Columbia Pictures has released a new trailer for The Smurfs, a live action version of one of the most annoying cartoons of my childhood. Originally, the Smurfs existed in medieval times, they lived in little mushroom houses, were three apples high yet not visible to anyone except a few people, and they spent their days foiling Gargamel’s quest to eat them all. In this new version, they somehow end up in modern New York City, harassing Neil Patrick Harris and his beard while they try to foil Gargamel’s quest to eat them.

As you can see in the trailer after the jump, Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) and Smurfette (Katy Perry) are joined by Brainy (Fred Armisen), Clumsy (Anton Yelchin), Jokey (Paul Rubens) and Grouchy (sigh… George Lopez). Hey, at least they gave Lopez a normal role and didn’t make him Construction Vendor Smurf. Also, the movie is directed by Raja Gosnell, who previously directed Beverly Hills Chihuahua among other atrocities. Wow, I would rather eat my own Smurf than watch this movie.

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The tourism board of New Zealand has issued a formal apology to Yogi Bear and House Bunny star Anna Faris after she told talk show host George Lopez that while she was in the country filming Yogi Bear, two separate groups of older men yelled profanities at her. The precise phrases yelled at her were, “F*ck you, a**hole!” and “Show me your tits, you stupid bitch!” To be fair, I’d yell at her, too, because I’ve watched Yogi Bear.

The interview took place on Lopez’s terrible show on December 14, but the apology comes now because the tourism board had initially blown her off, adding insult to verbal injury. A spokesman for the tourism board denounced her credibility because Faris was also awarded a “Stony” by High Times magazine, but he backed off yesterday.

“The inference that Tourism NZ did not take Ms. Faris’ comments seriously is very much regretted and was certainly not intended,” Tourism New Zealand said.

“On a U.S. talk show Ms. Faris spoke about disrespectful behavior she experienced during her stay in New Zealand and as a consequence her impression of New Zealand men is, to say the least, poor.”

The agency said it would offer Faris some “great Kiwi hospitality” to make up for its comments and the vulgar behavior she experienced. (Via Associated Press)

Big whoop, some guys wanted to see her cans. Take a look at her film list on IMDB – I think we deserve a little skin at this point. Also, I’ve included the interview after the jump for any sado-masochists here, but I think we can finally sum Lopez up with one quote: “I saw Yogi Bear and I loved it.” Now I will await my formal apology from the tourism board of New Zealand for making me watch a George Lopez segment.

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I didn’t post Heidi Montag’s ‘Transformers 3 audition‘ from the other day, because it was kind of boring and the last thing that dough-faced idiot needs is to believe she’s interesting in any way.  We could also discuss the kind of mind it would take to believe shooting a paper target from six feet away is an effective movie audition, but I have neither the time nor the tack hammers.

ANYWAY, here’s Sir Ben Kingsley parodying the aforementioned video for a George Lopez show promo.  I wanted it to be funny, but it’s actually kind of sad.  When Special K shows up, you assume it’s pretty much a slam dunk.  I’d watch Ben Kingsley wash my car (bonus points if he’s wearing a turban and a diaper).  Remember when he re-enacted that Minor Threat video?  That was fantastic.  This, on the other hand, looks like it involved about five seconds of pre-production.

“So… Ben Kingsley is British.  Can we do anything with that?  What do we know about the British?”

“Uh… they’re limp wristed and drink tea?”

“Perfect. Run with that, we’re burning daylight here.”

[via /Film]

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Do you really want “Speidi” to disappear?

Oh man.  I feel like I’ve died and gone to AWESOME RADICAL DOG MOVIE HEAVEN!  (*air guitar*) That’s because Yahoo just released a full trailer for Marmaduke, starring that guy from The Fall, Owen Wilson as Marmaduke, George Lopez as Carlos the Cat, Fergie as some bitch, and playing himself, Academy Award nominee William H. Macy (*cocks dog head to the side quizzically*) .  Talking animals?  Check.  Popular songs?  You know it.  Elaborate animal dance numbers in CGI?  Duh. A great Dane surfing??  CHECK AND MATE, MOTHERF*CKER!

WHY IS THIS NOT IN 3D?  I DEMAND TO HAVE MY OPTICAL NERVE F*CKED DOGGYSTYLE BY SURFING DOGS IN SUNGLASSES!   Sorry.  Sorry.  I’ll calm down.  Dog movies just get me really fired up is all.  When I die, I want “Ron Perlman as Chupadogra” on my tombstone.

Five years from now, William H. Macy is going to be really tired of answering, “I’ve always wanted to know… did you do your own stunts in Marmaduke?”

(Oh sure, and the fast mouse is the racist.)

Noted Mexican George Lopez is set to voice Speedy Gonzalez in an upcoming movie for New Line. The company was careful to note that this won’t be the “racist”, Looney Tunes version of Speedy that you’re used to, in which Mexicans are unfairly depicted as lightning-fast cartoon rodents.  From Reuters:

The character has often courted criticism that the ethnic characterizations of him and his compatriots (especially lazy cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez) are stereotypically racist and severely outdated.
Aware of this, New Line and the producers plan to update the brand with a modernized sensibility.
“We wanted to make sure that it was not the Speedy of the 1950s — the racist Speedy,” said the comedian’s wife Ann Lopez, who will serve alongside him as a producer. “Speedy’s going to be a misunderstood boy who comes from a family that works in a very meticulous setting, and he’s a little too fast for what they do. He makes a mess of that. So he has to go out in the world to find what he’s good at.”

Mira, Speedy, ju need to eslow down.  Ju selleen los oranges muy, muy queeckly.  Ju makeen jour cousens look bad.  Ay yay yay, we’re so esleepy.

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