According to LatinoReview, Georges St. Pierre, the UFC’s face guy sweet-boy dreamboat welterweight champion, who rules his division with a charming accent and boring decisions, has been cast as a villain in Captain America: Winter Soldier.  Meanwhile, word out of the Nick Diaz camp is that GSP only got the part because he was illegally greasing at the audition, and something seemed funny about his knuckle wraps. (*puts on “STOCKTON” hoodie, spray paints “209 FA LYFE DON’T BE SCARED HOMIE” on the side of abandoned check cashing store*)

GSP will play one of the villains, Batroc the Leaper!!!
Here is a bit of info on the character.
Batroc has no superhuman abilities, but is in peak physical condition in every respect. He is an Olympic-level weightlifter and has extraordinary agility and reflexes. His leg muscles are particularly well-developed which enables him to leap great distances with the strength of an Olympic athlete. He is an expert hand-to-hand combatant and specializes in savate (French-style kickboxing). He is also a skilled military tactician, having formerly been in the French Foreign Legion.
Batroc is an experienced thief and smuggler, who also speaks French and English. Although, as a mercenary, he does not hesitate to perform any number of criminal acts for his clients, Batroc has, by his own rights, a strong sense of honor, and he will turn against any client whom he feels has unfairly deceived him into committing crimes to which he might not otherwise have agreed. [LatinoReview]

Well that sounds like GSP. You know, except for the villain part. But I do like that one of Captain America’s nemeses is a French-Canadian. Who’s his boss, Gerard Depardieu? In fact, all of Captain America’s enemies should be offensive racial stereotypes. Maybe get Mickey Rooney back in his Breakfast at Tiffany’s make up, hire a drunk Russian like that one guy from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out – have it be like the It’s a Small World After All of malevolent, semi-racist caricatures. If Seth MacFarlane and Harmony Korine have proved anything, it’s that if you go half way, you’re an asshole. If you take it three steps further, you’re a genius.

And now, we go to Nick Diaz for comment:

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What’s this? Oh, just Jean-Claude Van Damme helping Georges St. Pierre stretch out his groin muscles. What? Don’t look at me like that, that’s just what bros do, we help each other. What else do bros do? Well, according to Jean-Claude Van Damme, bros make epic video tributes to their bros, like the one you see below, editing together clips from their movies with clips from their bros’ MMA training. At least, that’s what JCVD did for his bro GSP. The groin stretching clips are set to epic opera choir music and overlaid with motivational quotes, by the way, as you do. Van Damme apparently produced this video and released it on the internet… just because.  In the dedication at the end of the video, Van Damme says:

“Hi Georges. The memories of our friendship, of a great country and a great city, Montreal, and a great team of people surrounding us, made of love, sports, health, and like I said … friendship.”

And then he punctuates the sentence fragment with a high kick, and shot freeze frames, goes to black and white, and fades out like an eighties TV show. This… this is real. Stunning.

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We were all a little worried about Monsieur Jean Claude Van Damme a couple years back when we thought he’d had a heart attack (apparently he hadn’t – just chest pain), but in case you needed further proof that he’s still healthy enough to do Van Damme stuff, here’s video of him throwing high kicks at the pads with UFC welterweight champ George St. Pierre at Firas Zahabi’s Tristar Gym in Montreal. JCVD proves he can still hit the high pads, and from the looks of it, can still do the splits like he used to do all the time for no reason. (“Oh no, an unexpected lava flow! Hopefully I can escape it on these two oddly-placed chairs!”)

Seeing this, I’ll take Van Damme over Seagal in any fight where the prize isn’t food. I guess Van Damme was there promoting Expendables 2, which opens August 17th, or maybe he was just getting in a good work out (the video came from GSP’s twitter account, so we’re not exactly sure). But either way, I like to imagine that he and St. Pierre celebrated afterwards by going out for frog and berets and shopping for tight, striped shirts and kissing strange women on the hand and painting white stripes on the backs of cats or whatever else two French speakers do when they’re out raising hell. Fun fact: Belgians eat their frog with waffles! (French Canadians eat them with gravy and maple syrup).

Also in Van Damme news, he says he wants to play a trainer in a Bloodsport remake.