cage stars in a movie called Ultrahazardous by 2014.

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This is the only scene from Sherlock Holmes 2 that Tyler Perry understood

As every moment brings us closer to death, every Tuesday brings us more new old movies to watch at home. This week we’ve got two unnecessary sequels with unnecessary subtitles.  There’s also a not-in-drag Tyler Perry, David Cross, Peter Dinklage as a dwarf hooker, some generic monsters, a horror musical, the latest from The Asylum, and once again, Danny Trejo.

The DVDs:
Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows
Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance
Good Deeds
Thin Ice
Demoted
A Little Bit Of Heaven
In Darkness
Kill Speed
Almost Kings
Ranchero
You’ll Know My Name
All Alone
Don’t Go In The Woods
Monster Brawl
Alien Origin
Rift

Instead of fixating on the fleeting nature of life, mosey on over to the next page to learn more about each of these important films. If your time among the living is short, click here for some movies you can stream from Netflix right now. Read the rest of this entry »

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CARBON EMISSIONS!!!

Opening Everywhere or Somewhere: Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, The Secret World of Arietty, This Means War, Bullhead

FilmDrunk Suggests: Vince really liked Bullhead, in case you haven’t read his review, so if it’s available near you, go check that out and tell people that you saw it because you read Vince’s review. Otherwise, I really liked Safe House, because it was a lot of fun watching Ryan Reynolds get his ass kicked. It was like Van Wilder: The Rise of Bourne.

Also, if you’re hanging out in the San Fran area, make sure you swing on by Vince’s screening of The FP. Check out event details here on the ol’ Facebook, and tell them Burnsy sent ya. They’ll ask, “Who?” but they know. Those kidders, they know.

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Suddenly, Cage had the distraction he needed to steal the Mona Lisa.

In news so creepy you should actually expect it to involve Nicolas Cage, the star of the upcoming films Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and The Frozen Ground visited Paris, France over the weekend as he was honored by the Musée Grévin with his very own wax statue. The tribute to Cage is dressed rather modestly in a blue button down and jeans, which is surprising because when a guy owns random dinosaur skulls, names his kid Kal-El and plans to be buried in a giant pyramid tomb, you’d think they might at least give his statue a sweet bolo tie.

While we love Cage and think it’s great to see him honored, I can’t help but think that maybe his wax statue is a bit… unflattering. In fact, it looks a little like Christopher Walken. I’m just saying the point of a tribute like this should be to honor the man at his peak of fame, and not his peak of Botox billing. Taylor Lautner’s also getting a wax statue from Musée Grévin soon. Will they make his look like a creepy great uncle? It’s only fair.

Meanwhile, in super awesome (and typical) Cage news, the actor wants to make a sequel to his classic Wicker Man. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “How the hell can he star in a sequel to Wicker Man, and will his co-star be his wax statue?” The answers are simple – he’ll play a ghost and probably.

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Here’s the new poster for Battleship (GRRR, SLOW-MOTION ‘SPLOSIONS!), and… Jesus, is that… a floating Decepticon that shoots lens flares? …Sounds about right, actually. Eat your heart out, JJ Abrams.

By the way, I read the script for this piece, and the fact that someone thought it was a good idea to spend $200 million making it is MIND-BLOWING. It would be a miracle if it was anything approaching “good,” and yet the subtext of someone okaying that kind of expenditure on… this… could make it sort of morbidly fascinating. This could be the Winchester Mystery House of movies.

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