George Clooney is set to direct and star in The Ides of March, a malt liquor political drama based on the Beau Willimon play, Farragut North. Clooney will star as Governor Morris, a candidate in the Democratic presidential primaries. The role is loosely based on Howard Dean’s historic run for the Democratic nomination, and I’ll follow historic with *plays Hail to the Chief in fart noises* BEEYAH!

Clooney is joined by FilmDrunk Hollywood Cougar Hall-of-Fame Lifetime Achievement recipient Marisa Tomei, as well as sex muffin Evan Rachel Wood and great personalities Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti, to round out the all-star cast. But most importantly, playing Stephen Myers, the governor’s press spokesman, is our favorite gentleman, Ryan Gosling. Myers explores the dark side of politics to help his candidate earn the party’s nomination. Hey girl, remember to vote on this Election Day – Baby Goose is running for Lovernor.  Remember to vote yes on Proposition 69, Bloginity:

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Forbes just released their list of Hollywood’s top 10 money-earning actors from June 2009 through June 2010, and while I don’t find these stats particularly interesting, I know our monkey brains leave us incapable of not clicking on top 10 lists and I ain’t allergic to cash money so here we are.  The figures reportedly include front-end paychecks, back-end deals (the kind your mom likes), and endorsements, such as Al Pacino’s gravitastic coffee ad, or Channing Tatum’s signature line of imitation-gold wigger chains (“Holla back, cousin, ya boy C-Tates’ chizzies look money, belee dat.”). Probably the biggest disappointment is not seeing John C. Reilly’s name on the list.  I’d let that man perform my open-heart surgery.

Johnny Depp, $75 million

Ben Stiller, $53 million

Tom Hanks, $45 million

Adam Sandler, $40 million

Leonardo DiCaprio, $28 million

Daniel Radcliffe, $25 million

Robert Downey Jr., $22 million

Tom Cruise, $22 million

Brad Pitt, $20 million

George Clooney, $19 million

Adam Sandler farts thousand-dollar bills (“Literally!” -Pete Hammond) so it’s a little surprising to see him below Ben Stiller on the list.  Forbes reports that Stiller’s figure includes a producer credit on Dreamworks’ Megamind as well as a hefty up-front fee for Little Fockers. And he deserves every penny of that. That thing looks Brian-Pumper-putting-farts-in-your-monkey-fufu level embarrassing.  But all in all, save for maybe Daniel “The Awkwardest Wizard” Radcliffe, it seems like a pretty meritorious list, as far as people earning more than small countries for standing around looking pretty goes.  At least there aren’t any Twilight people on it. Meanwhile, upon hearing the news that the highest-paid actor earned a paltry $75 million, James Cameron bought a solid gold helmet for his Komodo dragon and made his midget jesters trade pants.

According to the latest story, internationally famous brunette sex symbol Angelina Jolie will soon be starring as internationally famous blonde sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.  Dogs and cats!  Living together!  Record scratch slide whistle!  George Clooney will supposedly play Frank Sinatra, and the story will be told from the perspective of Monroe’s dog, a gift from Sinatra.  All this according to the book’s author, Andrew O’Hagan (ie, it’s highly probable that none of this is happening, but is a great way to promote your book).

The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog, and of His Friend Marilyn Monroe follows Monroe’s last two years through the eyes of her pet, Maf, a Maltese terrier which was a gift from Sinatra in 1960. [Telegraph]

In November 1960, Frank Sinatra gave Marilyn Monroe a dog. His name was Mafia Honey, or Maf for short. He had an instinct for celebrity. For politics. For psychoanalysis. For literature. For interior decoration. For Liver Treat with a side order of National Biscuits.
Born in the household of Vanessa Bell, brought to the United States by Natalie Wood’s mother, given as a Christmas present to Marilyn the winter after she separated from Arthur Miller, Maf offers a keen insight into the world of Hollywood’s greatest star. Not to mention a hilarious peek into the brain of an opinionated, well-read, politically scrappy, complex canine hero. [book description via Amazon]

So basically, Forrest Gump as narrated by Brian from Family Guy.  Meh.  I’d rather Clooney play an anthropomorphic dog with a big black snout in a suit and tie.  Possibly even a gay dog, like when he did the voice for the gay dog in South Park.  Now there’s your movie, you clowns.

Remember Chris Klein’s Mamma Mia audition from yesterday?  Well this is Sam Rockwell’s screen test for Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and it’s pretty much the opposite of that — charming, funny, and oozing with talent.  Rockwell does all his own stunts, including the splits and some fancy little soft shoe routines.  Maybe it’s not that hard, but I was impressed.  Don’t let these shapely legs and leotard fool you, I’m actually not a dance expert. Anyway, check it out. It’s basically three minutes of Sam Rockwell being charming as sh*t (and director George Clooney pops his head in at the end).  I heart Sam Rockwell so hard.  He’s like a homeless Paul Rudd.

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There are some new trailers going around, and I don’t want to make separate posts for all of them.  Deal with it.

I Spit on Your Grave
This remake of the 1978 b-movie of the same name will probably be really good, as it comes from the director of Mongolian Death Worm and Sasquatch Mountain (yes, both of those are actual movies, and the second one reminds me of the porno your mom did, Sasquatch Mountin’).  Anyway, this will be great if you like watching a chick get brutally beaten and raped and left for dead, only to come back and cut a guy’s wiener off with pruning shears.  Sounds delightful.

The American (after the jump)
From music video director Anton Corbijn, George Clooney plays an aging hitman who thinks he’s beyond redemption.  He’s sick of the business, but promises to do one last job before retirement, when suddenly a new woman enters his life and blah blah blah wank wank mouthfart.

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