Our intrepid porn-search correspondent Josh Kurp touched on this phenomenon a few weeks ago when discussing the most popular (or poopular, in the case of South Africa) porn searches in certain US states and countries. Now it’s time to touch on it some more, as additional evidence seems to prove even further that areas which are hotbeds of homophobia (great gay porn title, btw) are often simultaneously the most chock full of people searching for gay porn. You don’t say.

Web users are defying legal bans on homosexuality to enjoy an array of gay pornography on their computers in countries where same-sex relations are prohibited.
Sex searches compiled by country reveal appetites for gay activity in African countries where homosexuals are stigmatised and hounded by the law.
In Iran, gay porn searches litter the top of the XXX search charts.

It makes obvious sense, since I can’t imagine caring that much about whether a couple gay dudes grind boners or lesbians scissor unless it’s really your own urges that you’re worried about. Anyway, let’s talk specifics, because you know this is going to be fun…

In Kenya, homosexuality is a crime and an overwhelming 96 percent of Kenyans think it is unacceptable. Yet the second most popular search in the country was “gay monster cock”.

Well, if you think gay people are monsters, it makes sense that you’d want to recognize them by cock, just so nothing weird happens. This could be considered important research. Ironically, I’ve found gay monster cocks are only distinguishable from regular cocks by taste.

Read the rest of this entry »

When your movie includes Tom Cruise dangling from world’s tallest building (Tom Cruise is that spec next to the helicopter), it seems like a no-brainer to include that in the marketing material. But so far, Paramount seemed content to play up other aspects of Mission Impossible IV (“GHOST PROTOCOL!”), such as Tom Cruise wearing a hoodie, or Tom Cruise wearing white pants. (“This summer… Justice shops at Banana Express!”). Finally they’ve hit us with the money shot in the newest poster, which shows Tom Cruise climbing the 2,717-foot Burj Khalifa building in Dubai. So big ups to Tom for having the massive balls it took to do this, even if he is wearing capri pants. Or are those pedal pushers? I confess I’m a little rusty in my three-quarter length pants vocabulary. In any case, it opens December 21st.

“Must… keep… climbing. Too many… gays down there…”

Read the rest of this entry »

This week in This Week in Posters: we’ve got a bundle of new Harold and Kumar Posters, Mission Impossible IV, Margin Call, Katherine Heigl rears her ugly head, and most importantly, DOLPHIN TALE! Enjoy.

Holy. Sh*t. Now, I know most of you probably aren’t as excited for this movie as I am (see also: my favorite gif), but between the little boy touching the robot-tailed dolphin’s nose in an homage to the Sistine Chapel and the delightful German translation (“HERR DOKTOR! FIX MEIN FREUND DER DELFIN! FIX MEIN DELFIN VIST EINE SCHPROCKETS!!“), this poster made me squeal so hard I nearly passed out. THE DOLPHIN’S BIONIC TALE HELPS TO INSPIRE INJURED SOLDIERS! A NE’ER-DO-WELL GETS A SECOND CHANCE AND A LITTLE BOY LEARNS THE POWER OF LOVE! THANK YOU, MARINE BIOLOGIST HARRY CONNICK JR.!

“Nach der wunderbaren, ze liefenchangen dem delfin!”

“Nein! Dem delfin eez MEINliefenchangen!”

(*sprockets dance*)

Mark my words, this is going to be the movie of the year. Dolphin Tale is going to be so inspirational it makes Seabiscuit look like a Dogme movie. (thanks to Stinky Peet for the fake German)

Read the rest of this entry »

Paramount released this new publicity still from Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, starring Tom Cruise, Paula Patton, Simon Pegg, and Jeremy Renner, from director Brad Bird (Ratatouille), opening December 21st. Here we see Cruise’s Ethan Hunt grilling Renner’s Brandt on whether there are indeed gays in there.

This Christmas… Justice wears white pants.

"Are you ready to rock???" "AS LONG AS THERE AREN'T ANY GAYS IN THERE!"

Here’s the first picture of Tom Cruise in Rock of Ages, an adaptation of the Broadway musical of the same name in which Cruise plays heavy metal singer Stacee Jaxx.  Co-starring Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand, Rock of Ages comes from criminally under-recognized hack Adam Shankman, who started his career as a choreographer, then made The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez, then was allowed to direct six more movies.  It’s one of the all-time great Hollywood success stories. Rock of Ages centers around a love story between characters played by Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough, set during “the rock music scene of 1987.”  Said Shankman of casting Boneta:

“It’s that feeling you get when you realized you’ve discovered lightning in a bottle,” Shankman just told me about Boneta’s audition. “It reminds me of when Zac Efron auditioned for Hairspray, Channing Tatum for Step Up and Liam Hemsworth auditioned for The Last Song. When the guy walks in, the guy walks in!”

This is going to be worse than Chernobyl.