Tucked into a Variety article about Steve Carell signing a first look deal with Warner Bros is the news that WB is developing a sequel to Get Smart.  Now, I’m one of the millions of people who loves Steve Carell, but I defy you to find anyone who greets the news of a Get Smart sequel with more than a shrug.  A sequel to a f-ing remake.  Get Smart went off the air 38 years ago.  Why do we take 21st century talent and stick them with regurgitated baby boomer crap from the sixties?  This idea sucks and so do jam bands.

The highly publicized battle between Get Smart and The Love Guru, this weekend’s only two major releases, failed to materialize.  Get Smart took the top spot with $39.2 million, while the Love Guru was all the way down at number four, with $14 million.  Apparently the average schmoe hated it as much as the critics.

But don’t get too excited, because Get Smart was almost as bad, but because it made so much money, everyone involved will be bending over backwards to pat themselves on the back, or doing some other kind of metaphorical thing that would make sense.  Industry analysts are also making logic jumps that can only be described as Shyamalan-esque.

Critics picked apart the [Get Smart] for emphasizing action over the crisp verbal comedy of the TV show, but Warner Bros. figures that was a wise commercial move. While 60 percent of the audience was 25 or older, that still meant a sizable younger crowd that was more keen on the movie’s action, said Dan Fellman, the studio’s head of distribution. [AP]

Yeah, either that or people saw it because it was the only thing out besides Love Guru.  But that’s the beauty of numbers, they allow even people with no common sense to draw conclusions.  How egalitarian. (Not to be confused with eaglitarians, which is what I am).

Get Smart, $39.2 million
Kung Fu Panda, $21.7 million
The Incredible Hulk, $21.6 million
The Love Guru, $14 million
The Happening, $10 million
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, $8.4 million
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, $7.2 million
Sex and the City, $6.5 million
Iron Man, $4 million  
The Strangers, $1.9 million

Opening this weekend are The Love Guru and Get Smart, both of which fill me with apathy.  (Less so in the case of Get Smart, thanks to the lovely Anne Hathaway, but still). 

Anyway, I’m not going to waste your time doing a real weekend preview.  Instead, I thought I’d give you a picture of a lioness licking a giant popsicle made of cow’s blood.  Here’s the description from Yahoo News:

Naba, a four-year-old female African lion, keeps cool as she licks a ‘bloodsicle’ made of frozen cow blood, Monday, June 9, 2008, at the National Zoo in Washington, as temperatures rose toward the triple digits along the East Coast.

If you don’t think that’s cooler than any of the movies coming out this weekend, well then you can just go drink a big dingleberry smoothie.

I was about to point out how lame most of the jokes are in this new Get Smart trailer, but then Anne Hathaway kicked a guy in the face and I had to pour hot coffee on my boner (for the added thrill).   Call me ladies – I’m a wild stallion, but somebody’s gotta ride me.

…It was decaf. 

[Source - they also have a higher res trailer]

This is the newest trailer for the Get Smart remake opening in June.  With Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway (pictured), and Alan Arkin, I thought they did a pretty good job casting it, but from what I’ve seen so far, most of the gags fall flat.

Perhaps the lesson to be learned here is, don’t remake TV shows from like 100 years ago – some of the concepts may have gone stale.  Hey, I got an idea, let’s remake Workers Leaving Factory.  Eat your heart out, Lumiere brothers!

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